About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

SHIT YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE ABOUT...

My first wife took a bunch of old slides that she ended up with after the split and had them put on CDs and gave me one. Here's a few I kind of like....

This is me and and the woman who would become my present wife. This was the one two-week period I lived without a beard and mustache since I was 22 years old. She said I looked like Eric Clapton.
 And not to brag, but that woman has only gotten more beautiful with time.
(note signage on umbrella)

Here's my normal configuration after my facial hair grew back. Interestingly, when I cut it off it was brown and when it grew back it was salt and pepper. Let that be a lesson to you younger guys.

Here I am sitting in a lawn chair next to a lake with a cigarette in one hand, a beer nearby and a smirk on my face, even though it is more or less hidden under one of the most magnificent mustaches you are likely to find....outside Turkey.

Here is my father sitting in a lawn chair next to a lake with a cigarette in one hand, a beer nearby and a smirk on his face....and a trimmed....TRIMMED! mustache. Jeeeeeeez.
 Now go back and look at my photo at the top of this page. Yeah, wow! He and I were sitting on adjacent stools in a bar one time and the bartender said, "Are ya'll kin?" My father and I just looked at each other and started laughing.

This is the funniest woman I had ever met until I met my present wife. This woman is my mother. And I miss her very much.

Thank you.

SHORT AND INFORMATIVE

U.S. RIOTS IN 5....4.....3.....

These people are rioting in the street. They are being beaten by riot police. They fight every day to maintain their way of life...



 (what a powerful image. I'm assuming the girl is his daughter or grand-daughter )

But, you see, they already have democracy. They vote for their leaders, have the right to run for office themselves and have a functioning legal system.
They are ripping their country apart because...
Their government has simply run out of money and now they are forced to reduce the "entitlements" (free shit) that they give to the citizens. They borrowed for years and years and now the creditors are knocking at the door.
Here's what I want you to do...I want you to try and image what would happen if the US government announced that it was forced to cut food stamps, housing assistance, welfare, social security, etc by, say, 25%.
You think Americans would man up and do what had to be done, or do you think there would be rioting and looting in every fucking city in the country?
Just another reason to stock up with ammo if you ask me.

THE ANTI-SERMON

Always ask questions....
Says he: So, what was here before the Big Bang?
Says me: A guy by the name of Ted who blew up his apartment trying to make beer.
Says he: That's ridiculous.
Says me: You can't prove it's not true.


I had a man tell me a joke about the pearly gates.
 I asked him, a true believer, where he supposed the pearly gates were located. He said my question was....are you ready...silly.

TRUE: After I had asked many question of a believer he said this: "Just because some of it is made up, doesn't mean it's not true."
Argument over.

Mormons amaze me. Read on....



I would not be surprised if their law makers used this method....

But listen to the poppycock of a Jew....

Always....ALWAYS the fall back position is "What do you care, we're not harming you." 
Think about this.....


******


SCIENCE FACT FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIVE IN THE SOUTH
There is a huge difference between 92 degrees and 102 degrees. You people who live up where it snows probably think that the difference is about 10%, but you would be wrong. 
Think about the difference between 30 degrees and 20. Shit, people walk around in light coats at 30, but can freeze to death - literally - at 20.
It's kind of like that with the heat. It's not commonly known, but human blood boils at 102 degrees; that's why Southerners have to limit their exposure. We tar fucking roofs at 92 degrees, but at 102 air can only be sucked into lungs with great effort and we spend most of the day panting like junk yard dogs.
 I bring up this unpleasantness because next week we are expecting a heat wave of 100+ day after day after fucking day. 
Pray for Southerners...except me....me you send beer.......and ice.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

IN THE NEWS

Sending out some newsy things before they get too dated...

This is what Japan looks like after three months...



I don't know, and don't want to know, anything about hockey, but some of these are good...
 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!




Then there's this stupid bastard. He is setting fire to a police car and.....AND providing excellent photos of himself all over the internet. He can expect to find out what a size 13 asshole feels like soon. I normally wouldn't think Canadian prisoners were as violent as ours, but I didn't think they would set fire to their city when they lost a hockey match either.

Soon we will turn space over to the Chinese and Russians. Sad, that.
 They asked the next (and last) shuttle commander why the crew of four was so small. He said that in the past if something went wrong, another shuttle could be rush up to save them within 3 months. Now if something goes wrong they will have to ask the Russians to send rockets up and bring them back one at a time....which will take a year.


One of my very own....

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,
BUT PROBABLY AREN'T....

Friday, June 17, 2011

GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

I actually didn't believe this was a real book. I listen to a lot of books on tape.  I used to have someone read to me when I painted murals. On more than one occasion that proved problematical; as in the character yelling out "Hey, nigger, get your ass over here" or some such shit and there ain't nobody to blame but me.
Anyway, my wife sent me this and I liked it. It's over six minutes so....you decide.

FACIAL EXPRESSIONS THAT INTEREST ME...

These are in no particular order and shouldn't take too much commentary...I've been busy...although I am rather proud of this post...

This is the expression of a mercenary. He works for us. He will kill anyone, anywhere, anytime if you pay him enough.

This is another mercenary. He will kill anyone, anytime, anywhere for a bowl of fucking rice.....or another little Cracker Jack badge......or both.....

This is TRUE......sadly.....

NOW LET'S GET SILLY...

This is the expression of extreme intoxication.
If you see it...run........to the nearest condom machine....

Think about this one just a second....
What an extraordinary coincidence: I would rather piss on her than for her to wear fur.

This is the expression of a creature who is 100% certain that he is the alpha male....Well played, Bozo, well played.
"Mister Bozo, to you, old man!"


I want the doctor who gives me a vasectomy to concentrate at least this intently....

 (Goddamn I love dogs!!!)

I posted this years ago. I repost it because I think that it is an extremely powerful image...all because of her expression....which tells me she is already planning to lose her virginity....soon...

Wouldn't you love to know what these two men are saying to each other? 
The Dalai Lama once said, "Be kind whenever possible, and it is always possible."
I like that very much.
I've often said that being mean means you have lost control...I don't like losing control.

Oh, I have a good idea. Let's elect our leaders by determining which one of them has the LEAST insane religion...

I have conducted hours and hours of research on Scientology, and this kind of says it all....although a little dated...

She knows that a man is in the process of being rescued after his boat sank, so what does she do? Pose sexily with an alluring come hither smile!....but maybe that's just me....

I'm not sure this next one is true...

I stumbled across this picture of my mother-in-law when she was younger...she's the one with the carefree attitude....and tan lines....

This is what a woman looks like when you ask, "You don't mind if I take your picture, do you?",  AFTER you have taken the picture....

It's only a matter of time dear boy....only a matter of time...

Seriously. This shit has got to stop, ya'll....
 Allowing reality to give you a rude slap in the face would be a welcome relief....

This kid has abortion doctor killer written all over his face....

Yeah, he finds this hilarious.....those zany Puerto Ricans....

Do these guilty motherfuckers practice this "I'm so sorry" lip purse in front of a fucking mirror?

Speaking of lips.....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!

Oh, look, the Mullet Family have sold one of their flame throwers to pay for a studio portrait....

This next one reminds me....my wife is going out of town next week....Oh, yeah!

No comment....

So here in the West we poke holes in our body's most sensitive areas and stick various metal objects through the mutilation, yet we call a rather ill-fitting robe weird?!?!

Her look says, "Where are my fucking nachos?!? Are you making the cheese from SCRATCH or what?!?", but, hey, lady, your ass, it's....ah.............oh, never mind....

Those zany asians....

Black people have very expressive faces...don't you think?
It's like they don't bother to mask their emotions to conform to the dictates of modern norms.....
But maybe that's just me....

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!
(goddamn I love funny people on the internet!!)

This man is the leader of a whole nation.
Can't you just see it in his face....and his accessories?



Yes, gentlemen, this is what's on her mind every fucking time you ask her....

Oh, look ya'll, another picture of my mother-in-law....she's the one in the boots....and dog collar....
But even in her later years she hasn't lost that carefree personae...

One of my very own...
 TRUE: I went in the house yesterday and asked my wife what a rhubarb was. 
She said, "It's a red vegetable, why?"
I said, "Can you easily shove it up a man's ass?"
She said, "Yeah, I suppose so."
And she never asked me why I wanted to know.
(I only used rhubarb because I thought it was a funny sounding word)

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,
BUT PROBABLY AREN'T....

"Oh.....I didn't know you brought your....caaaamera?!?!" 

"You want to put it in my what?!?!"

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