About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, June 8, 2012

outré FRIDAY


You will notice that today's post contains some very unusual photographs. Hope you enjoy.
Oh, here's one now....


Facebook may allow kids under 13 to join. When they heard about this, Chinese officials said, "Great, now our workers will never get anything done."




A living human heart kept alive for implant....


During a backroad drive in Georgia I saw a small herd of these...


I asked 100 women which shampoo they preferred.
The number one answer was: How the hell did you get in my motel room.




I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means "put down".


I was a Mac user when Apple was doomed.




Drugs are not the answer...
...unless you're asking what I'm doing this weekend.


TRUE: One day a man jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. When the police went searching through his house afterwards, they found a note. It read:
"Today I will walk to the bridge. If anyone smiles at me, I won't jump."




 There was a man in the UK who saw a picture in a spanking magazine that looked just like his doctor, so he blackmailed him. Problem was it was not the doctor and the blackmailer went to jail.
 There are magazines dedicated to spanking?!?!?!




Can you believe that we went from Kitty Hawk to the moon in only 63 years. Where will we be in the next 63?

That dot in his palm is Venus....


This man should not be allowed to own a firearm.....or a sword....
 Did you notice what he was watching on the screen?


The blues of the sea....


Hey, kids, never go at the first call to dinner. It's a trap for you to set the table.





 Did you notice his glasses?


It has been reported that modern young women haven't seen a cord attached to anything in so long, giving birth freaks them out.





A most trusted advisor showed me how to extend the range of your car unlock remote. You place it firmly under you chin, then make a large "O" with your mouth. Apparently the signal hits the mouth cavity and travels farther.



A couple of a dating site entries....


"The process of collective bargaining, as usually understood, cannot be transplanted into public service"
- FDR
Further, California firefighters can retire after 20 years with 100% pay and free, deduction-free, health insurance. That means a 20 year old could retire at 40 and be set for life.
The other thing that fucks it all up is the habit of the unions donating so much money to campaigns that they can basically "hire" the very people that are supposed to oversee them.

I would look..............and so would you.....


Every morning I'm thankful that my wife didn't kill me in my sleep.



Oh baby, oh baby......


The definition of trust is two cannibals giving each other blowjobs.



Not one, but two cameras are filming him make a fool of himself....


Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.



 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!


I have a penis; blame me for everything.



 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!


Did you ever notice that most skinny people smell like vomit?





TRUE: I had this conversation the other day:
He: John don't get out much what with that austic kid of his.
Me: What?
He: His austic kid takes a lot of tending to.
Me: Do you mean autistic?
He: That's what I said.



We've all done this at least once, haven't we.....


"The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain."
- Colin Wilson



Look carefully at that dog. Do you think you could harm that child?


There are places in America where the fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.



Remember this? My daughter added a caption....


There are millions of people who think Central Park is nature.



How big is too big?


We have a regular at the American Legion forever known as the guy who took a gamble on a fart and lost.





Life is like a dry hand-job.



You magnificent bastard....


TRUE:  Admiral Byrd's team discovered a mastodon frozen in the germ free ice of Antarctica. So they dug it out and ate it. When asked what it tasted like, Byrd said, "Rotten meat."



Heaven....

Me oh my.....butt dimples.....





I know a man whose wife gave birth on a pool table.





Little tiny butt hairs....oh my......

????????????
That is, by far, the strongest argument for circumcision I have ever seen......pure aesthetics. That thing looks like one of those tube worms seen out the window of a deep submersible.


Something I've never seen before..... 

She just has to be naked............doesn't she?


I have seen the end and no one was spared, not even the children.....


Let's play 'mirror in the crotch and lipstick' again


If I had a time machine, I would set it for perpetual happy hour.
TWO OF MY VERY OWN....





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