About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013


 My New Year's Resolution is 1024x768, which is much better than last year's 800x600.

I hope your new year is all you hope it will be.

You can zoom in to each person. Cool.

This is a shirt that comes with iron on different styles...

This was way cooler before I figured out it was the same three or four poses over and over...

My daughter warned me about believing science would bail us out of all our energy needs, calling it just another form of faith. I'm still dealing with that...

I've been trying to find out how powerful the argument is of the silly sounding notion of the Big Bang where everything came from nothing. A devout Catholic just shrugged and said, "Where did God come from?"
Cool guy.

This woman was on national TV...I want some of what she had...

Here's how liberals solve problems...just give shit away...
Here's the way conservatives feel about it...
Imagine this: You are given line-item veto on your taxes.
You go to the IRS with all of your money in cash. He says, "Military; $4,000."
You think about it and hand him $3,000 and say, "Bring the troops home from Japan and Germany."
He says, "$800 for young unmarried woman in Tulsa who has four children and is pregnant with the fifth?"
You say, "Fuck that stupid bitch. Here's $50 for rubbers."
>>>What I'm trying to say is, even the most liberal will opt out if the description is bold enough. And please don't tell me about all the money we waste on rich people or corporations or some such. I want that to end, too, and that's a topic for another day.
TRUE RECENT STORY: My female friend had her house broken into. Not only did they steal shit, but they fucked a bunch of stuff up, too. They caught three teenagers and at the hearing they wanted to know if my friend wanted restitution. She knew that her insurance wouldn't cover all her damages, but didn't know if the woman (who was on welfare) had any money to pay her for her son's misdeeds. She was allowed to think about it overnight.
As she walked across the parking lot she saw the mother and her son climb into a Cadilac Escalade.
My friend wants every dime she's owed.
I wish that wasn't true, but it is.

Is that man's hand inside his zipper?
I tried and tried to come up with a caption for that image, but just couldn't get over him playing with his balls under a coconut tree while other men are around....maybe it's just me.

TRUE: My wife bought me a super-dooper air purifier. It came with instructions whereby you can get an email when it's time to change your filter. I found that clever.

I've noticed that some people think that they communicate "better" if they dance around a concept by just giving that concept some fancy terminology. Take "Negative-authority experience syndrome". One could simply say, "He doesn't like to be told what to do", but then people would think you were less intelligent.
You people need to get over all that. I remember a proposal for a mural in a "multi-level vehicular storage facility".....or...parking garage. I actually think of you less when you shield your argument in opaque language.

They were among the 400,000 pounds of stuff we have left on the moon.

I taught my dog to pick up my poop with a little plastic shovel.

You know how there's a Miss Black America pageant to make up for all the years blacks were banned? Well, I think there should be only gays in the military...exclusively.

I sure wish there was a gif of this...

Amish women give the best handjobs.

It's all fun and games til the anal glands explode.

"Well, shit."

What not to say when a woman tells you she's pregnant:
Did you make a sex tape of it?

Ones of my very own...

Ladies, and gentlemen, it's almost a certainty that somewhere in the world a guy has your name tattooed on their dick.

I have no idea....

On rainy days I often misbehave.

Remember, these people fought and some died in a war we had to win. When they came home they were still treated like niggers. Disgusting.
Daniel Inouye told the story of returning home and wanted to get a haircut before he saw his mother. When he walked in the barber shop, the barber asked, "Are you a Jap?"
Inouye was dressed in his uniform with the empty sleeve and the Medal of Honor. He said, "My mother and father were from Japan, but I'm an American."
The barber said, "I don't cut Jap hair."
And Inouye left.

As I understand it, the mercury was used to create a "permanent" waterway for the boats.

There is a "What happened to your nuts" joke in here someplace...

If we admitted how terrifying life is, would we need more drugs, or less?

I hope the fashion slave breaks her fucking ankles...

Nothing brings out your inner child like giving birth.

White people. Measuring; it's just too damn hard...

This is what I looked like when my parents told me I wasn't manly enough to join the Marines...
(goddamn I hope you thought that as funny as I did)

According to my Nike FuelBand, I just masturbated for 4 miles.

My wife does this cute thing where she tells me the plans for the next day and then expects me to remember them.
It's adorable.

Oh, look, a very strange man...
 ...And here's his father....

What does the mafia and a vagina have in common?
One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.

Worth another look...

I walked in Walmart and the girl said, "You can't enter through there! That's an exit."
I said, "I'm gay. That's what I do."
And she let me in.

Congratulations to Steve Jobs for being cancer-free for 454 days.

There is something poetic about this...

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