About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

WEDNESDAY #1452


I got this image from my most trusted advisor. I emailed her back to ask what the fuck was going on.
She responded that she had no idea, but she had sent me everything she could find so I wouldn't miss another Folio Olio day. I took that as a supreme compliment and responded, "You are indeed a gem among mere mortals."
I love this job.



If there is anything that I hate, it's hypocrisy...
There is some weird ass shit going on at the Vatican, what with the leaked information and stuff. I have made no secret of my loathing of the whole organization, but let's take it from the top one more time.
Let's suppose you run a huge shoe store chain and you found out that one of your salespersons was abusing young shoe buyers. What do you do?
A) Call the police.
B) Fire him.
C) Transfer him to another of your stores.
D) Have you cousin, Nicky, break his kneecaps.
But let's further suppose that you don't call the police and this employee is later caught and rats you out for knowing, but sending him to another store. What should the police do?
No matter what you think the police should do, they didn't.
Loathing is too mild a word, but I have a little something for my commenter a little later in this post.

And something else kind of in the news...
I will say again....people are very funny...

Last Sunday I posted a tutorial about how to stone an adulterer. A comment from anonymous accused me of....wait for it.....spreading propaganda....I assume against Iran if not Islam.
I present what Iranian TV did to our First Ladies cleavage.
Now, look folks, I don't know if that is actually true. I was sent it and smiled at the absurdity. If it's not true....fuck it, I'm not a scholar on the subject. And if there is anyone.....ANYONE....offended by that, I leave you with one glorious illustrative sentence uttered by Iran's illustrious leader.
"We don't have homosexuals in Iran."
It's hard to accept the truth when the lies were exactly what you wanted to hear.
Read that last sentence again...that blade cuts both ways.


I am a middle of the road kind of guy. I lean left on some things and right on others, drawing the line each time in my personal freedoms, but the Republicans are just.......embarrassing....how do you...on purpose...piss off everybody in America except old white people and expect to be elected?
If you can afford to buy a senator, you don't need a tax break.

In a sexist move, Monopoly removed the iron in favor of a cat, leaving women unrepresented. I say we put a few dents in the car, or add an oven mitt. Don't need to exclude anyone.


 This is a very funny man...

This is a real sign and I think it gets the message across very well...

The last photograph taken of Hitler...
What do you think the guy on the left is saying?
"Hey, I could be worse." or "What's the worse thing that could happen?"
Or "You invaded Russia in the fucking WINTER?!?"

Iraq War: civilian deaths: 66,081.

That's one 9/11 every 4 months.
No monuments. No minute of silence.

That awkward moment when you realize that Ellen Degeneres has a hotter wife than you do.
(that is NOT her twat....as much as you would like it to be)

My bartender and I were watching CNN when a quote from some senator or somebody ran across the bottom of the screen that said, "The senate should get off their ass."
We were shocked that they allowed the word ass, but assumed that since it was a quote, it was okay.
Then we began talking about the words that used in one way (like ass as in donkey) was just fine, but another way (ass as in butt) was considered crass and may even be illegal. 
Then we began to think of other words that can be used one way, but can't be used another. Such as:
Butt
Pussy
Cock
Tit
Prick
Blenders
Horseshoe
and Michael Bloomberg


More propaganda.....

I miss this TV show...


 (What could possibly go wrong)

Speaking of going wrong, Australia had a half billion dollar mandatory gun buy back, removing just about all the guns from the country. Now their biggest problem, it seems, is defining "Armed Robbery".
You see, if all of the crooks know that nobody else has a gun, they can walk into a house with baseball bats and demand to know where the jewelry and money is. Many times they select old people and don't even need a baseball bat, they just punch them a few times. Well, is that to be listed as an "Armed Robbery"? 
It seems that nobody in all of Australia could have seen this coming.


Well worth the read...

If Kurt Cobain was still alive, he'd probably be dead by now.




Why would you graffiti a quadratic equation?

You must have read about the wreck at Dayton on Saturday where all those fans were injured...well, a report said that rescue efforts were hindered by fans trying to take pictures and videos, even jumping over fencing in hopes of getting closer to the scene.

Wow. What can I say?


If cats could talk, they would lie to you.


Speaking of...
 Well, it's about fucking time!

This is my wife's reaction every time I ask for a blowjob driving down the road...
...every fucking time.

One of my very own...

Everyone hates a racist, but racists only hate a few people.


Brush strokes. While most visitors to a museum stand back to view artwork, artists like me move in close to see each brush stroke. This should explain why....

My wife knows how well I slept by the number of times I say fuck before I pour my first cup of coffee.


How pallet jacks are shipped...

I know it's silly, but I always smile when I see people shitting in their pants...

Most of the problems in Greek mythology were caused by Zeus not keeping his dick in his toga........................toga?



This St. Patrick's Day I plan on behavior so bad it ends up in a massive viral video demanding me being brought to justice.


What must the future bring?

And to all you people who love me, if you are planning my intervention, please wait until after St. Patrick's Day.


OOMVO...

Did International Women's Day make anybody else feel especially self-conscious about your man boobs?


I posted this a long time ago because it is just so fucking awful...
 But look! He finally spent the money to get it done right!
Bravo, tattoo guy.

Seriously: I think they should invent a heavy duty battery about the size of a cell phone. This battery could be placed in the back of cell phone "holster" that is worn on the belt, and each time you place your phone in the holster it recharges the phone.


This man lived through a scalping in 1880...

Whoever discovered popcorn must have freaked the fuck out the first time.


Is that a smile on that guy's face or a grimace?!?!
And....AND....look at the back guy's hands and wonder why the front guy looks offended.
Plus, what the fuck do you think is going through that deer's mind right about now?

Incest....not even once....

Venus can go fuck itself.



Two flying robots playing catch with a fucking rod...

This was part of a tutorial on how to curl your hair with an electric hair curler. Please notice that the mass of hair is still wrapped around the device when it is lowered...
The funniest part (which you could not see) was the full 20 seconds she just looked at it and cocked her head like a puppy.

 And she had the easy job...

Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child...including yours.

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