KICK THE FUCKING FIELD GOAL!!!

*****

TOO MUCH ART TO MAKE AND FOOTBALL TO WATCH FOR A DECENT POST, SO MY FALLBACK IS THE EVER POPULAR CARTOONS.

Some of these took me a few seconds before I got them. If you are not as smart as I am, I have explained it in the brackets in white font...highlight to read.

"Do you know that joke about the No and the Me Neither?
"No."
"Me neither."

Kim Jong Il is being replaced by his dimwitted, clueless son, Kim Jong "W" Il.

"Where's Bill?"
"He can't make it.  He's got prostrate problems."
"It's prostate...not prostrate, you idiot."
"No, the last time I saw him he was lying face down in his own vomit."

My nephew's child asked him what Lady Gaga's real name was, so he went on Google and typed in L and Google automatically filled in Lady Gaga.  How fucked up is that. Of all the people and things in history (Lincoln, Leonardo, Languishing in the mire of marginal existence, etc.) Google knows you were more likely to want information about her.  Sad really.

"I like your nurse's uniform, Brad."
"These are OR scrubs."
"OR they?"

A long time ago, when I was considerably younger, I picked up a date at her parents' home. I'd scraped together some money to take her to a fancy restaurant. She ordered the most expensive items on the menu. Shrimp cocktail. Lobster. Champagne. I asked her, "Does your mother feed you like that when you eat at home?" "No," she replied. "but my mother's not expecting a blow job tonight." I said "enjoy," and felt like a nuke went off in my pants.

"You came out of your mom looking like shit. She thought you were beautiful. I don't know what scared me the most, your looks or her judgement."

You don't have to be good to succeed. You just gotta be the least shitty option.

In 5 billion years the sun will burn out and nothing you did will matter. Peace.

TRUE: Barbara Soper has three children; #1 born 8/8/08, #2 born 9/9/09, and #3 born 10/10/10.

 [ mugshot ]

 [ they left the matches at home, thus are unprepared ]

[ he microwaved the bodies ] 

[ he is trapped under an avalanche of shovels ] 

TRUE: When glass breaks, the cracks move at about 3,000 miles per hour.

One of my very own...

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