FUN WITH LANGUAGE

This kid has a cool-ass mother...

How to know you are wasting your money on a TUTOR...

?????

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The wife and I were at home watching TV today. I had the remote, as usual, and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and a porn channel. She became more and more annoyed, then said,
"For God's sake! Leave it on the porn channel! You already know how to fish!"
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I only gave my daughters one bit of advice and I am so proud that they both took it. The advice was:
DON'T BECOME A MAGICIAN'S ASSISTANT.
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This is well worth the read...I mean, DAMN, YA'LL!!

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All of our dreams can come true if we just have the courage to purchase them.
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DRUNKS

Some start young. We call people like this "Nasty Drunks" and they are not much fun.

Most drunks have an innate need to show off at very important occasions...

Ditto...

But for most of us any old occasion will do.

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Remember this holiday season that a whole bunch of plants and animals disappeared to make room for your fat ass.
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When you see something like this you just KNOW he was drunk...

TEAMWORK: Remember, there is no "I" in drunk....

Stupidity should be very painful.

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COMPUTER FUNNIES OF THE DAY

Your argument against assassinations is invalid.


My daughter tried to get me to explore Chatroulette...
Yeah, right.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

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ART

Check this out. It's made with interior mirrors....I like it...

No truer words have ever been spoken.

TRUE: I once had a kid come up to my desk and say, "Mr. Henry, when I grow up I want to be an artist." I said, "Jason, the reason I became an artist is so I don't have to grow up."

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There are a whole bunch of these "bitch" things. If you weary of them just tell me so in a comment.

While in New York, my wife bought a jacket once worn by Elton John. For some reason that escapes me, I'm impressed.

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Someone sent me this today...

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One of my very own...

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,

BUT PROBABLY AREN'T...

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Today is Christmas. I always used to buy my wife crappy gifts, but luckily I found her xmas list this year: Eggs, Milk, Bread, Toilet Paper.

Looks like I'm getting laid this Christmas.

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