JAPAN....WTF?

The title of this post has nothing to do with it's content. The highest number of hits in one day (by far) was a post titled "Japan", therefore I'm running a little experiment.

This post is a true Olio - A miscellaneous collection of things...my favorite.

I'm not sure I understand this...but the graphics were cool so I thought that one of you smart motherfuckers out there could explain it to me.

PLEASE DEFINE THESE WORDS:

A: LAMA

B: LLAMA

C: LLLAMA

A: A priest as in Dalai Lama

B: An animal kin to the camel.

C: A really bad fire in Boston, as in Three L Ama. 

(Note: I have gotten a lot of mileage out of that joke that my friend Chris told me at the Legion. I have told it to at least a dozen people AND NOT ONE OF THEM COULD DEFINE LAMA CORRECTLY. ALL OF THEM SAID IT WAS THE ANIMAL. I weep for the future.)

Just another thing to worry about...

I want to have 3 children and name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they fuck up I can just hit them all at once.

I want! My logic is that scientists think that a person is never more than 3 feet away from a spider at any given time....therefore, what are the chances that I will be 3 feet from TWO SPIDERS. There...problem solved.

Patriotism: Your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

I'm not big on Area 51, but through the Freedom of Information Act, millions of documents have been released about the events of that era. Here is the most troublesome. 

(I hope you can read this)

It may be that ministers really think that their prayers do good and it my be that frogs imagine that their croaking brings spring.

Children should be seen and not heard.

Ugly children, if allowed to live, should be masked.

This morning my wife asked how I slept and I told her as sound as an Air Traffic Controller.

There is no such thing as an automatic door....just gentlemen ninjas.

I have been doing shit like this all my life.

This guy put his device in a juice container complete with straw.

Hey babe, wanna come over to MYSPACE and TWITTER my YAHOO til I GOOGLE all over you FACEBOOK?

A muslim kid got lost in WalMart and told a security guard who asked, "What does she look like?" And the kid said, "Fuck if I know."

Hey guys! Just so you know the rules...check this out.

Exodus 20:4 - Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

Just thought you needed to know the rules that Jesus lived by.

Have you ever been so drunk that you thought toothpaste was astronaut food?

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHHHH!

DUE TO EARLY START, JAPAN HAS BEEN DISQUALIFIED FROM THE 2012 DOOMSDAY.

 Get it?

The only dreams that will ever come true are the ones that involve peeing.

The average life of a web page is between 44 and 77 days.

This is very funny....

Shakespeare invented the word assassination.

I actually bought one of these, but I ran out of pink...

Charles Dickens invented the word boredom.

 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

The average pencil can draw a line 35 miles long.

Okay, I'm impressed. My wife is going to want one of these.

If you wait until the last minute to do it, then it will only take a minute.

Another great idea that should have been invented years ago....

FLASHLIGHT: A tubular container designed for the storage of dead batteries.

Damn....I mean....DAMN!!

I went to the optometrist today and he told me that I was color blind. Now I'm worried that some of my buddies are black. If you are, can you delete my email address.

(read it in Darth Vader's voice)

"I SAID shut the fuck up!"

Can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr. old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty old bike with a bent wheel, no brakes and only 1 pedal. If you send us just $2 we will send you the video.....it fucking hilarious!

Shrinkage.

TRUE: PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is calling for the translators of the New International Version of the Bible to remove what it calls "speciesist" language and refer to animals as "he" or "she" instead of "it".

Don't Kanye me or I'll Chris Brown you and Tiger Woods your mother.

As you probably know, I don't do political shit all that often, since both parties have both been bought and paid for by the super rich in this country, but...well, I thought this was funny.

"Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun."

42

I ran into a site with images of famous people rendered bald....this is my favorite.

The famous prop from Titanic, the nude drawing of Kate Winslet, was auctioned off for $16,000. But that's not the cool part...the cool part is that it was drawn by the director, James Cameron, and those were his hands shown in the movie.

My wife said, "Nine out of ten wives wouldn't let you drink so much." I said, "That's why I married one wife instead of ten."

 HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAAA!!!!!!

Is there a website where I can go to compare my penis size to other men's?

TRUE: The price of wool in Ireland has risen so high that there are wool thieves. This guy dyed his sheep to deter the threat.

You may not can fight city hall, but you can sure as shit blow it up.

Pardon me, Mr. Gangsta, your trousers are descending.

This, gentle reader, is what courage looks like...

One of my very own....

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,

BUT PROBABLY AREN'T....

Think about our soldiers every fucking day. They are doing your bidding.