FOLIO OLIO: IN DEFENSE OF ALCOHOL ABUSE

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Jesus for encouraging us all to drink. Of all his teachings, this one resonates with me.

Following his encouragement, men (mostly) stayed fucked up for centuries.

(you might want to study this image a minute or two)

Unbeknownst to our saviour, there are some downsides to drinking alcohol. First among these is that people forget how to perform skills that non-drinkers take for granted.

Prior to her all night libation, this child probably grasped the concept of shoe removal....now alien to her.

This man, through excess, has forgotten such skills as hygiene, work ethic, and self-respect. Lost also is any notion of his name or country of origin.

ON THE UPSIDE

People who drink can find the most clever places to eliminate body waste. This man's "toilet" is also a receptacle for some sort of wiping material, if he remembers wiping this time...

Excessive drinkers can find great pleasures in the smallest discoveries....

And think of the money these gentlemen have saved on rent. And....AND....when it rains they get a free shower.

Alcohol tends to make people more atheletic....

Even people with limited skills can become accomplished gamesmen....

For reasons that scientists are still analyzing, drinkers seem to overcome their fear of heights...

This young man has been drinking. You can tell that with no other evidence than he is sitting on the edge of a building 9 million stories in the air AND he is wearing his sister's skin-tight jeans.

Some drinkers work harder during their off time than they would ever think of doing on the job. This man spent countless hours doing this.....just because he fucking could, which, to a drinker, is the only reason for doing anything. (notice the keg placement)

Many imbibers like to combine being waaaaaaay off the ground with nudity.....my pastime of choice.
(notice that he still has his drink in his hand)

For reasons that are not all that clear, young drunk women like to show complete strangers their breasts. Look it up! All over the world women show their breasts, are photographed with some cheap phone, and pretty soon men all over the world are jacking off at something she won't even remember doing.

Second only to their breasts, girl's asses get aired any time and any where the friend says, "Show them your ass, Mertil."

Young female drinkers also have the strangest habit of kissing each other passionately and in public, even though they are not homosexual. They do this to amuse any man within a quarter of a mile - farther if you have an expensive pair of binoculars.

Drinkers become very creative when it comes to relieving their bladders...

This young woman seems oblivious to the dozens of cameras, but I am not certain that's the case. I believe the camera's were the whole purpose of the exercise.

This is an example of trying to relieve one's bladder AND forgetting one or two of the most productive steps....
Enter stall....check.
Pants down....check.
Sit down....check.
On toilet....well, shit

Drinkers invent the greatest games....games that sober people would consider stupid or even dangerous. But don't try explaining that to these zany Russians....

Success or failure in most of these games does not involve winning or losing. They are judged solely on the decibel level of the spectators' guffawing...

(please notice by the red circular whelps on the man's chest, that he has done this many, many times)

Here, again, is a man protecting his eyes, while his friend continues to assure him not to worry that he's done this before....

Dangerous games or no dangerous games, drinkers seem to laugh A LOT. Things that most people would consider stupid or childish can render grown men limp (no pun intended) with gaiety....especially if they are in an unpainted concrete block shelter....

Under the mask, this loving father is laughing his ass off...
and drunk, while he yells things like "Man the fuck up" to his terrified son. Sons of drinkers have all the fun.

This young woman is simply amusing her friends....and now I'm touching myself. See how the game is played?
Further, not only is the woman unembarrassed, she is probably yelling, "Hey, ya'll, look what I did!"

Young women sometimes turn into braggarts when they drink, but it's okay....it really, really is. This young woman has never, ever bought her own drinks.....

Trying to relive one's childhood and alcohol go hand in hand....sometimes with amusing consequences. It goes without saying that every guy with a cell phone was busy documenting her mishap. Chances are that within 6 minutes this image had made it around the world.....twice.

One should be warned NEVER to make permanent decisions while drinking. Tattoos and marriage are at the top of the list.

People are very creative in selecting places to drink and from what to drink out of...
This young man said to himself, Town's flooded, can't go to work, shit, let's get fucked up. Wise decision....except for the fecal matter problem...but it probably want manifest itself for days...

This man, of course, will deny this to his dying day...but we have pictures....SPREAD ALL OVER THE FUCKING WORLD! But what do you expect from a man with AWFUL art on his wall?

This man is taking a shit while allowing his "friend" to pour beer directly down his throat. He is my fucking hero.

The drink of choice of young people is beer. The number one problem with drinking beer is that you only rent it, and more often than would be expected, you have to give it back.

Female beer drunks always come up with something "cute" to do. However, due to the ratio of men to women in this apartment, plus the chair blocking the door, my guess is that this is a professional "entertainer" and will get paid handsomely...

Booze drinkers tend to get rather nasty and more often than not have to be restrained...

Booze drinkers also tend to forget some basic societal rules, but they are still considered "cute"..."Nice junk bag, Old Dewd! Want a ride?"

Alcohol allows even the shiest of people to make friends easily...

People who drink tend to be more attractive to other people.
This is Hilga. I lost my virginity to her back in '64.
She found me on Facebook....she hasn't changed a bit.

Personally, I think alcohol's best attribute is that it is a sure fire cure for insomnia. It's a true fact that drinkers can fall asleep just about anywhere....it's a matter of group pride....
(I'll bet you a dollar to a donut that that's a porn site on his computer)

Many drinkers prefer to doze with something over their heads....

This young man was probably trying to amuse his friends and simply forgot that he had placed a cartoon over his head.....and don't try acting like you've never done it...

Women, being vastly superior to men, multi-task their

sleeping, head-covering and vomiting....

That this woman is sound asleep is probably for the best in the long run...

This woman drank too much. But she had A LOT of fun at her high school graduation party at her father's lake house....but at least the football team had the decency to put her panties back on her....

This young man is fucking awesome. Don't try this at home. Skill like this takes decades of practice....

Not only is this man sound asleep on the side of the road, but he is sleeping despite the weed eater noise AND the fact that it is pouring down rain. Let's see a mamby-pamby sober person do that!

WARNING: The accident gods seem to follow drinkers, just looking for that split second (or hour) (or afternoon) when a man is at his most vulnerable...

The upside is that scars of a drunk are always explained with this introduction: "Oh, this? I was drunker than six goats one time and...."

(that looks just like the time a shoved that pool cue down that guy's throat for reasons I can't recall)

It is a well-known fact that it is almost impossible to injury a drunk person. The Israeli army has experimented with sending waves of totally fucked up IDF troops at the enemy.....with less than stellar results, however. Sure they all survived, but the only thing they captured was every bar within 20 kilometers.