WARNING: What with World Cup, Netflix and a bit of work in the studio, not much time for posts. So most all week I'm playing let's-clean-out-the-old-files.
Consider yourself forewarned.
Things I would not do...
Consider yourself forewarned.
Things I would not do...
TRUE: Without even trying to make a funny, an astronaut on the moon once said, "This view is out of this world."
Girls, don't.....please....don't....
What if we can breathe in space and they just don't want us to escape?
I take a nap every afternoon. Sometimes a passing car actually wakes me up. Think about that. What gives him the right to do that?
One time I got a dog and named him Stay, and everyday I would say, "Come here Stay", and eventually he just went insane.
(that's not true)
Ladies and gentlemen, meet Miss Insane Person....
If Jesus can walk on water, and man is 70% water, does that mean if I walk on someone I'm 70% Jesus?
If you are being filmed showing off your naked dancing skills in the shower, use caution....
In August of 2011 Russia will deploy 5,000 soldiers in the Canadian arctic to test Canadian sovereignty. To protect its territory Canada will counter by sending it's Vancouver Canuck hockey fans...and lots of cold beer.
When you get ready for a wedding photo, don't do this...
Art is art. Everything else is everything else.
Hospitals across California absorbed $1.25 billion a year in care for illegal immigrants.
And this is what I thought it would look like...
This is what it really looked like...
Don't take life too seriously. You won't get out alive anyway.
White guys can not, must not do this....
A fool and his lottery winnings are soon courted.
Somebody ought to slap the shit out of this bitch...
Artists and scientists analyze the world in surprisingly similar ways.
(I agree with that)
Why do people do this? And who was the first person to wake up one morning and say, "Hey, I've got a great idea"?
The only thing worse than it raining right after you wash your car, is having to take a shit right after you get out of the shower.
This is animal torture plain and simple....
I don't see the point.
Cringing on aisle three...
There is no "I" in happness.
These next ones are for my friend, Kent, who has real issues with things like this...
Planking....again...
Remember the sole purpose of this activity is to get a photo of you doing it on the internet. Good luck with that.
I've never understood doing something dangerous for....for...for what? A laugh? Bragging rights? A story to tell? All of the above?
I've never understood doing something dangerous for....for...for what? A laugh? Bragging rights? A story to tell? All of the above?
Why? Unless you are a scientist, you have to be a real thrill junky to even think about this.
At least those window washers were getting paid. This guy did this for free. Why?
You call it necrophilia.
I call it recycling.
Oh, please....
Homeless people beg me to take their spare change.
"What are you going to do today?"
"Oh, I think I will put my life in great peril, so I can talk about the thrill of it in the bar tonight."
Other lies I've told:
I once vomited in a woman's hair, and she apologized to me.
I figured out Bruce Willis was dead within, like, the first five minutes of The Sixth Sense.
I give away full-sized Butterfingers on Halloween.
As an artist I beg of you, never ask an artist what they think of your or someone you love's artwork. It's just bad form.
Boys, if you can grow a beard, I think it's about time you let the Legos go....no matter how cool you think it is....
it's not.
Girls, if you have a less than pleasing size of leg, don't bring attention to it....hide those big boys under a skirt or something...
I hate stupidity....
Okay, that was a little joke.
This next one is not a joke. In her country all her husband had to do to divorce her was to utter the words "I divorce you". Then she is kicked out of his house and will never be allowed back in her now disgraced parents' house, so she dusts cars in traffic for pennies.
This next one is not a joke. In her country all her husband had to do to divorce her was to utter the words "I divorce you". Then she is kicked out of his house and will never be allowed back in her now disgraced parents' house, so she dusts cars in traffic for pennies.
CHILDREN
Don't put your children in danger....no matter what....
This little boy plays with a paper boat in the sewage tainted water in the gutter. The world spends more money on weapons than clean water. That ain't right, ya'll.
You don't want to know...
Then there are the children who have been turned into savages....armed savages...
I know we need wood for houses and furniture and shit, but does our lust for unique exotic wood give us the right to do this? I think not.
Walking around with a wild animal on a leach is not much different than a zoo in my opinion...and I don't like either...
TOON OF THE DAY...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
One of my very own....
One of my very own....
WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,
BUT PROBABLY AREN'T...
Spain....write that shit down.
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