FOLIO OLIO: SHIT THAT MADE ME SMILE

Let's start off with one of my very own....

BRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

TRUE: I watched a clip of Family Feud whereby a man was asked to name a job that is dirty but someone has to do it. He said gynecologist.
After the laughter died down the emcee put his arm around the guy and whispered, "Are you married, Steve?"

I remember the first time I told my wife I loved her. She slid down that pole right into my heart.

Guy found wet cement. Well played, sir, well played....

As soon as an old couple got into bed, the old man farted and immediately said, "Seven points."
"What in the world was that?" asked the wife.
"It's fart football," he replied.
After a few minutes the wife let one go and said, "Touchdown, tie score."
This went back and forth until the wife let out a little squeaker and said, "Field goal, 31 to 28 my favor."
Refusing to be beat, he strains so real hard he shits in the bed.
She asks, "What the hell was that?"
"Half time. Switch sides!" he said.

You can bury a lot of your troubles with a shovel. Trust me.

If George Washington was alive today to see what our government has done to this country, he would be in the Guinness Book of Records for being 280 years old.

How to know with absolute certainty that your teach is a real prick...

The speed in which a woman says "Nothing" when asked "What's wrong" is inversely proportional to the quantity of shit coming your way.

Some stores require that the cashier enter a birthday before they can ring up cigarettes. I always say, "May 4th."
And they always say, "What year?"
And I always say, "Every year."

WHAT?!?!?

You don't have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre.

Forever alone....

I told my wife that I'd feel the worst about killing her in a post-apocalyptic death match for food.

People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs.

I wonder if you could go to the drug store and get placebos with a fake prescription.

I find it comforting that with my life style I have defied all known actuarial tables.

Thanks to the wonderful world of the internet, this poor guy, just trying to do his job, is now forever known as "The Mustard Guy"......

It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people.

Egyptian humor....

There is a very fine line between "Hobby" and "Mental Illness".

Who is hugging whom?

I go to a site that has weekly contests concerning criminals. This one wants you to match the perp to the "weapon" they used to attack someone. I do not know the answer, but is that really necessary?

Wow! Look how many liars there are in the EU and Norway...

This smuck actually believed all those movies.....

Those ceilings are held up with thin wires, people. Do not try this at home.

There are thousands of examples of this fun. I actually appreciate it. Knocking the edge off our lives, as it were.