THINGS THAT DEFY EASY EXPLANATION

How, exactly, much time do you have to have on your hands to do this?

....said the man who blogs every fucking day.


The other night my wife said, "Don't worry, honey, it happens to lots of guys. In my experience, literally hundreds and hundreds of guys."




"No mixed signals here, darlin'. Could I take out the trash or something?"

God is such a drama queen. Burning bush? Virgin birth? Stopping the sun? I mean, damn, bro. You didn't stop the fucking sun...you stopped the fucking Earth. Plague of frogs...FROGS!!? That shit if fucking hilarious!!!




Interesting this....

TRUE: My friend told me that he got on a cruise ship in San Diego, went to Hawaii, but when they returned they had to disembark in Mexico and take a bus back to San Diego. It was due to the Jones Act.
Jones Act: Cabotage - This is defined as shipping goods or people from one US port to another. In the US, any boat traveling in this manner must be American, and must be crewed by American workers.
The cruise ship was not American flagged or staffed so they had to port in a foreign country.
I bet you didn't know that.




This is why the internet, alcohol and loaded weapons should never be combined.....

Society taught you that no matter what size you are, you will never be good enough. You'll always be too skinny, too fat, too short, too tall, too hairy, too bald...too this, too that.
You are too smart to fall for that bullshit any longer.

When someone is at the door, why do dogs always assume it's for them.




God, I hope this is fake!!!!

From time to time my wife used to jump on her menstrual cycle and run over my ass.




You want breasts? I got breasts!

I started the day with a big box of patience.
That box is now empty.




Wouldn't you love to come across this?

I may not always succeed, but I like to think of myself as a Stupid Person Whisperer.

These people have been published....I have not....I rest my case....

CONFIDENCE: That feeling you sometimes have before you fully understand the situation you are in.

Why do we put up with this shit?

You know that feeling you have after a 7 mile run?
Yeah, me neither.




???????

I don't think I could ever stab someone. I mean, let's be honest...I can barely get the straw in a juice box.

Never do jumping jacks in the shower.




Can you spell lazy motherfucker, boys and girls?

Being ugly would suck....knowing that when all else fails, you can't even be a stripper.




And from Alabama....

Life is full of surprises.
But never when you need one.

Men will get this one...

A penny saved isn't worth a nickel.




From a film?

When I was growing up we had two outhouses. We called them He Shed/She Shed.




This is the doll I gave my daughter to play with. Really freaked the neighbors....

You might be cool, but you will never be old-black-man cool.

A wedding without a trampoline...that's just crazy talk.




I have no idea if this is shopped or not. If not, what the fuck is going on?

Beer doesn't ask silly questions. Beer understands.

Here's my take on this...

Somehow the bolts (or rivets) that hold on the back were released and the chairs were fitted around the tree, then other bolts secured and it looks weird. I base this on the total absence of rust from the chairs, that should be rusted in the years it took the trees to grow.


Secret (noun): something you tell everybody not to tell anybody.




Do you see anything odd about this announcement?

Now let's take a closer look....

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again.

Rudolph: The only reindeer who doesn't have a stripper name.

I bet his mother is proud...

....but you know he's not married. Imagine the implausibility of this conversation:
"Honey, where could I put this 175 pound ball of chewed gum?"
"Oh, just put it over there on the kitchen counter."


If someday we all go to prison for downloading music, I just hope they split us by the music genre.

TOONS TO AMUSE....

ONE OF MY VERY OWN....

NAKED WOMEN NEAR THE WATER'S EDGE...