About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, June 15, 2012

FRIDAY'S FAT POST



For the third straight year, the University of South Carolina's baseball team, with a winning streak of 21 games and another streak of 24 straight home wins, is headed to Omaha and the College Worlds Series. I am one proud Gamecock.



I am far, far from a vegetarian, but that doesn't mean I don't have real fears over our food supply.

Dear America,
How many days could you, personally, shoot people and be shot at before you changed forever?



Somewhere in this world, there is someone who is perfect for you. You will never find this person.



The OCD spider....


Holding a "Make Love Not War" sign while wearing a Che Guevara T-shirt.




Graduation at Brokeback Mountain High....


I like my bed.....a lot.



For the love of god, dog, have you no shame?!?!


A day without beer is like something without something.




The french...yeah, the whole world hates you....

Never understood copy machines. We all have AC units, refrigerators, vacuums, cars, toasters, etc, and we expect all of them to last for years...even decades. But it seems that copy machines break down every couple of days and we just live with it.... 

I remember when I used to fuck with my older brother and then later when my younger sisters used to fuck with me, and my mother's advice was to just ignore them and they would get tired of doing it. Further, the only reason they keep doing it is because it gets a rise out of the person.
 I think wearing clown pants falls in that category. If adults would just shut the fuck up about those pants, I think it would speed their demise.
But making them illegal is just un-American.

How I feel when my wife and her sisters team up against me....


What do you think Anne Frank would order at Waffle House?



Me oh my......

Here's another one of those camels...

The ether is overwhelmed with people placing a piece of advice on a stock photo. Most of them are just as stupid as this one...
 The truth is that many, many people will not get what they are willing to struggle for.

Another angle of that famous photo.....I had no idea.....


For a year I thought I had mono. Turns out I was just bored.



Jeeeeeeez.....

Love Concurs All.....

Peanut butter filled donuts topped with marshmallows....

I know they have beauty, I know they are hard, but the real value in diamonds is that they are extraordinarily rare...

Okay, I get the freckles...but what the fuck is wrong with her thumbnail?

Most of my most memorable conversations have occurred over a good bottle of wine.....or two......


TRUE: Last night I saw a signed Mia Hamm jersey.



Camping: It's like practicing homelessness....


TRUE: Every person who can climb Mt. Everest without oxygen has the same rare gene.
Further, every gold medal winning power lifter has another identical rare gene.



Question: What, exactly, is she planning to do with that finger?

Saw a movie last night where a man was fired for looking down the dress of a woman who leaned over to pick something up off the floor.
 Question: Why wouldn't the woman be fired for showing off her private parts? What if the man wore very loose pants that sometimes hung open revealing his dick?



Life would be so much easier for the rest of us if there were signs in every locker room that read: NO POINTING AND LAUGHING.



There's a Nero joke in here someplace....


To all those women who watch football and shout out what play should be called next and who should be sent in the game, you didn't see me at Sex And The City 2 shouting "fuck her up the ass".



Magnificent!


I wonder why the Last Supper wasn't called The Going Away Party.



You think this was just a lucky shot?


Too much of a good thing is a very good thing.



When growing up, my family lived in a house with three fireplaces. I cut more firewood than you can possibly imagine and vowed that I would never have a fireplace in my home....


I was 25 years old before I understood why for a Father's Day wish my dad always wished for a time machine and a condom.



What insurance salesman in his right mind would cover this "ride"?


I wonder if Queen Elizabeth ever tells Princess Diana jokes.



This photo is begging for a caption....
 "Come here often?"

No one wants to live within their means.
 It used to be that your first house was a two bedroom with a bathroom in the hall. As you got promotions and made more money, you bought a house in a little better neighborhood and probably had a bathroom in the master bedroom. This process continued until you lived in a very nice neighborhood and in a very nice house.
Nowadays, young people go straight to the last purchase, and now they are completely underwater.
The same thing could be said for cars. It seems nobody buys a used car any more, much less have a one car family. Now everybody of driving age in the family has a car.
The result is people in debt up to their ears with little chance of catching up.

Oh look, an old woman's nipple....
 I bet the Turks were impressed.

Maybe Steven Hawking knows what he's doing...
 (when asked what he would do with a time machine, he said he would go back and meet Marilyn in her prime)

Check this out....
 You see the way he's holding the brushes so that the colors  don't touch each other...
That's why a palette is shaped like this; so he can hold the palette and his brushes with one hand.


What wine goes best with vodka?



Me and the result of two of my fastest sperm....


Tomorrow I'm going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got.




This is a still from a video documenting a polar bear who repeatedly threw a large rock (black blob at lower left) at the window until it cracked. You can see the cracks spreading out from the center of the rock.
 Why a polar bear who lives in a glass house was given access to a large rock was not addressed.

The first, and last, Polish space mission....


I'm going to start using the word 'gay' to mean awesome. It's going to be gay.



Neat.....

Dora's questions were really hard today.


 Savage beatings...this kid gets them....


Pizza is burning fingers. Quick put in mouth.



Russia's riot control consists of a shuttlecock...
 ....traveling at near the speed of light.

Singapore Airlines....that's what I'm talking about!!!


Say 'therefore' more often...indeed.



From a real life sword fighting manual...



Showed this guy before, but here is his work installed...

This woman photographed and made a poster of everything she owns....
(did you look for the dildo, too?)



Boy, I bet you can't see this coming...

Smells like god's vagina....


Listen world, I don't get this whole obsession with washing your hands every time you touch your dick. I don't pee on my hands, I just touch my dick with a couple of fingers.
 What does it say to your woman when you wash your hands every time you touch it, then ask for a quick blow job on the way home from the bar. 
Think about that.

 Wouldn't you assume that these people are watching the sunset?

Well, I guess we've found the regular...

Wait for it....wait for it.....




6 comments:

Jambe said...

I would -not- be able to do that scene with the animatronic shark. No, sir.

re: firewood, have you read Sam Harris' The Fireplace Delusion?

Ralph Henry said...

Have not seen Harris' work....even the word "fireplace" makes me uncomfortable....I mean that.

Aaron said...

I've always contended that if your dick is so dirty that you must wash your hands after touching it, you ought to wash your dick as well. All sinks should be lowered 6" to accommodate this practice.

Ralph Henry said...

6"?!?!?!
Well, that would probably work for children.

Anonymous said...

Not a fan of your ethic racism. You don't need that to be funny.

Ralph Henry said...

Wished you had given me the specific offense...I'm at a loss.

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