MONDAY

Well, now this about our friends at CERN...

Those zany Japanese....

I have a reoccurring dream of being assaulted by an anatomically correct porpoise.




Those zany Christians.....

Went to Babies "R" Us to get a gift for a friend. There were so many pregnant women there, I wasn't sure if I was in a Lamaze class or a public high school.
All the men looked dead inside. I've never seen so many scattered dreams in one place. It was like the greatest hits of failed pull outs. If it were a convention, it would've been called Broken Condomicon.

Well, there's your problem....

My pizza burned my mouth last night. The wound will heal, but it was discomforting that something I love so much could hurt me so bad.

The only thing I've ever heard that compares to what is happening in America today is: "Nero fiddles while Rome burns".

The Weather Channel said it was the wettest June ever. I blame that on Fifty Shades of Grey.

Girls and their cute T-shirts....

My daughter once asked how it felt to have such an awesome child. "I don't know", I said, "Ask you grandmother."

Caused by an algae.....

It is impossible to say the letters B, M or P without both of your lips touching.

I'm beginning to think that drug companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.

TRUE:  One of the Wright brothers helped develop the first unmanned drone during WWI....

You said B, M and P didn't you? You can if you stick your tongue out.

I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray like a toaster.

Well, I guess it's time to clean up....

The most useless book ever....

Europe just put Greece on Ebay.




Read "Discharge instructions"....

Apple announced yesterday that Steve Jobs is coming out with iGhost.

 These come in two kinds: trees and wildflowers.....

Today I beat my personal best for most days alive.

I know a guy who keeps a log of each shit he takes; complete with estimated weight, color and texture.




Had this been beneficial to this child survival, we might all be two-headed....

I came home last night and found my wife cooking dinner. I said, "Ah shit! The internet is down again, right?"




I once saw a huge tank with a teensy-niny toy boat on top. It was stated that it was proportional to a boat on the Gulf of Mexico. I tried to imagine what the scale would be had it been in the 7 miles depth of the Atlantic....

This is the way I feel when I'm first at a green light....

By the way, I saw "War Horse". It reminded me of an equine Forrest Gump, where he just "lucks" into being at the right place at the right time.

Two from the "Whatthefuckdoesthismean" department...

 And here's another...

Looks like one of my very own, but it's not....

 (tribbing - look it up in urban dictionary if you must....I did)

Bought the wife a new cookbook....

I wonder if they have ever x-rayed this to see if the kid is still on the bike....

Bleeding zombie targets.....DO WANT!

This is the A1-M1 Abrams battle tank...

It's kill weapon of choice is "just" a metal spear without explosives....it just punches a hole in...oh, anything...

We are wearing them out at an alarming rate....check out the rust....

This old warrior found out what it's like to fire one....

My wife and I go together like drunk and disorderly.

A crane lifting a crane lifting a crane lifting a crane....

I always listen to this speech at least once ever July 4th....

The evolution of the Formula I race car.....

Boredom: The desire for desires.

I know you all saw this on TV, but the still photos are impressive...

Saw a documentary today about the number of great civilizations brought down by drought........all of them.....

So, fuck drought and climate change, let's spend out research money on something meaningful....

I was super lazy today. It's like my normal lazy except I wear a cape.

What if Elvis really is dead?

One of my very own....

 We paid this man to go to a place where he lost both arms and both legs. He's getting along just fine, thank you very much....

Haven't mentioned this much....I just feel so powerless....

It's called segue, boys and girls, and I'm getting better at it...

Nothing is quite so funny as women permanently fucking up their faces.....

 (that last one is true, by the way. Knocked her [no pun intended] out of the Olympics this year)

(and what the fuck is her spotter doing?)

Putting these two people together is like dividing by zero...

Rap music sucks.

Deep, this......

I keep posting this in hopes someone will agree with me...

If I won the lottery I would get all my in-laws out of the State Hospital and give them the care they need...again.

You hit a woman with one bat and they won't talk to you again...ever.

Just thinking about giraffes makes me angry.

Note man.....

What a wonderful idea....

 ....although, the little bites should remind her that it's too hot to stick in her brother's face.

I have tried to post this (moving) several times.

Let's hope it works this time....

Well, today was  complete waste of good hygiene.

I have friends at the American Legion who still think it is illegal to wear something like this. Granted, the guidelines state rigid protocol for the flag's usage (this not being one of them), it is not illegal....just ill-advised....

TRUE: Stephen Hawking last a $100 bet when Higgs Boson was discovered.

"Damnit, Janet."

You know that awkward moment when you're sitting at a bar and you realize that you are surrounded by several dozen rain-man clones.

"Come on, Honey, let's look at our wedding video again."

Why is it that websites asking for your age have the option to select the year 2012?

I believe those are called feelers, and as soon as one finds a path to the ground there is a discharge....

 Notice that it is not "drawn" to the ground. They go in all directions.

Haven't posted one of these in a while...

That person that gets naked and paints them self to match the background is called an artist. I do it and they kick me out of Baskin Robbins. 

They say "Those who do not study history are doomed to repeat it"; which is why I spent a lot of time in summer school.

This one took me a minute....don't miss it.....