About Me

My photo
I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

TUESDAY



Yesterday's flashmob in Sabadell was wonderful. But now some casual observations.
In the presence of arguably some of the most beautiful sounds ever created, what do you do. Do you stand there in awe, letting the music wash over your soul? Do you allow the music to sway your body? Do you hold your breath in the presence of such awesomeness? Or......or, do you spend all of your time taking pictures of it?
Well, at least the children seemed to get it.


And now.....the MOVIE!!!!!


"Wanna play the rape game?"
   "No!"
"That's the spirit!"





During sex I like to pluck my wife's monobrow with my teeth. Is this weird?



There is a mother-in-law joke in here someplace that I would make if my wife didn't read my blog...


We've all had people die and the only good thing you could say about them was "At least he wasn't elected to Congress."


Why don't we use gray water (from showers, sinks and washing machines) to flush toilets?
What a waste of our greatest resource.


I asked my wife is she could get me a newspaper. "Don't be silly," she said, "You can use my iPad."
That spider never knew what hit it.


Bullshit I have heard in my life: "Tattoos make a girl look ugly."


I told my wife that a great way to spice up our sex life would be to actually have sex.


If I stumbled across this, I would steal it in a heartbeat. I call such pilferage "preserving artifacts" and I've done it all my life. I have some real treasures.


Not to bore you, but I have real problems with my back. I'm at the point now that I can't do many of the things I used to take for granted.

My wife calls our anniversary the day she gave up on finding someone better than me.




This 4th of July let's congratulate ourselves on being mere decades behind other developed countries.


These two arrangements of the pieces are identical, except with one arrangement it looks like a woman disappeared. 




Life was so much simpler when we could play a friendly game of red rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.




I'm sorry, but I would be embarrassed to do this. I find it an abomination. An affront to all living creatures.


How hot is it.........
The heat index here has just gone from OMG to WTF.
Satan called. He wants his weather back.
Today's heat has my wife more hot and bothered than her reading Fifty Shades of Grey at a Magic Mike screening.
Seriously, the liquids in my garage have heated to such a degree as to create vapors that seep out of the containers. Now the insect repellants, car products, glass cleaners, stains, naptha, fuel containers, sun screen, paints, anti-freeze, Armor-all, etc., makes my trip through the garage akin to strolling through the noxious fumes seeping from some grotesque super fund site.


Back when people used to care about such things...


Who else finds it impossible to sleep with a sock on their dick?





Most people on Facebook are beautiful only until their photoshop 30 day trial expires.



Just because you can, DOES NOT mean you should...


Aliens searching for intelligent life need only watch my wife drive and they would leave.



I'll see your treehouse and raise you my tree-top house...


I'm already looking forward to my nap tomorrow.



Those magnificent Romans....
 The soldiers built this shit, did you know that?

In the land of AREYOUOUTOFYOURFUCKINGMIND...


The self checkout lane was invented by a man who was sent to the store to by tampons.



The talent of creating living bridges is passed from grandfather to grandson...


"I want to see Magic Mike for the compelling storyline," said no woman, ever.



An affordable bottle cutter...

Somehow it made me feel better when I thought he was fucked up on something synthetic.....
Now it just comes down to extreme munchies.

No joke here, folks, just move along...
"Sarcasm, motherfucker! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!"

Darwin's exceptions...


Having a baby is like having a dog that slowly learns how to talk.



Get a fucking job....


I've never met anybody who wasn't important. You just have to learn to ask the right questions.



This is not it, but the last time I was in my gun shop I saw a rifle with a cylinder....


TRUE: Old Native American proverb: When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.




Let's see where your mind is....


When I first went to see Beauty and the Beast, I thought it would be similar to a sex act I saw in Mexico.





We could end a lot of confusion if we just called soccer "kick ball".....which it is.





Poor Italy came all that way 4-nothing.


Look, I don't give a shit about his policies...you have to admit, he is one cool son of a bitch....
But she looks just like every angry black woman who has ever manned the complaints desk at DMV.

Honey, yo' tittie is hangin' right outta yo' dress....
...not that there's anything wrong with that.
(actually, I think that's very arty...honest)


They say before you can marry a Korean girl, you first have to beat her father in StarCraft II.



This doctor collected every pen he had ever received from a drug rep.....I don't know why....


This is, of course, part of the Statue of Liberty, but in Birmingham, Alabama they had the second largest statue named Vulcan. For years they had trouble raising the money to build the base, so the pieces just lay scattered around the park.
My mother told me that when she was growing up, if a child got lost he/she had been told to go to Vulcan's toe to await their parents.


Beautiful.....
(anybody else notice the guy leaning over toward her tit?)


I'm of the opinion that Mike Tyson biting off Holyfield's ear 15 years ago started the whole zombie apocalypse craze.




How......embarrassing........

Wouldn't this be a good idea...

I'll have some of what she had....

I really, really hope this is true....


Feel depressed yet? Think about this: You'll be dead five days after the power goes out....then I'm going to eat you.




How I walk when one of my balls are stuck to my leg on a hot day....


Life is like toilet paper. You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.



?????????


What an interesting question to ask yourself each morning...
And from a man who wakes up every morning with a homeless woman waiting for me on my back porch...that's not bullshit.


What a bizarre fucking surreal image....


My, my, how times have changed....

Look what Glen Beck has for sale...


People say that everything I say sounds really creepy when I'm not wearing pants.


No comments:

Random Post

Random Posts Widget

Blog Archive