About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, September 7, 2012

FRIDAY 9/7/12



There's a large (12'x8') outdoor shower under our beach house. The floor is just deck planking so the water just seeps into the sand. My wife and I like using it together. Today I said, "Let me show you how a pirate does it," and peed right on the flooring.
Not liking to be outdone pirate-wise, she squatted but a little and shit right beside my foot.  She's like the Captain Ozzy-fucking-Osbourne of the shock pirate genre.
It's been a while since I have seen that degree of competitiveness in her. I shan't challenger her again when it comes to pirate stuff.

From dear friend, Alex....

I'm sure that this next post was meant to show greed.

To me and every other person with a pension, however, we are delighted.



I got in touch with my inner self today.
That's the last time I buy cheap toilet paper.


Sydney....


My wife is very proud of me. I went through an entire day without turning on caps lock.





I look at people sometimes and think...Really? That's the sperm that won?





The once excuse for having two men on one motorcycle is if there is another motorcycle nearby......in a ditch......on fire.





Think about this. When there remains party food on the tray after a party and you put them in the fridge, the next day you have left d'oeuvres.



Got this off a foreign site. I think it's one of those discs aboard a space ship...


If someone says he is a liar, would you believe him?






This is the way I look when I get home, casually go through the amusing antics at the bar, and then remember that I walked out without paying my tab...

You get the idea that the bear killed the buffalo, but I think he just happened upon it...notice how its neck looks broken...


Do. Want.

My wife says I look like him now that I'm growing my hair out.

I loathe these.


World, meet Bud. Bud, world....




Hey, blonde lady, you're cute and all, but that's the fucking door handle.


I was once so drunk that when I walked across the dance floor to get another beer I won the dance competition.












You have exactly one life in which to do everything you'll ever do.

Act accordingly.


There were a whole series of these. Movie posters with a letter missing from the original....Walking Dad was another...


Do midgets really have night vision?




Cute. Real cute.



This is the way I look when I'm told I won a football pool I don't even remember buying squares on......


I am very thankful that my sex toy shop has a no returns policy.




Awkwaaaaaard.......

This is real McDonald food. They say it is laser etched so no ink is needed....like that's supposed to make me feel all better and shit...

My bet is that some of them read: Use before 2019.

Well, if you got to die anyway, why not?


Your cell phone is a tracking device that lets you make calls.



I just put this in this post to remind my wife of the time we saw petrified trees that littered the landscape for as far as the eye could see.....

This little Castro girl stole the show if you ask me.
But let me tell you how I'm reading the Dems...
 They want to pay for everyone to go to college...well, who doesn't.
They want to give unemployed people more money...me too.
Help people pay for their homes, pay doctors' bills if you get sick, etc. etc.  I want all those things, too.
In my humble opinion they have forgotten about one thing.
Each of us are about $35,000 in debt...every man, woman and child. I think the Democratic party is the give money away to poor people party....and we just can't afford it.
Of course, the Republicans are the give money to rich people party, so either way people like me are fucked.
Further, why don't they just call it what it is...."I want to take some of you working people's money and give it to that 15 year old with two kids." But we don't spend money anymore....we "invest".
And please don't comment that big corps get money...I KNOW THAT!

This was surely one of those "you should have been there" moments....




Yeah....fuck you....everybody on the planet are stealing songs so exactly where are the artists supposed to make their money...T-fucking-shirts????


The girl on the right may not have thought her sign through....





You had one job, Freddie. One fucking job....

"My master is asleep. Come back later....please."

I'm sorry I never attended a Burning Man....but I think it's too late now....


Legitimate rape/forced rape/puppy love: I want you to image that one of these 17 year old teenagers gets pregnant by her 19 year old boy friend.....that's rape. Think about the whole "legitimate" rape thing for just a moment. When I was a teenager I fucked a whole bunch of other teenagers and we never gave it a thought as to who was legal and who was not. So let's just remember that some unshaved guy in a van tying your daughter up and raping her is a far, far cry than a prom party at the lake.


Fuck Obama Care, this is the way babies ought to be delivered....

Interesting read...



If you're drooling, I tend to find out.




All your foes have face masks? There's an app for that...

Not only will it bite the shit out of you, but then it will give you that maniacal laugh of his...


How long does it take to fly to the edge of the solar system? At least 35 years. Voyager 1 is there now, carrying 1970s-era technology that might make your jaw sag -- computers with 8,000 words of memory and 8-track tape recorders. 

Those of us who can remember popping the Allman Brothers into the 8-track tape deck can identify with Voyagers 1 and 2


1K...


There is a robot cheetah that runs at 28.3 mph.



Yeah, right...yeah, right....

This is what I look like when my team is down by two; they are on the twenty yard line; and they decide to go for the TD instead of kicking the field goal and they fumble.....every fucking time.....

Not the outcome I was expecting...

THERE WILL BE NO POST THIS SATURDAY

1 comment:

Daniel said...

yugen /yoo-gehn/ n. (japanese)

an awareness of the universe that triggers emotional responses too deep and mysterious for words

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