About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

WEDNESDAY #1400


A FEW NEWSY THINGS



Doug Spink famously operated the notorious bestiality farm in the news several years ago but when he went to prison, it was not for that but for the easier-collar of violating previous parole. He’s out now, and charges were filed based on evidence recovered in 2010, including “13 mice, each coated in a lubricant.”



Rules being drafted by the state Dept. of Agriculture will require any pet facility that contains a pool of any depth to leash all animals put little life jackets on all animals. (That, Gentle Reader, is what we mean by "over regulation")


The BBC and Mensa have apologized after a spokesman for the society described anyone with an IQ of below 60 as a ''carrot'' live on air.


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Got some time to kill? Try to name an object that no human has ever attempted to use sexually.



Never understood rape.
But you must be smart about it. I mean, blowing that rape whistle will just let all the other rapists know where you are?

I remember when my daughters were young and caught me just standing somewhere doing nothing, they always asked "What ya doin'?"

I began telling them, "Elevator practice" and that seems to satisfy them more than saying "Nothing".


This took me a minute, don't give up to quickly...

When you turn 21, you can legally do all the things you've been doing since you were 15.


My kind of guy...

Vineyard?

The cast of "The Office" gets paid so much more to pretend to work than you get paid to actually work.



A white blood cell chasing a bacteria...

This village woke up one morning and find these tracks leading out of the jungle, through the town, through the school, and into the ocean. They don't have a clue as to what it is...
 My guess is hoax.

I'll pass...

If you mix stolen packets of Taco Bell hot sauce with Ramen noodles, it tastes exactly like poverty.



This is a knuckle ball and whether you know it or not, it is very impressive...


One of my very own...

My hobby is mixing curse levels just to confuse people.

Example: You gosh-darned cunt!


No pants are the best pants.



What if rappers rapped about nice things?

"Give that homeless bitch my clothes cause she be gettin' cold!"
It's fun to think of other lyrics...try it in your spare time.

Sun moving through space with all orbiting objects...
 That's the damnest thing I've seen in a long while.
Guys, if you ever run into anything that is as cool as that, please leave me a link in comments.

OOMVO...

I love how my wife and I have been married for twenty-something years and we are sitting on the couch watching A Christmas Carol for the sixtieth time. That's what I call bondage.....I mean, bonding.....damn spellcheck.


 Sometimes after I clip my toenails, I shove the bigger pieces in between all my top teeth then smile at my wife just to freak her ass out.
Once she almost puked. I thought it was hilarious.


I see all these dads in my neighborhood who build shit and repair shit and do all kinds of lawn care shit and I think....I should have that motherfucker come over and do some shit for me.


Somebody missed the whole fucking concept....
...never seen an ape with a drinking problem before.


I have a young friend who named his WiFi "Hack if you can". Within 48 hours somebody changed it to "Challenge Accepted."



There aren't enough nopes for this...

You know girls can tell when you look at their boobs. I don't care how quickly you glance, 1 second is like 15 seconds in boob time.



Decadence can be an end in itself.




____________WOMEN BEING WOMEN_________

 If you are not looking around for somebody to share that with, you have no friends.

Let's see what the internet has to say about guns...

NOTE: Many of the same people who think owning a gun is a fundamental right believe that health care isn't.

No taste and timidity will always come in a bad second to bad taste and vulgarity.


OOMVO...
 That is very clever.



Was making faces at a baby and I made it laugh so hard it shit itself....I fear I have become too powerful.



"What's wrong...you chicken or somethin'?"

One word.....Darwin....

What if those burps that taste really awful are actually farts that climbed back up to freedom?


????

Improvised volume remote control....

Even the smartest dinosaur was stupid as fuck.



This is the way I look every time I'm asked to listen to somebody's little snowflake play a musical instrument...

He missed the whole concept...oh, that's right, you can kill all the people you want, then accept Christ and you are saved. (fuck that shit...you are fucked)....

I used a handicapped bathroom stall once and a guy in a wheelchair had to wait for me to get out, so I faked being retarded.



I wonder if Gregory Hines walks into a room, looks at the floor and thinks, "I'd tap that."



In Russia, this kind of faked accident happens so often that drivers all have dash-cams...

Sex education done right...

When life gives me lemons...I HATE FUCKING LEMONS!!



OOMVO...

What if cats invented the internet just so nobody would notice how useless they were?



Rescuing beer that is trapped in the bottle is my hobby.





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