WEDNESDAY #1471

I hate to be so cynical, but I am...

They call smaller pieces of candy "Fun Size"...those clever, clever bastards.

If you lend someone $20 and you never see or hear from them again, it was a worthwhile investment.

Is wealth just the poverty of desire?

This states are also the least educated...

I have a very strict gun control policy.
If there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it.


They are going to clone one of these guys.....thoughts?

Ladies and gentlemen, Annie Oakley....

TRUE: I can't wait until government insurance kicks in. 
I have just spent two days at the VA. Found myself sitting in a big room filled with homeless people...all coughing.
(homeless vets are a disgrace, but not part of this narrative)
Actually, I - looking very much like a homeless person - fit right in, except my clothing didn't reek of urine.
They have you take a number when you first get there. I got 186. The first number they called out was 103. I was there two hours to have a vial of blood taken.
Then there is the parking. There is none. Dozens of cars play an hour's long game of cruise the parking lot waiting for someone to leave.
I had to see a specialist for a rather serious ailment a while back....three week wait.
Every test my doctor wants to give me he has to send it to a panel for approval.
The point being, my VA coverage is free, a payback for handling nuclear weapons for four years. Being free, you get exactly what you pay for.
What I can't wait to see, is all the "Government Can Do It Better Crowd" sitting in that same bum filled room (or one just like it) with their little snowflake who has the flu and can't understand why she can't accept that partially eaten Mars Bar from the bearded man with all of his positions in a forty gallon Glad Bag.

Let's revisit this genius. He's spot on...down to the color of his clothing...

This game was designed to be impossible, but it is humorous to try...

I wonder why these never caught on...

So, how do you turn it? Surely not those little wheels in the front.

This machine will "sharpen" just about any cylindrical object into a dick...

What would happen if you put your dick in there?

This is a fossil of the texture of dinosaur skin...

These millions of black balls were added to a reservoir of water for some reason or other...

But look how they naturally align themselves...

And in the You Can't Make This Shit Up department...

Black people...

I look at my daughters now, all grown up, and marvel that they were once in my balls.

I love making images high-contrast.

Sorry I don't know who took the original photo or I would surely give them credit.

This castle in upstate NY is for sale for only $1M.

I can only assume it needs a lot of work.

Okay, cow eats bird....

...but it sure looks like the poor thing was tied to the ground with string. Watch the zoom in at the end.

You can't deny that going to Hogwarts would be life-changing.

You think you are a practical joker? Try this:
After your wife has gone to bed, put the plunger in the toilet with the handle straight up, then turn off the light and unscrew the lightbulb.
It's a fucking hoot; the sounds I heard that night I would not want to hear twice in my life.
But, of course, she didn't speak to you for a month.
The first thing she asked me was, "Couldn't you have at least put some lube on it?"
Yeah, like she remembers what lube is.


Life's a bitch, old buddy...

Everybody's 15 minutes is not always what it's cracked up to be.

Reuse, it's a good thing...

This guy hand-carves furniture to look like it's a weird pause thing on a video tape...

You have no idea how much porn I've watched in that configuration.

Sweet, sweet justice...

Go back and look at the comatose spectators.

There is no greater waste of time in life than wishing a one-year-old a happy birthday.
Birthdays. You get presents and/or money for being born. You are rewarded for living.
It's like being Kim Kardashian for a day.

I have so done this...

One of my very own...

Shit you don't see every fucking day...

Do more good than harm. What other standard is there to live by?


????

I'm thinking of taking an over/under date for when African-Americans get tired of being called African-Americans and demand we call them something else.


I have a story about this...

When I was in Germany I had a girlfriend who lived in Hamburg. I used to visit often, on a train, and for just a few miles the train cut through France. Well, being in the US military, nobody ever fucked with me...nobody. But when the German train stopped at the French border and a dozen French troops began to check papers, I had a weird feeling. When they got to me, I handed them my ID card, but they demanded a passport. Then it dawned on me. France had just withdrawn from NATO and now didn't honor the military ID card.
They took me off the train and questioned me just long enough for my train to leave. It took hours extra to get home.

These people are smiling........smiling...

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you're a good person is like expecting the bull not to attack you because you're a vegetarian.

You know, if the world could get off their ass, they could come up with an easily replaceable universal battery for all 9v systems. Recharged batteries could be "bought" at every gas station, newsstand, market, etc...then just switched for the dead one.


OOMVO...

(potvaliancy - brave only as a result of being drunk)
(what a wonderful word)

(Note: a grinder is a sub-sandwich)

Police described it as "a case of aggravated assault", and described the grinder-hurling as a performance "that should only be attempted by seasoned professionals".

Why are humans the only animals who wear clothes? Or, put another way, why don't we want to be seen naked?

Bet you didn't see that coming...

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
Today I found myself discussing women in combat with two field grade combat officers who have seen recent combat. Both were against having women in combat.
This was not surprising, but when I got them one on one I made some inroads.
I reminded them that there were serious reservations about whether to even allow women in the Army. Then about sending them to a combat zone. Then about letting them fly combat aircraft....etc...etc...
Finally, one of them told me that he was against it because he would never want one of his daughters to have to experience what he had experienced.
I countered with - What about the parents who didn't want their sons to experience combat during Vietnam.
My clincher was to ask them if the Army could function today if you removed all female soldiers. The answer was, of course, no.
Further, I told him I knew that he knew that the fittest of females was more fit than the weakest of males in combat.
He agreed.