FAT FRIDAY #1404

NEWS...

And no one gave a single fuck...

 Actually most policies exempt acts of terror.

I know it's dated, but this made me laugh until I got tears in my eyes....

More troubles with Curiosity.
First it drew a huge dick on Mars...

Then it went over the horizon and in huge letters wrote: "BITE ME, VOYAGER."
According to Associated Press, scientists are anxious to see what the arrogant little bastard will do next.

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

 "Oh, thanks. There for a minute, I was feeling just a little too healthy."

This is why he was called the Greatest. I totally agree...

If you are not impressed with that, stand in front of your young kid and ask him to hit you over and over and see if you can do it.
His gloves are at his waist for Pete's sake.

Painting of a chair...

 ...that you can sit on...in....on....?

Speaking of chairs....

This windup chair recharges your phone...

I have joined a movement that is actively seeking to remove the letter D from the word Wednesday. We have meetings every Wenesday.

I don't want to know the doctor's name.
(too subtle?)

Millions of fish just swam up on their beach...

Date rape drug detectors...

I painted something very similar this in my young daughters' room...

See anything odd about this image?

 Vegan tattoo while eating hot dog.

This is a bishop's asshole.....true.....

You found it here, folks. A fucking bishop's asshole. Where else are you going to find such quality postings? Let that tidbit be your opening during your next round of speed dating.
"Yeah, I saw a bishop's asshole today. How was your day?"

Sometimes I wonder what I would be doing right now if there was no internet.

Highlight: [ socks ] 

This is clearly the damnest thing I have ever learned about science.

 The instantaneous transfer of knowledge from anywhere to anywhere. Spooky, indeed. 

Dear website designers,

Don't do this. Medium grey on black is very difficult to read. And the images aren't large enough to help me know if they are worth enlarging.

Your job is to communicate. Try to make it as easy as possible.

Sincerely,

The World

And remember, the above is three times as large as they appear on the site.
This is just about normal size.

Fucking pricks.

 A prescription for dizziness I once took...

Am I the only one who puts "Wake Up" on my daily to-do list?
God I hope not.

I was told, and believe, that success is being respected by those you respect. That really works for me. Take a minute to think about that a minute. I won't say it changed my life, but it did give me some clarity.

Pulling a body out of a tree after a Japanese plane crash...

I had a brother-in-law who worked as a mechanic for Delta Airlines. He was called upon to help pull bodies out of the Everglades after a no survivor crash. He told me that many of the seats were still intact with people buckled in...and all of them had all of their clothes blown away. And that was the least gruesome thing he found that weekend.

I don't think so...

"Half a dozen" because "six" is way too long.

I regret that I never had the opportunity to learn much about horses....like how to ride them. I think they are beautiful beasts, worthy of our utmost respect...

I always stop and wave pedestrians across the street just to see that little half running/half walking thing they do all the way across the road. And I do not hide the fact that I'm laughing at them.

I take pride in killing time, since time is already killing me.

Welcome to America, ya'll. This thing has TWO sets of wheels. Wouldn't requiring two sets of wheels on your chair be...I don't know...trying to tell you something?

I keep noticing all these articles about this "mystery". I distinctly remember watching a documentary about a real scientist who placed small GPS devices on some of these and found they only move during the rare rain event in the area. As I recall, the water turns the surface almost frictionless and the wind from the storm nudges it along.

The reason they go in one direction? That's the prevailing direction of the wind.

The driver's seat on the Shuttle...

As a man who can not set his automatic coffee maker, I'm very, very, very impressed.

Nothing lasts forever. I think that's the easiest lesson we all learn the hardest way.

The moment a child is born, a mother is born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but never the mother. A mother is something absolutely new.
(give that one just a moment)

Get ready to cringe, folks...

 BACK UP, YOU IDIOT AND ROLL HER FAT ASS OUT OF THERE!!! Damn, I bet that hurt.
I bet she is soooooo ready for sex or won't have it again for a month. The jury is still out.

This motherfucker printed out a picture of a headlight and taped it on his goddamned damaged car!!!!

In the "Shit That Might Come In Handy" department...

Three very good ideas....in my opinion...

I should have thought of that last one. I have NEVER gotten those holes drilled correctly...not once.

Praying Mantises being born...

Something I've never seen.

 One of my very own...

20 years ago, my old roadtrip buddy, Rupert, drove all the way over to my house to present me with this. I asked what it was and he said it was a TUIT that he just got. I asked him what a TUIT was and he said, "Oh, you didn't get a round TUIT?" Then we laughed at his cleverness.

Today on the internet I ran across this.

Who woulda thunk?

This guy's gaze follows you as you walk...

It's inverted, you see.

I read that those grasping springy things work by sending it out more or less straight until he contacts something. Then the touch retards the growth on that side. As the opposite side continues to grow, it naturally bends around the object.

There are two kinds of people"
1) Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

This male is either running to take the kill away from the females or to challenge another male. They don't hunt...

I almost killed my wife last night and she blamed me! But, shit, she was the one who forgot the safe word!


One man's growth...

Somewhere along the way, pouring dessert into a bowl of milk became breakfast. I'd like to know how that happened.


Please do...

This is supposed to be a tattoo. I seriously doubt if it's real, but it's still an interesting concept...

"What we have here, is a failure to communicate."

Viewed a collection of stupid shit on a web site. I understood all of them but this one. Help me here people.
Could they be upside down? Please help....

Sniff paint?!?......Me?!?!........

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...
Keys. Just about every day I pick the wrong key to open a door. Like when I go to lock the back door before going somewhere and I'm thinking about which vehicle to take, I will ALWAYS try sticking the vehicle's key in the back door. And if I'm musing about whether I locked the back door (or something like that), I will try to start the car with the door key.
Additionally, I never seem to understand why the key won't work and keep sticking it in the lock.
Maybe it's just me.
A fact: I have never owned a vehicle with electric windows or door locks. Yes, people like me still exist.

THERE WILL BE AN IMAGE ONLY POST TOMORROW. TAKE YOUR TIME...I LIKE THIS ONE.