MONDAY #1513

This Mother's Day you should thank both your parents for being horny that night.
Anyway, this is the woman who cleaned your butt...at least give her a call.

I hope you had a nice...

(silly, I know...forgive me)
The difference between getting Star Spangled Hammered on St. Patrick's Day and drinking on Cinco de Mayo is that nobody pretends to be a Mexican.
You have to admit that it's good when a holiday is named after the date on which it falls, but I don't need an obscure Mexican battle to justify my drinking.

Found these smoked Russian sardines at a local European market. They are very good...

 This Russian alphabet....go figure...

 As I understand it, the German's had an alphabet like that and Hitler, or somebody, just....changed it. Demanded that everyone convert to the new, more modern letters. 

This is my young friend mounting some of my artwork this weekend..

I hate the layout. They insisted. I said yes. And they paid an embarrassing amount of money....I added an Aggravation Fee.

Triangles....triangles everywhere...

Do blind people believe in ghosts?
(think about that a moment)

For Lara...

At least not having an office window means you'll never know how nice it is outside.

Neil deGrasse Tyson thinks that the idea of flying saucers spinning is stupid. Explains that the concept started with the invention of the Frisbee. 

If you are the least sort of curious person, you should do a little research on Building 7. I am not a conspiracy advocate, but Building 7 was very, very odd...

Crossword puzzle clue:
Choose the window instead of the aisle.
_ _ _ _ _
[ ELOPE ]

I watched a movie where two astronauts had crashed on Mars with only a year to live and no hope of rescue. I immediately thought what this man suggested...

"In a nationwide study of 15,000 high school students, pot is now more popular among teens than cigarettes."

Clown Spiders - A gift from your god to your nightmares...

The crime rate in New York City has plunged dramatically.  "In one remarkable day, Nov. 26, 2012, there was not a single murder, stabbing or shooting reported in the nation's largest city, possibly the only time that happened since New York was a small Dutch colony." 

Is it just me....

 ...or does the thought of an armless man "fighting" bring to mind that Monte Python knight scene.

Bicycle helmet laws are discussed in a Reddit thread which includes some interesting arguments ("reduced injuries comes about only because of reduced bike riding"). That means junior, when faced with mandatory helmet rules simply stopped riding his bike.

I knew a woman who, after her honeymoon, had her marriage annulled because her new husband's dick was too big to......fit. A few years later she married another man, and in that small town everyone only knew one thing about her new husband....his dick was NOT too big.

SPOILER: This may not be true...

 Did you notice the tag?

My buddy who owns my favorite bar stood behind the bar and another customer said something about his shirt that I did not hear. I did hear when he apologized for wearing a Polo shirt with the alligator with this statement: "My wife bought it for me."

So the new law is to put all the beach houses in New Jersey on stilts. Why did it take a devastating storm to realize this was a good idea?

SCIENCE EDUCATION

The Wonders of the Universe is hosted by Brian Cox, a young physicist who puts on a hell of a show...

It is very, very informative AND entertaining.
For example, in demonstrating what the gravity of other planets would do to you, he got in a G Machine and had them crank it up to 5G's.
Here's what that young handsome guy looked like...

As you may remember, I have always been confused about how all the galaxies were rushing away from each other and yet Andromeda and the Milky Way are due to collide. A very smart man told me that galaxies collide all the time, but that really didn't answer the question, did it.
Well, Dr. Brian Cox put it this way:
Relatively shortly after the Big Bang some of the galaxies formed so close to one another that their shared gravity was enough to overcome the extreme forces of the expansion.
Thank you, Brian. You seem to understand how important it is to explain to the public the fruits of their tax dollars spent on scientific research.

Watched a documentary about Detroit called "Detropia".
Here are some tidbits...

What happened to the jobs?
Well, here is a show of hands by union members. They were asked to take a pay cut to keep the company operating and they.....said.....no.

So the company was moved to Mexico and now instead of taking less pay they now have no pay.
Somehow in modern America that makes sense.

"Nastiness" is so fleeting. Not too long ago, this hand gesture was not nasty. Then one day some people decided that if you do this to a police officer or whatever, it could be a crime.

I wonder if this gesture is illegal?

It just seems so silly. Holding up one particular finger will one day lose it's insult and be ignored....again. But in this brief moment of time it could fuck you up. I just don't get it.
I mean, can we all just make this shit up? Is it this easy?

Said to be true....

The problem with myself, and life, is that even though I rolled a solid pretty high in intelligence, I rolled a near 0 in fucks.

In the near future, Velveeta will be our universal currency.

And yet we do nothing...

Ran across this and liked it...

Here's some of his work...

I noticed this in the movie, but chalked it up to Tarantino's style...

You can't make shit like this up...

And the caption for above...

My daughter once asked me, "What’s the big deal with virginity?" I said, "Well, if you went to get a donut, would you pick the one that had never been touched or the one that had a dozen dicks stuck in it?"

One of my very own...

“Only 4% of men around the world know how beautiful their balls are.” 

That conclusion was reached after men were asked to describe their balls to a sketch artist.

I don't actually agree with this, just thought it clever...

He made his first sketch when but twelve years old.

He had never had art lessons of any kind. His first attempt, he used one of his younger sister's crayons and the back inside cover of a book he was reading. It never occurred to him that he had talent at such things, but his sister seemed to like it. His pride was soon crushed amidst his parents' tirades of having "ruined" the book his grandmother had given him for his birthday. He never drew again, but he pledged to himself that he would be a much different kind of parent....and he was.