WEDNESDAY #1723

How very, very true...

The camp commandant of the German prison in the movie The Great Escape was captured on the eastern front during WWII and served time in a Russian prisoner of war camp.

Americans are decidedly uneasy about whether science should actually help people push death far into the future. 

Roughly half of Americans surveyed by the Pew Research Center said medical treatments that stretch life spans to 120 years or more would be bad for society

I concur. But if I did live to a huge age, I would make up some fake bullshit reason why just to fuck with people...like claim I ate a pinecone every single day.

Plus, think about this: If the oldest person on earth is 116 years old, then 117 years ago, there was a completely different set of human beings on earth.

There is a joke about your mother in here somewhere...

I was in my late 40's when I took a US History 101 class for recertification...

The professor said something like, "The anti-war movement of the 60's and 70's proves that college students then were much more socially conscious than kids today."
I held up my hand and told him that I was there and the only reason most of those people were protesting the war was because there was a draft and they were vulnerable. 

My brother spent his entire adult life in the Air Force and has some very strong opinions on this matter...

My brother was a Chief Master Sergeant and after I said something about the people who spent years in the Hanoi Hilton being heroes, he said that on many of the aircraft shot down there were non-officers, but they never made it to POW camps because they were shot in the head as soon as they were found. Only officers went to prisons. So who were the heroes...the officers who took off knowing they would at least live or the enlisted man who knew he would be executed?
Further, he laughed at the notion that one pilot shouldn't shoot another pilot who has bailed out of his airplane. 

Think about it this way: if a tank is on fire and the tank commander climbs out, you shoot him dead or else he just goes and gets another tank and is back in the war. But if you shot an airplane and the pilot is floating down in a parachute you are supposed let him land and go get in another airplane???
My brother finds things like that absurd.

Alcatraz Prison Menu - 1946...

After all this time, they still haven't gotten all the kinks out of public transportation...

I used to love walking through the barn at the State Fair looking at all the weird-ass chickens.

Me and that motherfucker could have kept eye contact for an hour....yeah....we understand each other....broken beak...who gives a fuck hair....piercing stare....hell yeah!

I agreed to get married for better or worse as long as it wasn’t a whole lot worse.

Bill Fucking Murray is the one thing upon which we can all agree...

My son-in-law was born in Iran and he knows this feeling well...

My wife once asked me if I would like to fulfill one of her fantasies and before I knew it I was cleaning the fucking oven....and I wasn't even naked.

This kind of patriotism should be encouraged...

We’ve given up the appearance of privacy for the illusion of safety.

Had we been born elsewhere...

I like showing foreign weird-ass people doing "normal" things instead of just standing there with their bloated stomachs and flies all over their faces...I mean...damn.

Whenever we meet someone, we try to accept them for who we are.

I wonder how many people get this....

Seriously....Got Netflix? Here's a couple of suggestions:
Lore
Back in 1942
There Will Be Dragons
King of the Hill

Sure it's fake, but it's still funny....kind of.

This is what we were all taught to dread when I was but a lad...

I knew a couple who supplied all their children...boys and girls...with non-gender role toys....

One day the mother came in and her daughter had arranged all her toy trucks in a line. The mother asked what was going on and the child said, "This is the Daddy truck, and the Mommie truck, and these are the baby trucks."

I played cowboys and Indians, cops and robbers and all my generation did was be in a war, somewhere, almost continuously. What’s the big deal….it was good for business.

James Michener (I think) wrote about the South Pacific and a love/hate relationship families had with a family "pet". 

The family would take a small male pig and tie it to a tree and pamper it for the rest of its life. They would chew the pig's food and gently place it in its mouth so it never had to chew, thus never grinding down it's teeth.

Well, as the boar grew it's tusks would grow and curve completely up and over until it entered the top of it's snout....causing extreme pain. With tender loving care the family could keep the "pet" alive until the tusk emerged under the chin, kept growing and REENTERED THE SNOUT.
The point of this exercise was a bracelet. Most people had a single loop of "ivory", but the really doting masters got a double loop....priceless.
(The picture above, Gentle Reader, is not a pig. The horns just reminded me of the story.)
This is an example of a single loop tusk bracelet...

Fragmentation grenade...

TRUE: A young boy was killed at a railroad crossing that had malfunctioned. The parents signed papers that they would not hold the railroad liable. Shortly afterwards the railroad sued the parents for the repairs to the track.

True: I was walking past a guy and a girl sitting at the bar and heard the guy say, "I don't scream at random people!"

Got a new game for you. It's called "Get Down Mr. President" and here's the rules. When you are walking down the street with some friends, you put your wrist to your mouth like a Secret Service agent talking into his microphone. The last person to notice and follow suit is "Mr. President" and the other people shout, "Get down, Mr. President!" and jump on top of him.
(the police never think it is as funny as you do)

I'll never forget the look on my daughter's face when I told her that Casper The Friendly Ghost was just a dead child.

Okay, which one of you sick fucks made this necessary?

I once had a Blackjack dealer yell at me for something that wasn't my fault....it was like we were married.

Terse enough for you?

Damn near curt.

"War Horse"

 My whole life has been a lie.

Real headline...

 Yes, this guru hated green so much that anything of that color had to be removed from the rooms in which he was to speak...even the exit signs.

Well, I bet his mom is proud...

There are rock formations younger than I am.

Proof that pretty girls always go for the bad boys...

 Eva Braun.

If you are like me and love creating very awkward situations just to see how people deal with them...

...don't forget...the next time you are in a fancy restaurant, ask for a corn dog...then just look at the waiter's expression. Everyone so far that I have spoofed, was so concerned about not offending me that they missed the gag completely.

And who could argue with her?

Egyptians had to move a whole fucking temple due to flooding caused by a damn. I found it awesome...

There was a great documentary on one of the channels that used to actually teach you shit like this.

In its defense, smoking can reveal hidden laser traps.


I've tried making art by weaving strips of things....

Clever, but not a life's pursuit.

I have no idea what this is supposed to mean, and I like it that way...

Remember, the journey to nowhere also starts with a single step.

I once returned a puppy to the shelter because it was happier than I was.

Speaking of...

I find it interesting that a person who eats the same thing for breakfast everyday for years is pretty normal, but a person who eats the same thing for supper is a weirdo.

Said to be the creepiest picture on the internet...