This next one is too small to read, but you can get the drift...
There is a new human-sized maze at the Smithsonian...
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Bird poops on Putin...
Do you have any idea the psychological torture that I have
endured being nice to people?
Overheard my female bartender and two female patrons
discussing their weirdest sex story. One girl said she was doing a guy and he
said, “How do you like my pee pee inside you?”
The look on Ronaldo's face...
You want allegro?
YOU CAN'T HANDLE ALLEGRO!!
Our old friend juxtaposition...
Public art...with a ???....
“Siri, why does god cause suffering?”
“He doesn’t cause it, he just doesn’t stop it.”
“Oh, Siri, that’s even worse.”
(think the Tom Hanks movie)
Speaking of movies...
And....
“I want to thank you for your part in my journey.” - One of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.
The old guy in the middle in the red shirt, is our retired mayor who everyone just calls Mayor Bob. Those are his children...with his respective grandchildren...
I taught each of them. A finer mayor never served.
Why do people bite their nails? Obsessive compulsive disorder
only explains so much. I hate to admit it, but I judge people who bite their nails negatively.
I’m not saying my wife is fat, but if she were in
Hogwarts, her wand would be a Slim Jim.
Am I the only one who begs to know what happened to him at the bottom?
In one easy to understand booklet...
I think it just used 2000 words to tell you that you are fucked.
Shit you don't see everyday from the past...
Stool-mate at bar: “I never seem to see her unless I’m drunk.”
Me: “Well, that’s a mighty big window, old buddy.”
How does love at first sight exist if love is blind?
Somehow, with my sexual....history, I have remained uninfected. That may be somewhat of a record.
Why have I never thought of that yet?
Shit prisoners waiting to be released...
Why does milk have the monopoly on liquids that go on
cereal? Has anyone ever tried anything else?
When the shit almost hits the fan...
I put gravy on my gravy…and that’s true.
What a dedicated guy...
Do you ever listen to someone for a while and wonder who
ties their shoes for them?
TRUE STORY: When my father was a young man, he was a traveling salesman. Once he was driving in Louisiana and had to pee, so he pulled over and walked over to a bush. While he was peeing a young woman who had been picking blackberries stood up and said, "You headed to Baton Rouge?" And my father zipped himself up...with the predictable outcome. I can remember my mother tending his wounds while trying not to laugh.
A rather modern "Shit You Don't See Everyday"...
I'm open for suggestions on that one.
Do you think a man accused of rape should have the right
to remain anonymous until found guilty?
An idea for a movie...
One Of My Very Own...
A headline...
(She said that she had been drinking and forgot.)
Bacon tastes so much better when marinated in vegan tears.
I want to be as cool as this guy...
A popular image site has begun placing these...infomercials right in the middle of otherwise neat stuff....
Most are real commercials plugging siding or some such shit, but this one just struck me as odd.
Well, it could happen....
And my favorite....
On our second date I asked my wife if I was her first and
she said, “You mean today?”
Bottle caps...go figure...(squint for best effect)....
That was for my friend, Jack, who does such things.
I watched Wall-E for an hour in Spanish before I realized
anything was wrong.
My daughter will like this...
Most of us spend 80% of our waking hours waiting for
people to shut the fuck up.
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