Half of Detroit's parking meters out of order.
Is this the new normal?
The screwed up our daily Sudoku and people when nuts...
I did notice that....and laughed. I can only assume
somebody forgot to hit the download button on the fucking computer....I mean
HOW HARD IS THAT?!?!
It’s against the law in South Carolina to
tattoo anyone above the shoulders…no neck or face. So I’ve come up with another
idea to help me tell people I’m deaf in my left ear.
I drink to forget alcohol abuse.
Having taught children for 24 years, I can attest to the accuracy of this...
LIFE HACK: Drink more water so you don’t die.
A thirst for knowledge....
Priceless.
I flunked my sleep test.
Don’t you hate it when you’re fucked up drunk and walk
past a mirror?
Nothing says “I’m tough” like an NRA bumper sticker.
Three of my favorite things...
I once made a deal with a pizza delivery guy that I would
tip him extra for each bag of my trash he hauled out to the curb. I don’t know
if it was an all time high or low.
To school teachers, August is basically the Sunday of
Summer.
Pay attention...
When it’s cold, the party’s outdoors, and there are
females, be the guy with the blanket.
Photography...
I have had some of the best conversations of my life in just such a setting...
“I wish this was made from tofu,” said no one ever.
Stairs to bookstore...
Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without
beer.
And they knew EXACTLY what you would think...
Never pinch pennies on brakes or tires.
How delightful...
Has technology gone too far?
Bistro is a new cat feeder with some impressive technology
baked-in, including a camera with feline facial recognition and a scale that
lets users remotely monitor their cat’s appetite from afar via smartphone while
at work or on vacation. The feeder also notifies users when there’s a change in
the cat’s appetite and lets them watch the cats eat via live stream to their
phones.
See the world while you still don’t have a ton of
responsibilities.
A couple of good ideas...
Have you ever had a hangover so bad that you had to wear
sunglasses to open your fridge?
Women following photographer's instructions...
I have recently realized that I have forgotten how to
scoff.
Well, well, well...
No matter where you go…there you are.
Person saw this train car and posted this image...
Then people from all over the country documented it's progress...
To you bombers out there, writing you name in big fat letters will never get that kind of attention.
So think up something you really care about...make a statement...
The other day I told you about my rule to never handle
firearms or power tools when I’ve been drinking. Well, I need to add
another…never trim your beard when you have been drinking…a lesson I re-learned
last night…much to my embarrassment.
What's for lunch?
Fish again?
Come to find out, that is a whale shark and endangered and the fisherman got in trouble.
Come to find out, that is a whale shark and endangered and the fisherman got in trouble.
SIGNS - A restaurant owned and operated by very special people...
I think it's a good thing.
One Of My Very Own...
It's shocking to see that our grandmother's were just as stupid as we are today...
And then there's this badass motherfucker...
Some people don’t try bacon for religious reasons.
I don’t try religion for bacon reasons.
I don’t try religion for bacon reasons.
Friend of mine went to Nicaragua and brought me this...
He knows me very well.
If you can actually count the number of blowjobs you’ve
had, you need to up your game.
What a wonderful way to explain it...
When listening to rap music, I bet you certainly don’t sing the
words around your black friends.
Menopause could light the world.
I gave my wife a $15 gift card to Louis Vuitton.
She laughed.
She laughed.
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Subtle...
I feel such a deep kinship with this guy...
I mean that. I have been...adorning walls all my life, and I know that the urge to do so was not shared by all of his kinsmen. Some of us have urges that others do not.
Whoever said, "Love is all you need," was obviously a teetotaler.
My daughter will like this...
My first wife was a concert pianist...
I remember her practicing all of time. She explained that you never use the arms to raise the hands...you use the fingers to raise the hands.
And come to find out, throwing up before a concert is not all that unusual.
And come to find out, throwing up before a concert is not all that unusual.
Arts & Architecture, Richard Haas...
At least half of my murals were architectural illusions.
The ISS never ceases to amaze me...
How do you discover such a thing?
That's a serious question. Do you just wake up one morning and say, "To hell with girls, I'm going to make-out with my car"?
But then there's a second question....WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TELL ANYONE?!?! MUCH LESS LET THEM FILM YOU?
But then there's a second question....WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TELL ANYONE?!?! MUCH LESS LET THEM FILM YOU?
And I bet her mother is real proud...
The wink at the end is her acknowledgement that she knows exactly what you're thinking....which is exactly what I'm thinking.
God I love language...
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