MONDAY #2143

KIND OF NEWSY BITS...

After wild sex in the ocean, a man was unable to extricate himself from the woman due to suction. They remained in the water until they caught the attention of a woman walking along the beach, who gave them a towel after they struggled back to the shore. A doctor was called and they were taken to a hospital emergency room. There the woman was given an injection usually used to dilate the uterus of pregnant women, in order to untangle the couple.

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Some people are having trouble dealing with Barbie Madonna....

 Imagine that.

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Real Headlines:

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Another of my favorite tunes to accompany your scrolling...

Short read my wife sent me. You might want to read this:
http://www.stonekettle.com/2014/10/ebola-and-it-goes-like-this.html

If you've ever worked in a restaurant, you know that all that stuff you eat and eat with isn't near as clean as you think it is.

Okay, even I looked at the pictures. Get over it.

The English have a term..."Buggery"(?) that refers to a man sticking his penis in another man's anus. I'm not sure which is the more offensive to the people who enjoy such activity.

Found at a yard sale ($2.00)

Of course, if it were my yard sale, I would put shit like that in the front of ever book I had for sale. Cause I'm an asshole.

Remember the '90's when you could win an argument with a decent confident lie? Stupid internet.

Pleeeeeease. 

At what point does rough interracial sex become a hate crime?

Being an adult means you can dunk Oreos in a White Russian while watching Walking Dead and nobody can utter a word of protest.

If your friend's dog brings you a stick and you pick it up, you now have a lifetime subscription to fetch.

My saddest trick-or-treat memory was when my neighbors screamed stuff like "You're a grown man!" and "It's October 20th!" and "Put on you pants!"

Chances are one of those men is my friend Dick VanLoan.
Maybe my wife can recognize him....they are pretty tight.

If at first you don't succeed, find a foreigner to do it better for a lot less money.

How clever...

But this year, he's going to have the last laugh every time.

Me, donate blood? Yeah, right, and have my blood throbbing inside in some other guy's boner? Nice try.

Photography...

Can you imagine how differently life would have evolved if women's nipples tasted like beer?


I'm impressed...

I've enlarged a whole bunch of stuff, but this is off the chart.

Taco Bell doesn't have a playground. Think about how logical that is.

Problem solving at its best...

Speaking of...

A cement truck crashed near Winganon, Oklahoma in the 1950s and the mixer was too heavy to move. It's still there; locals have painted it to look like an abandoned NASA capsule.

Fuck you.

Does anyone else wonder how much Bruce Wayne pays Alfred?

I read that he really had this done so his reactions would be genuine...

And in the movie the rest of the cast is dying laughing.

Boarding a plane, I once called "Shotgun!" and not one person thought it was funny.

One Of My Very Own...

I got into a conversation about mustache size and because of my beard my mustache doesn't look as huge as it is. So I took this photo...

This took me longer to figure out than it should have...

Here's a hint...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love that guy!

If you drink half a 5 Hour Energy, will you get full energy for half the time, or half energy for 5 hours?

Nice.

Now we all know that Christopher Columbus was just the last man to "discover" America.


How....decorative...

You know, paradise may be possible... 

If there was a cooler of beer, a pack of cigarettes and a deck of cards, that one picture would have covered all of my vices.

I have no idea why anyone would draw this, but it's just too weird not to post...

Go back and look at her face again. That is a face of a woman who just had a huge blood sucker removed from her NOSE!

Now go back and check out the headline directly below the yellow circle. 
I can only assume there was a chainsaw involved.

True? Hell, I don't know. Probably.

She learned that from my wife.

I'm an old man and I still can't get over the fact that my first breath of air was in close proximity to my mother's vagina.

SpY unveils "I'm not a real artist" on the streets of Paris, France...

I thought France had a law that forbad English signs. 

Land Art, Gerry Barry…

Fin DAC paints "Koibito", a new piece in Ražanac, Croatia...

Can I assume that this is marble?

If you think about it just the right way, marble is a renewable resource.
By the way, that last image really looks like a little model doesn't it?

Shit you don't see everyday...

Selfie on the top of the "Christ the Redeemer" statue. Rio de Janeiro, Brazil...

I once asked a first grader the first thing he would do if he were president. He said, "Wake up."

You would think, that by now, some redneck would think of replacing his paintballs with marbles just to give himself the winning edge.

Former NSA boss Keith Alexander charges $1M/month for cybersecurity advice, but promises that he's not selling any of the state secrets from his career as a long-serving, all-seeing top spook.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I'm sorry, it's just hard to read that without laughing.

Got 10 minutes to learn something? Very entertaining/artsy discussion of the problems with choice.
I got it from Jambe if anyone is interested...
http://jambeeno.com/post/100367907251/renata-salecl-the-paradox-of-choice-animated-by