MONDAY #2220

NEWSY BITS...

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"Jameis, calm the FUCK down, or you are going to the bench..."

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New Year's Eve - The time for amateur drunks and a lot of puking and crying.

Want some laughs. Check out this site...
http://stopmasturbationnow.org/
Here's some of the gems I culled from said site...

"Christians Win the War on Christmas For the 2014th Consecutive Year

Happy Holidays Merry CHRISTmas!  For the 2014th consecutive year, Christians have DESTROYED atheist masturbators."

And, "Masturbation is a gateway drug to rape. It also leads to sexual dysfunction, erodes family values, and is a top ten cause of disease."

Fighting a war on drugs beats fighting a war sober.

What an interesting photo...

The kid with the gun in his mouth...squirt gun.
But then you have to realize that Sen. Kennedy had a stool guy whose job it was to...well, bring the stool.
But more sublimely, in a few short months, every one of those people will remember exactly where they were when they got the news of that man's death.

The average parking lot in The Netherlands.

I think that is a fine idea.

Nancy Grace is what would happen if the Caps Lock key came to life.

Nice exchange...

What’s the most white trailer trash girl name you can think of?

I judge how good of a job I do at foreplay with my wife on whether or not I got both socks off.

My wife should have her own chapter. Uppity Women is what we get for letting them sit in the front seats with us.

Guy on the right looks like he's taking a selfie...

But why is he smiling?
That's GOT to hurt.

So much wrong with this...

 I like that the guy turns his gun over and looks at it before hurling it at the Man of Steel.

Some lessons can only be learned the hard way...

Now think back on those GIs exposed to nuclear weapons to see if they could survive.

Am I the only one who had to do community service for setting fire to a rare cactus collection while on a school trip?

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAH!

Most of my young friends are inked up. I pity people who judge people for adorning their bodies.

There are dozens – maybe hundreds – of turtles who just got flipped on their backs and will never right themselves.

The Rolling Stones, 1963

Not sure about the numbers...

 But we know they are bad. As much as I want to protect them, ask yourself, if a Jaguar drug one of your children off, what would you do? Let it drag off another? Move even though the only way you have to make a living is farming the land you own?

Kind of looks like an asshole, don't it...

Have you ever been kicked out of your child’s dance recital for cheering too loudly?

Star fish mating season?

Why is it that the people who don’t know the difference between ‘You’re’ and ‘Your’ have the strongest opinions?

The kitchen...

 The theater...

 One of the bedrooms...

 One of the bathrooms...

 This house in New York City has 7 beds, 10.5 baths and 20,000 square feet. It costs a whopping $572,566/month to rent.

Not much from the outside, though.
Now let's go back to the rent. $572,566....566. Not 500, not 600, but 566.
I used the same trick in pricing murals. The truth is I just pulled a number out of my ass, but if I made it $5,362 the funding source thought I had figured it out to the penny. Funny, that.

Another high-maintenance woman...

 Of course, she does have one skill that he likes very much...

From now on, every young woman I meet I'm going to wonder if they can do this. 

I’m so lazy I just glued my license plate on my truck. In all honesty, I found the glue while looking for the screwdriver, so...

A Lame One Of My Very Own...

 I can do better...

My favorite all-time cartoon...

 As a matter of fact, if you find yourself in a fair fight, then you tactics suck.

What to fuck with somebody’s head. Wait til they tell you the song playing is their favorite song and say, “I ejaculate to that song all the time.” The song will quickly lose its allure.

Can we assume this is a political statement?

I have several people I love who are in unhappy marriages. I think of their misery every fucking day...

I just wish they would do something...ANYTHING. Life is too short for that bullshit.

I wonder what gets changed less frequently, the filter in a Brita or the diaper of a methhead’s baby.

Looks like I have another item to add to my bucket list...

Aggressively maintaining eye contact with attractive women is a good way of showing what a nice guy you are.

I would be the guy in the hat seated on the left.

If I was a rich as Warren Buffet I would shit on the floor and make a senator to clean it up.

I don’t always spank my wife, but when I do it’s to wake her ass up during sex.

This was me last Christmas Eve waiting on my meal at that nice restaurant...

I lived in Germany for four years...

 And I asked one of my German friends to translate several cartoons in a magazine. None of them were funny in the least, but she found them hilarious. Curious, that.

Do want.

I've posted several of these before, but this one is exceptional...

This is impressive, but...

I'm thinking it's fake due to steadiness of filming camera. Anybody?

Guy makes his own flamethrower...

Leaf blower, butane torch strapped to end and the combustible is....dry corn starch fed into the air flow from canister on top.

I don't agree with all of that, but I also don't buy the notion that we are the greatest nation ever created. There is just too much evidence otherwise.