About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

THURSDAY #2569

One Of My Very Own…





This guy won't last a month in big boy prison.
But damn, don't we all wish we had a mom like her?



PARTY LIKE A RUSSIAN ON HOLIDAY TONIGHT, GENTLE READER. YOU DESERVE IT.

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Okay, Russia, you have spoken. You are now just about even with the numbers of my American viewers...which is extraordinary.
With that said, I decided to look up some facts about Mother Russia. If any of them are wrong, I'm sure you will correct me.




 After all my research, I have deduced that Russia does two things exceedingly well.
#1 - You guys have nailed architecture and have for centuries.
Giant iron tree built into the side of the Russian Ministry of Agriculture

#2 - You guys make the best videos on the internet...period!

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 Here's the link to the article...worth the read.
 I told the alert viewer who sent me that that I would tell her my very own missing limb story, and here it is.
I once got a splinter in my foot and my wife really, really want to dig it out. I protested that it would work its way out on its own. That's when she told me that a splinter just like that killed a good friend of hers.
Here's the conversation:
Me: So even after it got infected the guy didn't go to the doctor?
   Her: Oh, it was too late by then and they had to cut his foot off.
So, he died of complications from the surgery?
   Oh, no. He made a full recovery.
Then, how did the splinter kill him?
   Well, he had asked the doctor to put his foot in a gallon jar of formaldehyde and he had it sitting on his mantle.
So, the jar caused a fire or something?
   Oh, no, nothing like that.
So, how did he die?
   Well, he was in a bar drinking and he told a guy he had his foot in a jar on his mantle and the guy didn't believe him. So he got on his motorcycle and drove home, got the jar and on the way back to the bar he swerved in front of a truck and had a head-on collision.

And that is how a splinter killed a man.

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14th century art

That has got to hurt.

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"Kinda thick horizontal curvy line, two thinner curvy vertical lines, squiggly line, different thicker squiggly line."
 - Japanese spelling bee


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A mural I really like.
I did that for a living for 40 years and I have no idea how that was painted. My conclusion: It is more or less a huge photograph glued on the wall.
Somebody please prove me wrong.

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This is Suzanne Valadon.


Artist’s model, posing for such artists as Pierre Puvis Edgar Degas, de Chavannes, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, and Pierre-Auguste Renoir.

Gentle Reader, that is one exceptionally attractive woman. 

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See anything odd about this?
Of course you don't, but that painting is small. How small? A Swiss company just set a new record for the world’s tiniest color image printed with an inkjet printer. At 0.0092 mm2, the image of three clown fishes swimming around sea anemones is about as small as a cross section of a human hair.


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I've watched several documentaries about the massive ocean of lava just under the surface at Yellowstone.

And when it blows we could all be part of the next extinction. And it's not a matter of if, but when. Have a nice day.

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Homelessness in America dwindled away after WWII, when the GI Bill and generous social programs seemed to finally get on top of a problem that had been with the country since its inception; but starting with Reagan's mass de-institutionalizations and cuts to social services, homelessness has only grown, a phenomenon America answered by criminalizing being alive, and pretending not to notice homeless people in encampments at the edge of more and more US cities.


Despite the benefits tent cities provide occupants, municipalities across the United States are clamping down on homeless encampments.

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God I love elephants.

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 This may not be what it looks like, but it looks like an ancient trail traversed by native Americans since before Columbus.
 It has many of the hallmarks of such things.

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If I’ve learned anything about women, it is this: Always compliment her on her shoes no matter what she is wearing.


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Why is everything so much funnier when you’re lying on the floor?


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 Inventor Colin Furze Builds and Rides a Motorized Drift Trike Capable of Speeds Around 50 MPH

 I bet it is as difficult to turn over as my daughters' Big Wheels...and those things were fun.

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 Wife and I stopped that on one of our trips. Here's the story.
Albert Christensen dug a small cave as a sort of children's' playhouse, then continued drilling and expanding the cave for 12 years until it was large enough for both him and in 1952 his wife to move in.


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From a study...

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Here's what I think about this...
I'll be good goddamn if I want the last thoughts going through my mind was how awful gun oil tastes or how it looks kind of sexual or that this will be the last photo of me. 
I vote poison...but the right kind of poison. I don't want to bleed out internally, or have violent convulsions or anything like that.
I just want to slowly fade to black. That fills the bill nicely.

Okay, I understand how a person could write such a story. Some of my stories are...well...graphically imaginative.
 But how did he sell it. Seriously, who read that script and decided to invest money in it?

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Okay, this is cool as shit, so pay attention.
Excavation of two quarries in Wales confirmed they are sources of Stonehenge’s ‘bluestones’– and shed light on how they were quarried and transported.

 The special formation of the rock, which forms natural pillars at these outcrops, allowed the prehistoric quarry-workers to detach each megalith  with a minimum of effort. They only had to insert wooden wedges into the cracks between the pillars and then let the Welsh rain do the rest by swelling the wood to ease each pillar off the rock face. The quarry-workers then lowered the thin pillars onto platforms of earth and stone, a sort of ‘loading bay’ from where the huge stones could be dragged away along trackways leading out of each quarry.


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Have you ever been so high that at McDonalds you tried to substitute your drink for another cheeseburger?


WORD ON THE STREET...

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Friend asked my wife and I: So How did you two meet?

Wife: Unfortunately.


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Did you notice the two groups of birds? 

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I've mentioned before that if I ever have concrete poured I'm going to do this to it...
 Speaking of...
Kudzu grows as much as one foot a day. That averages out to a half inch an hour. You could almost sit and see it grow.

In Alabama it will overtake a running small children. Scary stuff.

If you want to know just how incredibly stupid our government actually is, you need to research the ban on hemp. Not the drug kind, the other one of the most useful plants on the planet kind.

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My wife was at a bar last night and a cute guy offered to buy her a cat. 


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We are all familiar with is this...
 Well, some guy painted it on a wall and somebody ran into it...
So they were forced to paint over it.
This is a mural in my city. For years rumors were aplenty that dozens of cars have crashed into it.
 None of those rumors had any truth behind them, but that didn't matter.
Humans seem to have a real need to lie to one another.
The internet just means you can lie and nobody knows it's you.

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When couples tell me they're taking their relationship to the next level, I just assume celery sticks and sprinkles are involved.

But that might just be me.

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You ever been beat up by a mop wringer?
He picked the wrong store to rob. And did you notice he stopped half way through his ass whopping to put on his shoe? 

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The hide of the original cow from which the small pox vaccine was derived.


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Her: I gave you all my love and infection.

HIM: Um. Don't you mean love and 'affection'?
Her: ...
HIM: ...
Her: You should get tested.


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By the way, any of you Russian viewers paint public art?

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