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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, August 8, 2016

MONDAY #2786

One Of My Very Own…



Olympic Committee bans GIFs

Can you imagine the folly of telling the internet not to do something?

You have all probably seen this French guy's unfortunate incident...

But what you may not know is that he's done it before.

The other Rio...

Think wall.

I did notice this crap...

Can we assume that the closed caption is voice activated...

The torch relay ought to be a sport in and of itself.

Try my Olympics Ceremony drinking game. Drink whenever a country comes on that the US has bombed.


See if you can make sense of this. It's a transcript of a Trump talk...
"Look, having nuclear—my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at MIT; good genes, very good genes, OK, very smart, the Wharton School of Finance, very good, very smart—you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, OK, if I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I'm one of the smartest people anywhere in the world—it’s true!—but when you're a conservative Republican they try—oh, do they do a number—that’s why I always start off: Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune—you know I have to give my like credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged—but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me—it would have been so easy, and it’s not as important as these lives are (nuclear is powerful; my uncle explained that to me many, many years ago, the power and that was 35 years ago; he would explain the power of what's going to happen and he was right—who would have thought?), but when you look at what's going on with the four prisoners—now it used to be three, now it’s four—but when it was three and even now, I would have said it's all in the messenger; fellas, and it is fellas because, you know, they don't, they haven’t figured that the women are smarter right now than the men, so, you know, it’s gonna take them about another 150 years—but the Persians are great negotiators, the Iranians are great negotiators, so, and they, they just killed, they just killed us."

...and we made fun of the second George Bush.

What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? I asked my 26 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.



My man...

A new server at my bar, Madelyn, is a power lifter.

That ain't her.

More than likely you don't even know this man's name.

Amerigo Vespucci March 9, 1454 – February 22, 1512
The man who successfully surmised that the Americas were new continents and even mapped them out to some extent. This was huge in the domino effect of European powers claiming new lands, trade, everything that led to the heavy colonization of the America's. Also if you didn't notice, the continents were named after the Latin version of his name.
The first time a girl takes off her clothes in front of you and asks if I want to have some fun.


This boy has cerebral palsy and was told he'd never walk. When his Marine dad returned from overseas, the boy walked.

First time using a pressure washer bug landed on his leg.

Meanwhile in Rio...

Come to find out, there is a good reason to have all those cops there.

There's always that one guy.

Guy wakes up, thinks his phone is his drink...

I have had a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other and turned up the cigarette instead of the beer.

Five soldiers volunteer to stand directly under an exploding nuclear bomb.

On July 19, 1957, a 2 kiloton bomb was exploded at a height of 18,500 feet, apparently a safe distance. All of them reached old age.

I worked on missiles like that in Germany. The strategy was one plane rushes out toward a while bunch of Soviet planes and launches one nuke that knocks them all out of the air.
I am assuming our allies had some worries about what would happen to their citizens below. That test was probably conducted to allay their fears.
But if the shit really hit the fan one of my jobs was to destroy any unused nukes so the Soviets couldn't use the warhead. We did that with a shape charge placed directly over the warhead of each missile. The problem was how to keep the first explosion from displacing the shape charges on other missiles.
The solution was det (for detonation) cord; basically a flexible tube filled with high explosives. It is so fast that all the shape charges more or less explode at once.
Here is det cord outrunning a bullet.

You can see the bullet moving from right to left at the top of the rail.

I know exactly what you people want, but here's a scene from Tucker & Dale.

Moving on...
The difference between a 92 and 100 mph fastball is that the 100 mph pitch reaches the plate four feet before the 92.


The most tragic victims of irony are that trees were cut down to make copies of The Lorax.



I have always been a doer, but lately I'm more of a don'ter.



Hottest topics on the web, indeed.

I would really like to meet a man named Eugene Hicks.


My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of obesity, of thee I kind of hum cause singing makes me la tired.



My wife once sent me a pic of her vagina and I told her I like Arby's also.



Well, Mr. and Mrs Christian, what have you done lately to curtail the Westboro Baptist Church; or the KKK; or the rape of little boys by priests; or the predominately Christian militant survivalist?

I once had a small gun like this...

The problem is that when you are in a hurry (or in an out and out panic) it is very easy to stick your trigger finger too far across the trigger so that when you try to pull the trigger the tip of you finger is in contact with you thumb and you can't. I practiced and practiced but never trusted myself to do it right in an emergency, so I sold it.

Something else you may want to know.

Busy as a bee...

You never see people in straitjackets gallivanting.

This makes me sad.

Why don't hackers break into the banks and erase student loans?

This is "Sweet Dreams" by Antonio Frilli. About 1892.

You can buy a small wood fueled smelter on line that melts beer cans so you can do this.

I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog and 
Schrödinger's cat. She said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.
Pavlov is sitting in the bar having a drink. The phone rings and he looks up and says "I forgot to feed the dogs".


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