About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, September 30, 2016

FRIDAY #2838

One Of My Very Own…




Why clocks move clockwise.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiOZ2rQWfc4&feature=youtu.be

quand on na que l'amour by jacques brel

So, having nothing
But the strength to love,
We will have in our hands,
My friend, the whole world

I'm getting really tired of otherwise normal, intelligent people forwarding me this crap.


Then there's stuff like this...


Did that man actually utter those words? How the hell am I supposed to know? But I like the words...and does it really matter who says them?

The same goes for this...





Why can't we have something like that?

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Elon Musk and his mariachi band.


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Congress on Wednesday overwhelmingly rejected President Barack Obama's veto of legislation allowing relatives of the victims of the Sept. 11 attacks to sue Saudi Arabia, the first veto override of his presidency, just four months before it ends.
The downside is that now the US is open to lawsuits from people harmed by drones, etc...or so I've been told. Any international law scholars out there want to advise me?



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What did people do before ladders?

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ANIMALS



Apparently the worse thing to do when a gorilla charges you.... is run.


Apparently playing dead works also...


Australians are petitioning to put Steve Irwin on the $100 bill.


Speaking of Australia, what I imagine living in Australia is like...

Except without the guns...they won't let you have guns down under.

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LOVE



People insist that humans are special. But in reality it's just that our brain a little more developed. Other wise we share some much with other animals - reproduction, eating, breathing, repair of tissue, susceptibility to disease, male and female, caring for our young, working together, building habitats, saving food for lean times, communication, genes all only slightly different,

This really works...


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I don't know a lot about cars, but I can't see how those could fit...


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Any shape will work if you just squeeze more of them into areas you want to appear darker.





And here's the young lady that created them...

Didn't catch this gal's name. Pity that.

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SEXUALITY


Someone said that if you have a penis and think of yourself as female, you are just a man who thinks of himself as a female. Think you are something you are not does not make it so.

Some people think this is rape prevention...





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Guy did many of these little animations of movie scenes. This is my favorite.


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PEOPLE WHO DESERVE RECOGNITION
1000 Pound lift - World Record!










Guy road-tripped to all 50 states to find the best mini golf course in America.

South Carolina - Mt. Atlanticus



Then there's this prick. I will let it speak for itself.


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The new toilets are remarkable. This is popcorn.


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Artist is a Danish guy called huskmitnavn.





And my favorite...


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Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels...except donuts. Donuts tastes like skinny can go fuck itself.

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Which brings me to this request from an avid viewer: "The "goan" story brings back to mind the funniest knock knock joke I've ever heard, which you told me. Its the "argo" joke. Worthy of a post I think.
"
Well, here goes:
A man in NY City was fed up with the news on both networks and cable, so he sold everything he owned and produced his own news show. With his camera on a tripod on a busy corner, he began.
"Hello my fellow Americans, welcome to "Meet America", a show produced for the purpose of letting Americans finely know what other Americans are thinking. And now, time for my first interview.
He stops the first man to come by; a drunk guy who could hardly walk. "Good morning, sir, what would you like to tell America today?"
"I got nothin' to say," mumbled the drunk.
"Surely, sir, you have something you want to share with all of America."
"Well, I got a joke."
"I think a joke is okay, but it must be a clean joke."
"Oh, sure."
"Okay, tell us the joke."
"Knock, knock," said the drunk.
"Who's there?"
"Argo."
"Argo who?"
"ARGO FUCK YOURSELF," shouted the drunk.
Well, the FCC charged the emcee, the producer, the director, the cameraman and the sound man of the show and because he was all of those people rolled into one, he was sentenced to five years in jail. During that time he did not give up on his quest, but knew that jokes were his real weakness, so he studied every joke ever written. He even learned foreign languages to understand foreign jokes. Then finally he was released. After raising more money he positioned himself on the exact same street corner with his camera and microphone. After explaining the purpose of his show he said, "And now for my first interview."
And along walked the same drunk as five years prior.
"Excuse me, sir, do you remember me," asked the interviewer.
"Never seen you before," slurred the drunk.
"Well, I would like you to tell America anything that comes into you head."
"Well, I have a joke."
The interviewer smiled and said, "Well, you see this button on the side of the microphone? It will silence anything you say that wouldn't pass the censors, so your joke must be clean."
"Of course," said the drunk.
"You may proceed."
"Knock, knock."
The interviewer smiled, knowing that Knock, knock jokes were his specialty. "Who's there?"
"Mary."
The interviewer knew twelve Knock, knock, Mary jokes and all of them were clean, so he said, "Mary, who?"
And the old drunk shouted, "ARGO FUCK YOURSELF!"

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Everything you need to know about Russia...


They share a love of guns with the USA.


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Painted to look like the background is transparent.


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What's ET short for?
Because he's got little legs.

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I really like movies like that. The neverending story was wonderful also.


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And very soon they will have a nuke capable of reaching the US. Sleep tight.

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FBI Director James Comey Says Cover Your Webcams

“It’s not crazy that the FBI director cares about personal security as well, and so I think people ought to take responsibility for their own safety and security. There are some sensible things you ought to be doing, and that’s one of them.”

“You go into any government office and we all have the little camera things that sit on top of the screen. They all have a little lid that closes down on them. You do that so that people who don’t have authority don’t look at you. I think that’s a good thing,” Comey explained.

A photo of Facebook tycoon Mark Zuckerberg earlier this year showed his office laptop with a piece of tape covering the webcam.

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If combat in Hogwarts is based on saying spells quickly at the right time, then would rappers be the magical Navy Seals?

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Shut the fuck up! You are not going to ruin my children with that crap!


I can't wait to hear the response from the religious community when we find life elsewhere.

Of course, just like the discovery of the sun being the center of the solar system, the church will somehow use it to their own advantage.

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