About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

TUESDAY #3005

One Of My Very Own...


Show Me The Way To Go Home



This is the question the world is asking our president...


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Remember when I told that poor people don't act poor anymore? You have people who can't afford to replace bald tires, yet they sport expensive tattoos and piercings. 

Anyway, one of my lesser bartenders was limping badly from an accident. I asked if she went to the doctor and she said she couldn't afford it. I then asked how she did it and she said she was on a Roller Derby team. I asked her what her take away was on that and she said, don't do that maneuver anymore. 
I mean, who in their right mind would do anything dangerous if they had no insurance? 


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My wife suffers from ADCD: Attention Deficit Cleaning Disorder.


ON WOMEN


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Do you suppose she suffers from stare rape?
Those damn men objectifying women as sex objects.

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Suffering from a broken nose and bruised ribs Natasha Dzhuley, 16, relaxes after inhaling glue for the first time – something she swore she would never do, 2002. She was beaten by her pimps men in what Ruslana believes was a warning to other prostitutes to stay in line. Though another child believes her pimp had her beaten because she was pregnant. Less than a week after this picture of Natasha was taken she was dragged away by six men. She has not been heard or seen since.

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Dating would be a lot easier if people had tails that wagged when pleased.


ON MEN

Red Army soldiers sit on the ruins of the German Reich Chancellery in Berlin looking through boxes of German medals that would never be awarded following the Battle of Berlin. 

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Tail gunner of a British Lancaster bomber during WWII.

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Minister of the cabinet and Hitlers personal architect Albert Speer rests on a doorstep after refusing to carry out decree from Hitler to destroy all German infrastructure to prevent the allies from using it during the invasion of Germany. 
He served 20 years in prison and was known as “the Nazi who said sorry.”

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I just encountered a spider bigger than my desire to be the man of the house.


ANIMALS

Yes, when I was growing up you could order shit like this over the mail.

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Afghan dogs fight during the weekly dog fight in Kabul, Afghanistan, 17 February 2017. Under the Taliban dog fighting was forbidden, but since their fall it has become a major source of entertainment for hundreds of Afghans, where bets can amount to thousands of dollars and the dogs, which must be over one year old, are well-cared for by their owners and fed milk, butter and meat.

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I'll be damned.

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When I was a teenager I tried so hard to quietly open a can of beer, but my driving instructor heard it anyway.


LANGUAGE AND MY LOVE OF IT

This car is Satanist (666) Sexist (69) and Nazi (SS)

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Don't you hate it when you go on your third beer run of the night and it's fucking daylight.


FAT PEOPLE FUNNIES

As a rule I steer clear of mocking fat people, but these were just too funny not to post.


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I'm not shaming, darling, I'm mocking you...just like I do everybody else.

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That's polygamy if you go by weight.

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Have you ever covered a plush toy with jam then licked it off as if you were a mother animal after giving birth?


THINGS I LEARNED, LIKE, AN HOUR AGO

Palm oil is the most widely consumed vegetable oil on the planet. According to the World Wildlife Fund, an estimated 50 percent of packaged products sold in supermarkets contain some of the ubiquitous oil. It is mainly grown in Southeast Asia and is used in products as diverse as ice cream, toothpaste, and detergent. The demand for more and more land to plant palm oil trees has seen the rapid and rampant destruction and conversion of tropical rainforest habitats into plantations. This is threatening important ecosystems, displacing and killing threatened and endangered species, among them orangutans, tigers, elephants and rhinos. Classified as critically endangered, on the edge of extinction, orangutan numbers have fallen so dramatically that wildlife organizations and conservationists say unless the destruction ends, we will see the end of the species.

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I like sci-fi and watch a lot of it. And in almost all of them people in great peril still get bogged down with petty jealousies.

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This line from the movie: I Do Not Feel At Home in This World Anymore.
"First?"
It is a very strange movie, but I strongly recommend it if you like dark humor.

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I've been saying that for years.

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Indie news outlet Techdirt is being sued for $15M by Shiva Ayyadurai, who claims to have invented email in 1978, eight years after Ray Tomlinson sent an email over ARPANET; Ayyadurai is represented by Charles Harder, a key figure in the Gawker-killing legal campaign that Peter Thiel financed, and who is also representing Melania Trump in her $150m lawsuit against The Daily Mail. 

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Have you ever walked in on your roommate while you were masturbating?

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2 comments:

Anonymous said...

the wrestler was born female.... this meme was used earlier in the blog to denote that a transwoman mma? born male wrestler was a man. please be consistent in your mockery. it is starting to not make sense anymore.

Ralph Henry said...

I sincerely apologize. I was remiss.

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