FOLIO OLIO: THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY

THE GOOD

How to keep your flashlight working in an emergency, Method 1.....

Method 2...

I've been thinking lately about the Six Million Dollar man. Even in those dollars, shit like that would cost, like, SIXTY million dollars. But maybe the 6 million was his deductible.

200 round AK47.....

TRUE: One morning my wife asked me if I had seen the Netflix movie that a friend had loaned us. I had not. Soon we deduced that she had put it in the recycling bin along with the newspaper, so she went out and began to rummage in the trash out on the street. I waited until she came back in to tell her that in her pajamas she looked like a bag lady collecting aluminum cans.

These are very clever refrigerator magnets...

The risk I took was calculated....but am I bad at math.

A blow job is better than no job.
(that's what he said)

Sometimes I just want to spend the evening wiping the blood of assholes off my boots.

I assume this uses lasers. Green means space is free...

I don't always visit porn sites, but when I do, there is an unusual amount of women looking for sex in my city.

Tequila makes me a dirty slut.

GODDAMN!!!

This morning I put Red Bull in my coffee maker instead of water and now I can see noises.

What do you do with old or wrecked school buses?

Make bus stops for your little snowflake...

Having a third child is switching from 1 on 1 to zone defense.

Does anyone actually own a hammer any more?

I use a cordless screwdriver for everything.

At a wedding party recently the photographer announced that all the married men should stand next to the one person who has made their life worth living.
The bartender was crushed to death.

These are great. I had one once, only it had a rubberized "roof". Camping I was the only one dry as my buddies were slogging around in the mud.

Crossword puzzle clue: Stock quote.
Answer: Moo.

Maybe the item above is why I still like hanging things...

Thesis: Old people accumulate knowledge and wisdom over the years and it spills out from our brains to the rest of our bodies. So I'm really not overweight, I'm well educated.
Antithesis: Going to WalMart.

A reminder to brush on a popcycle stick...

Remember this?

Tearing down the wall...one of the greatest moments of the century...

THE BAD

When you're too stupid to use a fucking ruler...

What disk?

?????

Why does it take me so long to deal with this problem?

How about "No"?

I'm thinking this is actually an old helmet shape, but.....

I once ate a foot long corndog on a nude beach. Never gonna make that mistake again.

So you think you are anal?

If you don't know why that last one is funny, it's okay, it really is.

The hours of work for a muralist is more like 5 to 9, instead of 9 to 5.

THE UGLY

As an artist, I will tell you that I find young people very difficult to paint, but this is ridiculous....

TRUE: I once painted a woman's child as if in the second floor window in a mural. She looked much older than she actually was. Ten years later she called me to say that the image looked exactly like her at that time.

At least my bed is not my car.

I would rather starve to fucking death...