I'M BAAAAAAAACK!!!!

This a a photo of me when I was younger. I hope you can detect just a twinge of mischief in the eyes...I never outgrew it....

Well, I think I have lost my way in my blog. I used to mix mild humor with social commentary and now my latest efforts are guaranteed to not offend anyone. Well, motherfuckers, those days are over. The curmudgeon is fucking back!!!!!


I talked to my wife about my changes and in one of her brief moments of lucidity she agreed.

Tonight while I was cooking dinner (yeah, go figure) she asked if I would like her to do anything, and I told her she could smell my scrotum. She didn't reply so I said, "You asked, I told you and yet you sit there as if deaf. You seem to have forgotten the life of extremely loose morals I rescued you from."
Then she did her angry black woman neck rotation thing with such vigor that she pulled something and is now sitting in MY Lazy Boy watching Dancing With The Stars with an ice pack, while I DELIVER the meal I cooked to her TV tray.
Shit, man, life just ain't fair.....all for one little scrotum sniff....


This post is dedicated to all you people who spent two days last weekend watching and/or listening to a reenactment of 9/11. Listen, people, listening to Amazing Grace played on every musical instrument known to man won't make it all better. Getting off your ass and killing arabs will make it all better.
And you survivors...we don't care how great your dad, uncle, husband was....we all have great dads, uncles and husbands and they are all going to die also and won't nobody give a shit because a building didn't fall on them.
Man up, bitches, it's been ten fucking years....MOVE THE FUCK ON!!!


So....let's make fun of the whole fucking nightmare....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!

You think that was funny? You ought to start paying fucking attention asshole!

How do I deal with all the stupidity? Well, I get stoned out of my fucking mind. Proof? You want proof? Well the other day we were pulling up in the driveway and I said, "Oh, look, my wife's not home."......and MY WIFE WAS DRIVING THE FUCKING CAR!!!!

I don't even know this motherfucker but I still hate him....

Wouldn't you agree that black people are sooo.........cute?

ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!?!

I am of the opinion that black people come up with stupid shit to do and say just to piss us white people off. There's like a secret cabal of black people who meet in some basement some fucking place and decide things like...."Hey, let's turn the bill on our caps around backwards." And then they all tee-hee and put out the word to their countless, clueless minions. 

At another meeting in that basement there was this gem:
"Let's just declare by default that we can use some words that white people can't." More tee-hees, and now I'm a fucking racists......go fucking figure.

Oh, I'm sorry, I am not allowed to use a word like that. Well, let's cut to the chase....nigger, nigger, nigger, nigger. So sue me. I am not a racist. I used to be....but not now.
Now this from my friends on the internet.....

Speaking of fried chicken....
Dear Vegetarians, FUCK YOU!

Finally.....FINALLY....I now have official permission to slap the fucking shit out of a motherfucking panda....finally!!!! Those "cute" bastards have been asking for it for a long, long time.....

And who the fuck came up with the idea that we should all be like all embarrassed for doing something that every fucking person on earth has done for-fucking-ever?

This is a pretty fucking good idea...

...but if you really want to light up the grid, you hook that device up to the right hand of every man, woman, girl and boy in the world and find the fuck out what happens.
(left handed model available upon request)

Dear Virgins, Fuck you, you selfish bitches.

Dear Sayid, So the way I got it figured is that there are six men out there with no wife because you are a greedy, rich motherfucker.... you prick!

Oh, and by the way, Sayid, if you really want to erase Israel off the map, I got news for you. Those motherfuckers are done with that Nazi shit and will take every one of you pricks with them if they have to go.

Yeah, tell me to my face that if I happen to use a word from the dictionary that you have deemed taboo, then I am a lesser human being....THEN FUCK YOU!
We're talking language here, people, not chemistry. 

"Oh, you can't laugh a death."
Fuck you. I think death is fucking hilarious!

I'm tired of giving my money away to lazy motherfuckers.

I'm also tired of having my money stolen by people so fucking powerful that they can steal from me, I know they are stealing from me, and they know that I know they are stealing from me and there ain't a fucking thing I can do about it.

Fuck trees!

This ranks right up there with horoscopes and tea leaves.

"This is so awful, nobody could find anything funny about it."

Except me.....

I say we teach the motherfuckers how to shoot to at least make it a fair fight....

Can't laugh a cancer?

HA!!!!

If this Dike Munchkin voiced motherfucker can joke about his fucking wheelchair, then I have the right to rape the world at fucking will....

If you learn nothing else from me, this is the most important. There will always be people telling you what you can and can not do. When you ask why (just like when you were a child) it is explained that it's always been done that way, or that's the way proper people do it, or the way god-fearing people do it so they don't burn in hell, etc, etc.
Don't fall for it. You have just as much a right to make those decisions as ANYONE.....ANY-FUCKING-ONE!!!

How stupid is the above? Well, this next thing was contemporary art once....

Jerks love to tell you how you are supposed to react to things, but when they tell you how to react to art, they have missed the whole fucking point...

Oh, look, one of those jerks....

He came up with this bullshit, too...

Instructions. These pricks are telling me to fight against conformity while dressed exactly alike. Fuck you.

I don't want to bore you with how I feel about Baptists, but this is cool as shit. Have a go at these fuckers....

Look, if somebody wants to take so many drugs that they OD, or they want to gamble their money away, etc....what the fuck business is it of mine? We are all going to die...some sooner than others. Deal with it.

Dear Smug Pricks, Do you think the Mayans or Incas grew out of the fucking ground like maize? Those blood thirsty bastards killed and/or enslaved the people who lived on the land they wanted, then lulled around and forgot to invent steel. Fuck those backwards bastards.

I like throwing curves to my viewers.....here's one.

NEWSY SHIT:

TOONS:

One of my very own....

WOMEN WHO REALLY, REALLY LIKE ONE ANOTHER AND LOOK LIKE SLUTS, BUT PROBABLY AREN'T.....

Gentlemen, this is the US Water Polo Team.....that is all.

(To be honest, ya'll, this post has been a catharsis for me. Thanks for allowing me to vent.)