A LITTLE OF THIS, A LITTLE OF THAT

ON POLITICS:
"It's like Obama is playing at the company picnic, and really, you just don't make your bosses look bad when they underwrite your existence."

Here's thinking of you, US Soldier...

This afternoon I was talking to a man about combat and he put it this way:
"It is amazing how much of the human body you can fit in a helmet."
(that has got to be one of most awesome things I have ever heard)

This evening my wife and I's conversation turn in a direction that I had to admit:
"There is only one thing that you do that irritates..."
And she blurted out...."Interupting?"
You can't make shit like that up.

ANIMALS THAT DON'T SUCK

Once, a circus pushed a baby elephant into the river as a PR stunt...no one knows the elephant's reaction...

Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash...now we have no jobs, no hope and no cash.
(Dear God, Please watch over the Bush family)

Why is 'patience' a virtue? Why can't 'hurry the fuck up' be a virtue'?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHBRRAHAHAHAH!!!


According to a recent poll, a broad majority of likely bigots voters strongly agree with this statement: If it winds up being between a black guy and a Mormon I don't know what I'll do because I don't know which to hate more.




"We need a clean-up in aisle six....and seven...and....."

My belt hold up my pants.
My pants have belt loops that hold up the belt.
What the fuck's really going on down there.
Who's really in charge?

I never like to eat on an empty stomach.

If you see me running, call the police.

When you find my body, don't believe the suicide note.

The other night I cooked dinner for my wife while she was at work and when she came home she said she liked it very much. I deadpanned...."I think the smoke alarm may need a new battery."

Why is it that when I'm standing in line at the grocery store, I have to hear the woman behind me tell six of her friends that she's standing in line at the grocery store?

The weather is such that we can keep our windows open at night, now I don't know if the noises coming from my neighbor's house is loud sex or an exorcism.

Beautiful photos of interesting places...

Why do they always put those little round mini tables in all of my delivery pizzas? Do they think we all have doll houses?

2B or not 2B....that is the pencil.

Well...that didn't take long....

Computers were designed to make people more productive...then someone invented the internet.

???????

IRONY: Drawing a picture of a tree on paper.




(this is worth the read)

CROSSWORD CLUE:
Mirror image.
_ _ _ _

Three things I don't want to be locked in a cage with...

ANSWER:  SELF
(you were thinking TWIN weren't you?)
(so did I)

Some just plain good ideas...

Arab man: "Oh, my, I've invented the zero."
His wife: "What, dear?"
Arab man: "Nothing......nothing."

I feel more beautiful without makeup.

This is a survival pod that you can keep in your house in case of a tsunami. It is VERY durable and even has oxygen.

This writes letters in water....I want one...

You do understand that if I was a zombie, I would HAVE to eat your brains.

I remember the day that I found the button that turned of the light inside our refrigerator....you can't buy that kind of excitement.

Art I can tolerate...

TOONS TO AMUSE...

One of my very own...

WOMEN AND ANIMALS WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,

BUT PROBABLY AREN'T...