FOLIO OLIO: PEOPLE NOT LIKE YOU AND ME

So, ah, where's Moe and Larry?

Wouldn't you think that if you only had enough money to get a shave in a fucking gutter that you would just grow a fucking beard and save that money?

Question: If we eat flesh, why don't we drink blood?

Did you know that humans don't sneeze while they are asleep? What's up with that? How does your nose know you are asleep?

Have you ever been so drunk that you passed out on a curb resting your head on a slice of pizza? Yeah, me neither...

Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles,
DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!!!
Sincerely,
Humanity

"Oh, look, I can make "lunacy"....

SLUT: A woman with the morals of a man.

Oh, the fucking irony...

If you ever start taking yourself too seriously, just remember that we are just a bunch of talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe at speeds we can't comprehend, and not one of us has any idea why.
Let me repeat that; Not one fucking person knows why we are here.....like fungi worry about that shit.
Smile, people, because you live; don't frown because your spores happen to be smaller than your neighbors.

England's anti-smoking campaign....hell, yeah!!!

JAGERMEISTER: Well, you know how in a fairytale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and the guy starts kissing her? Well, Jagermeister is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle. You wake up naked in a frat house with a bad reputation.

Speaking of almost naked people....jeeeeeeez....

Just hang in there, Sparky, you'll find true love one of these days....maybe....

Fishing is like yoga....except you still get to kill something.

I'm afraid to lose weight because I am afraid my friends won't find me funny anymore....but maybe that's just me.

There is a joke about marijuana in here someplace....

When they start looting the FEMA relief trucks, I want this guy on my side....OH, YEAH.....

Something you don't see every day....

"Occupy Skid Row" done right....it's sort of like a political statement and party at the same time....with beer...it don't get any better than that....

"Just walking his monkey."

"But that's a horse."

"I'm a talking horse, you fool."
(sorry, folks, they can't all be gems...but if you know me you know....well, you ought to know I remember Howard Cosell and what happened to him)

My mother had one of these ugly fucks. Believe it or not, one of the faces had an alligator clip embedded...yes, EMBEDDED, in it's mouth to attach to his cousin's tail so it didn't fall off her shoulder.....jeeeeez....

These women are being arrested for not having their legs covered on the beach....and that's true.....Why can't we all just get along....in the land of the free, indeed....

The accompanying text with this next image stated that at an Elvis look-a-like contest the fire alarm went off accidently and all the contestants were kept in the parking lot for hours, and, well, some of them had to go....

They used to take pictures of babies this way.

These are called The Invisible Mothers, whereby the moms hold their child, then are draped (without the baby knowing) and the photo is cropped (usually) to remove any evidence of her.

When I get real old and I'm in a nursing home or some such shit, I just wish they have to handcuff my wrists to the side of my wheelchair because I refuse to stop masturbating....but that just might be me.

This is his boat. I like it very much. Very, very classy inside and out. Oh, and he uses it to transport his family to and from his own island. And from his work, I say he deserves every fucking bit of it...he's a cultural icon.

Please tell me that these are people taking measurements instead of lumberjacks. Cutting such a magnificent thing is just wrong, ya'll....

Strange sports can be fun.

This event's winner is decided by multiplying his number of target hits by his blood alcohol level....I came in third when I played....only because I missed that whole fucking target every time....

This man is an idiot....truly....idiot....

Crossword clue: Suit material
_ _ _ _ [ tort ]

Okay, you go into a bar with your buddies and you meet a girl and she asks, "So, what do you do?" Good luck with that Sparky....

Of course, "Beating the Shit Out of the Little Kid" never caught on in America. I think there was a problem with scoring....

Seriously: If you are in charge of a city who is dependent on tourist and you have roving bands of poor kids who swarm around said tourists and strip them bare of all valuables....what would you do? Well, you could beat the kids who are starving, you could kill them (documented) or you could feed them.....ummmmmm....seems like a no brainer to me to me.....but of course, I don't live in a country with millions of people in poverty.....oh, I'm sorry, I DO live in a country with millions of people in poverty.

Speaking of police...I got this from a site with the title "Fuck the Police"....