SHIT THAT'S JUST FUCKING ODD....AND I MEAN THAT

LET'S TALK MARIJUANA.... 

Why would any sane person do this?

This is just ONE part of our collective insanity....

In 20-30 years, one of the hardest things our kids will have to do will be finding a user name that hasn't already been taken.




I've seen films about this elephant. I just wonder if it was rewarded for good moves and punished for bad moves so many times that....well.....

TRUE: Saw this today: 750,000 TEENAGERS FALL PREGNANT PER YEAR.
How does one "fall pregnant"? Is it like Oops, I fell on a penis several hundred fucking times.....a week.




Anybody got any ideas about this one......anybody.....?

When I go to my first OWS rally, I've picked my sign design:
FREE SHRUGS




The problem with quotes on the internet is that we have no idea if the person really said it, and we surely aren't going to do the research required to find out. I include this for one simple reason....I find it hilarious.

Here's another one:
"Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State."
Mark Twain.


I asked my wife what she wanted me to give her for Christmas and she said a divorce. I said I hadn't planned to spend that much.




I've been down this road before. You show me a culture where people are EXPECTED to adorn themselves in ways that distort various parts of their bodies and I will show you a culture that has lost it's way.

If a breakfast doesn't have the capacity to kill me...I don't want to eat it.




I found out what that was that was shoved up that guy's ass......Buzz Lightyear!!!!

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
(did you read that in it's entirety?)




Do you remember this guy? Of course you don't. Read on.

A man was arrested at the Large Hadron Collider.
He claims he's from the future.




This is how other countries deal with their protesters.

Have you ever noticed how interesting the cereal box automatically becomes interesting when you are eating alone?




I've got a post coming up about the evils of religion. This sort of thing is at the top of the list.

This body is old, but it's all that I've got.
When my age you reach, look so good you will not.

If the Pope dies, is he being promoted or fired?




Dear Ladies,
You are and have always been manipulated by people who want your money.
Sincerely,
Humanity

Women.....go figure....pun intended....

Sent this to a young man I love very much:
IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO LIVE WITH A PSYCHO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
He's contemplating a divorce......too soon?




Notice that he ran out of cardboard....

My young daughter was terrified of Bob Barker.
To the point that I would threaten to call him if she didn't go to bed.
God, that's strange.




I got a thing about this gun blaming. I predict that if all guns evaporated, we would just kill one another with knives and/or clubs.  

I just know this....if someone is going to fuck with me and mine, I want it to be a fair fight...or preferably, an unfair fight in my favor.


If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

FEAR MAKES THE WOLF LOOK BIGGER.

If your male friend has an empty search history....
don't shake his hand.




You think this is true?

Check out the prices....

Dear Young Men,
The most expensive meal you will ever eat is that girl's pussy.




Anybody.........anybody?

SHIT I FIND INTERESTING:
I get an email "Word of the Day" everyday.
Today's word was "Serry", and this is the way it was presented....
serry (SER-ee), verb:
To crowd closely together.
Then they give a quote in which the word is used. Here's what they had for serry.
Serry means to crowd and is spelled serry.
-Mildred Colvin, Missouri Brides.




???????

How come they don't have any cum gulping gutter slut olive oil?

When I have a bunch of people over to my house and I know they have never been stoned, I offer them brownies and tell them it has a little marijuana in them, even though they don't. Then I watch them try and act high. 
Try it some day. It's a hoot.


This woman is not wearing any panties....

And now for the breaking news....

Another image for my female viewers...

"Herrow?"........

When a woman says "What?", it's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.

What if sleep is our natural domain, and we only wake to sustain ourselves before our next nap?




????????????

Regretting wasted time only adds to it.




This somehow reminds me of something very personal...

You've all heard of "Spooning"....

...Well, my wife and I do this thing called "96ing"; where we sleep opposite ways and fart on the backs of each others' heads.

I invited everyone in my neighborhood over to my house for a real traditional Thanksgiving feast, and then I killed them all and stole all their land.

A man should never be asked to wash the carrots if there are guests invited.

Whenever I drink hard liquor I always come up with elaborate conspiracy theories of how I'm in line for the British throne. 

How in the fuck did we, as a culture, stoop to this?

Columbia, South Carolina: This billboard was erected and people went nuts. Think about that a minute. There are demands that it be removed. Yeah, I find that precious.

I think my dog is an alcoholic.

Even supermodels take painful shits.

Don't take a short cut unless you have plenty of time.




This is a Batman Snuggy.

That motherfucker probably has the original Windows XP wallpaper on his computer.


BEST FRIENDS DO NOT LET YOU DO STUPID THINGS....






alone.




Please...someone help me with this one....

TRUE: I had a friend who works in a company with a lot of foreign workers, that he once saw an Asian man use a paper towel to hold his dick while he peed.
(okay, that was awkward...the Asian man held his own dick, NOT my friends)
And a related recollection....My wife once criticized me for returning to the table after peeing without washing my hands. I told her I didn't pee on my hands. Still disgusted I reminded her that she puts it in her mouth.
She never brought it up again.......I never got another blow job either, but she never brought that up either.




It was stated that these were brains. Is that just about the grossest thing you've ever seen? Jeeeeeeez.....

HONKIBINE: A trailer trash slut

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.




???????????

You know you've had too much to drink when the voices inside your head start slurring their words.




Is there a Nutrition Nazi message here?

TOONS TO AMUSE.....AND/OR CONFUSE.....

One of my very own....

WOMEN BEING ODD AND LOOKING LIKE SLUTS, BUT PROBABLY AREN'T....

AND THEN THERE'S THIS....


My daughter was out of town and had her TA give her class their mid-term this past week. Then out of the blue she got a letter from a very concerned Chinese mother, and this is part of it.

It seems that this guy didn't want to disturb the other 200 students by calling 911 while they were taking the exam.
By the way, my daughter talked to the TA and the whole 911 thing was absolutely factual.