Oh, look, someone has had a extraordinarily hilarious bad day of irony....
Whenever my wife asks me to get off the computer and go outside I tell her that I hate 3D stuff because it gives me a headache.
(This excuse can get you out of almost anything if your wife really, really loves you)
Sometimes I like to run my wedding video backwards just to see myself walk out of the church a free man.
(that, gentle reader, is one of the biggest lies I've ever told)
Can you imagine being a stripper who doesn't know if she is attractive or not.....but all those $2 bills ought to be enough...
Dear Self-proclaimed Photographers,
The quickest way to make money at photography is to sell your camera.
You're welcome.
"No costly repair bills"....?????......
It makes me sad when I think that I'll never have a pasta named after me.
I watched a movie last night and there was a scene where a man was about to get acupuncture and demanded that the needles be sterilized by saying this: "I'm not catching any disease I haven't earned."
My sentiments exactly.
A repost, but still funny....
The only "b" word you should call a girl is beautiful.
Bitches love to be called beautiful.
This will mean absolutely nothing to anyone but Abby...
I get out of jury duty by prefacing every answer with "according to prophecy".
Remember, beer has food value, but food has no beer value.
For Lara.............HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
Just wanted to let you know - today I received my 2012 Social Security Stimulus Package. It contained two pole bean seeds, cornbread mix, a prayer rug, and 10 coupons to Wendy's. The directions were in Spanish.
Look carefully....
I don't have a problem with alcohol.
I have a problem without alcohol.
(Write that shit down...it's important)
The naughtiest looking, non-naughty thing I've ever seen...
When I first told my daughter that Santa wasn't real, she asked, "Then whose lap have I been sitting on all these years?"
This almost beat me.......almost........
[ I do not care at all ]
It all started innocently enough. Just another way to distract the foe during freethrows....
Then the internet got a hold of it.....
It all started innocently enough. Just another way to distract the foe during freethrows....
Then the internet got a hold of it.....
(that was not shopped)
Auto correct can go straight to he'll.
Silly, but rather clever.....
Auto correct can go straight to he'll.
Silly, but rather clever.....
This person's extreme embarrassment with an Ikea project...
(I bet it didn't take her boyfriend 15 seconds to post this online)
Sometimes it's okay to fall apart....unless, of course, you're a ferris wheel.
Sometimes it's okay to fall apart....unless, of course, you're a ferris wheel.
I took one of those Viagra pills my wife bought me, then went out to check the oil in my car and poked out both headlights.
You can't imagine how much Lego shit there is on websites with funny pictures. This one is acceptably funny.
Oh, look, more irony....
Notice he's alone...just a man and his thoughts....
This if fucking true.....
This was just found in the Thames....
I know I harp on this.....but can anyone rationally explain this to me. Culturally, when we are examined in future times, what are they to think about this shit?
Further, let's look a little closer at modern shoes.
There are three ways that people know that they are standing erect; and this is very important preventing accidents.
Eyesight tells you if things start to tilt, of course. But in the dark you need two more factors: the inner-ear (of which I am lacking), and the tiny sensors on the bottoms of your feet.
The same study that found the calf damage from high heels found that the modern cushioned soles of our shoes diminished our ability to feel the minute changes in the sensors on the bottoms of our feet even when we are shoeless.
Interesting.
The headline said that this is the first certified armless masseuse.
(And like every right minded person in America, you are wondering how she wipes her ass. Well, there is a simple explanation to that question that we people with really small arms keep secret. Sorry. But ask me again if you are ever in a really, really bad chainsaw accident.)
TRUE: My brother-in-law saw "War Horse" on Broadway.
Think about that a minute. A story about a horse presented on stage. He said the horse was a wonderful puppet, but after about 10 minutes the audience completely forgets it's a puppet...that's how great it is.
I would have loved to have seen that.
Yeah, like the new "computer age" invented stupid ass shit...
TOONS TO AMUSE....
ONE OF MY VERY OWN....
WOMEN SHOWING OFF THEIR BOOBIES....
1 comment:
Boobies + CSS jokes = chortles.
wrt high heels: look up "lordosis". Couple that with the strongly-patriarchal (man-appeasing) history of Western society and you get weird-ass crippling stuff like stiletto heels.
Speaking of crippling footwear, virtually all modern shoes are bad for us. Since we evolved to walk and run barefoot, our footwear should be as minimal as possible (moccasin-like, i.e. no arch support, no thick padding, no heel-toe elevation, etc). However, most of our shoes are the opposite of that (especially most "running shoes" or "sneakers" which have noticeable inclines, rigid arch supports and a lot of plastic cushioning).
These hideously-overwrought shoes wreak all kinds of havoc on our bodies, mostly by changing the stride to a heel-striking one (we would naturally run on the balls of our feet). There are many interesting videos which show the changes in posture I'm talking about (e.g. this one). People who learn barefoot running techniques run farther and are much less likely to injure themselves.
*shrug* I just find that shit interesting. Our bodies know how to walk and run just fine, and they would, but through tradition and blindness we make it harder to do what comes naturally to us.
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