WOMEN

Be fearful of mediocrity...

Get back in the kitchen...

Life is a sexually transmitted disease which always ends in death...there is no known cure.....

Don't lick my arm.
Only weird people do that.

Boys had posters of their stars in their bedrooms also, but we pretended to put something besides yogurt in their mouths...

And never forget that only women can give us these miracles...

But after the fifth child, delivery is much, much easier...

Fun little illusion this...

Goodbyes are not always sad.
Example: Goodbye, warden.




She only hurt her pride..........BULLSHIT!

SPEAKING SOUTHERN:
One = You
Two to Four = Y'all
Five or more = All Y'all




These two girls are twins of a mixed race couple. There is a one in a million chance that this would happen... 

I remember the exact day I learned that there's not beautiful singles in my area dying to meet me.

Girls, did you know that if a man finds a skidmark in the toilet bowl, he can not resist aiming his urine at it.




What do these four women have in common?
You might want to give this a second or two...

Yeah, they are all dolls.....some better than others.
(that guy's face is enough to freak me out)

Look at the guy in the background. Women have to put up with this shit every single minute of every single day...

I'm celebrating Santorum's departure by watching all the porn that he tried to take away.
And I take comfort in knowing that the other meaning of Santorum will live on in Google searches for.....ever.

NEW RULE:
If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without saying 'Thanks', then I am granted one attempt at trying to trip you.




Of course, it wasn't so long ago....

WORD OF THE DAY (true):
Macaronic - Composed of a mixture of languages.

TRUE: Oliver Urface Joins Curious Roster of Donors to Stephen Colbert's Super PAC.




It was stated that this is a bartender after an 18 hour shift in an Irish Bar on St. Patrick's day...those are her tips....

TRUE: Every morning when I wipe my ass, I try to some famous person doing the same thing at the same time. This morning I thought of Betty White.




White-trash sister....the reason they inbreed.....

How drunk would Prince Charming have to be to forget what the love of his life looked like, forcing him to use a shoe?




Talk about your multi-tasking.....

You can have reservations about and reservations at the same restaurant at the same time.




A dowager taking a snapshot....

WOMEN WITH MEN

Nothing to see here, folks, just move along...

Nothing messes up a Friday like realizing it's Tuesday.


Just the last queen of Hiwaii and R.S. Stevenson sharing a moment of eudemonia....

I've always wanted to run into a store and ask what year it is, then when someone answers I would yell, "It worked!", and run out cheering.
But I don't run anywhere.......ever.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, YA'LL....

You cant always get what you want.
(not even a goddamn apostrophe)

Maybe she's hoping for a prince...

I've never had amnesia......I think.




That bitch ought to marry this ephebe NOW!

"Racist Rapist" sounds worse than a regular rapist until you realize less people would get raped.




If you don't recognize her, it's alright, it really, really is....

Heard something cool today. The question was "If there is life elsewhere in the universe, how come we haven't found it?" 
"It's like going to the ocean and scooping up a cup of water, then looking at it and deducing that there were no fish living therein."
Meaning, of course, that we need much, much more data in both cases. 




This is the king and queen of Bhutan and who gives a shit...

Admit it, most of you feel worse for the homeless guy's dog than you do for the homeless guy.
TRUE: I actually adopted a homeless guy's dog when he could no longer afford to care for it.

TOONS ABOUT WOMEN....

ONE OF MY VERY OWN...

WOMEN WHO PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS....