FOLIO OLIO: ADVENTURER’S LOG: EARTH CYCLE THREE

Urbana, Illinoise

Passed a blade for a wind turbine on the interstate. Was forced to travel on the most boring road to make up for yesterday's lost time...

I’m a big fan of those rumple strips carved into the asphalt to let drivers know if they are veering off the road. I don’t know what it is about my new truck, but when I run over them (sometimes on purpose) it sounds just like the Stegosaurus from Jurassic Park, which in turn sounds like my wife during one of her infrequent fits of passion.

Of course, if you are fighting for your country and get shot or hurt, it's a terrible tragedy. But maybe, if you get shot by the dude you were shooting at, it's a tiny bit your fault.

What would Hitler chuckle at?

This.

M&M's?

Know the movie?

Waterboarding is like baptizing the terrorists with freedom.

Have you ever stopped and listened carefully because you didn't know if it was fireworks or a drug deal gone bad?

The first time my daughter called me in her room in the middle of the night and told me there was a monster under her bed, I said, "Shut the fuck up, he can hear you!"

My friend (my age) just got his disability for Agent Orange after decades of visits to the VA.

It's so humid today I keep expecting a southern lawyer to make his closing argument.

Beauty is everywhere if you just look for it...

I'm a good pretend listener.

What if every time you clear your internet history you are actually submitting it to the NSA?

The NSA has pictures of my penis.

This is a glass crubber used in bars.

Smart bar owners place the sink under the bar, forcing the female bartenders to vigorously pump the glass while making eye contact with the male customer...