FRIDAY #1771

The paths of the first moon landing superimposed on a soccer field...

What do you think they would do to a dog that killed or tried to kill every other animal on his block?

I would strongly advice anyone who is thinking of a tattoo, to run their idea past a few people they trust....while sober...

Another idea I read about, tape the design you are thinking about in a place you will see every day and leave it there for a few weeks before deciding to go through with it.

Chief...

I know exactly what they are doing and why they are doing it, but it still looks strange...

I love awkward laughs. Let me give you an example.
"Fuck you and your 'Good morning'".
They always blink a couple of times...and then that awkward laugh. Priceless.

Does this man look like he gives a fuck?

Whatever doesn't kill me.....had better start running.

This is animal abuse...

Mondays aren't so bad. It's you job that sucks.

My buddy built the set for this movie...

 At one point in the script, a house burns down and has to be searched. I naively thought they really burned the house, but it was done with power saws and body grinders and black spray paint.

Had a discussion with another very bright young man about...everything...

 He could not even consider that we humans don't matter...that we are not special. I said that when a huge astroid destroys all life on Earth (again), the universe won't even notice it. He, not a religious man, did not agree and almost said that we are the apex of universal evolution.

I've never understood man's need for specialness.

I watched a movie and pulled out these profound subtitles...

I couldn't agree more. 

Your chance of being killed by a terrorist is statistically insignificant, yet we give up right after right because we have been TAUGHT to be afraid...

By the way, I think that last image was the perfect image for that discussion, and I just stumbled upon it the very day I watched the movie. Eerie, that.

That cartoon just about nails it. And just like fashion, there are people who make a whole bunch of money to get you to think a certain way....no matter what the evidence.

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.
( read that again )

The deer has also learned where the invisible fence is...

I'll stop being a sarcastic bastard when you stop being a stupid fuck.

I have never loved a city more than I love Paris. It was magical...

An empty browser history is a dirty browser history.

Want to turn your phone into an extreme close-up camera?

A lens from a laser pointer...

Their are so many Grammer Nazis on the internet because English majors have know jobs.

Clever illusion...

 I heard a discussion of such things. It said that we humans can not process all the information we sense every second, so we have developed short-cuts (assumptions) that has served us well.

Not sure that most Americans know we are being hoodwinked on Israel...

Why? We know Jews but have never met a Palestinian? 

If you do not agree with the above, please leave a comment to set me straight.

Your generation needs to learn about sacrifice....so mine doesn't have to.

And the guy on second is just minding his own business...

I'm not antisocial. I have stupidity intolerance. It's like lactose intolerance for assholes.

Fornicate with the constabulary...

My young friend lives in a 250 square foot apartment. And if you don't understand what square footage means...his microwave is his bedroom clock.

When I exclaim, "Oh, god!", I am not referring to any actual god. Just as when I exclaim, "Oh, shit!", I am not referring to any actual shit.

 Is this fucking true!?

 Who would have thought I would find TWO posts of this subject on different sites on the say day?

America: A country where people believe the moon landing is fake, but wrestling is real.

Check out the guy with the umbrella...

How long do you think this would be effective?

When two people kiss, they create a really long tube with assholes on both ends.

 Never forget its awesomeness...

Coming back from Europe there was a man who bought two seats right at the bulkhead...

 He did what this guy is doing...with his feet out in the aisle. Unrelatedly, he had a briefcase handcuffed to his wrist and I took him for a diamond dealer.

Maturity: Being home alone and doing something more productive than masturbating.

I saw a sign like this once...

 The sign said that it cost 50 cents to make a copy so be frugal. But the more copies you make, the cheaper becomes the per copy price.

 Cloaca is a combined anus, urethra and genitals.

Members of the Piraha tribe in remote northwestern Brazil use language to express relative quantities such as "some" and "more," but not precise numbers. The tribe members used the word previously thought to mean "two" when as many as five or six objects were present, and they used the word for "one" for any quantity between one and four.

 Yeah, we Southerners do that, too.

Those zany French...

We all know the story, but did you know why it was a disaster?

 When the elephants became wounded, they killed everybody they could, no matter which side they were on.

Friend left a message for me to post bail. I hope this helps...

"Don't mess with me! I can kill people with one punch."
- Jim Jones

These people MUST live in a mobile home...

This is what I used to look like when I told the principal that I wasn't feeling well and needed a sick day...

I wonder how many people will get this...

Tonight I gave my dog a testicle-sized chunk of roast beef. He went complete insane. It was fun to watch.


Never understood this fascination with ancestors...

I could give a shit where my great-great-great grandfather happen to be born.

Number Two advisor, Scott, sent me this...

I see this a lot in a college town....kids driving $40K cars to work at minimum wage or deliver pizza, but you got to figure daddy bought the car and his allowance just doesn't cut it.

When you're done already and she keeps on sucking...

A potato/tomato plant that is not genetically altered...

It's a matter of grafting the two plants together at the bottom...

During WWII they encouraged citizens to have a Victory Garden. It was suggested planting three kinds of seeds in each row: corn, pole beans and squash.
The corn sprang up first giving the pole beans a "pole". The squash covers the ground holding in moisture.