FAT JOCOSE FRIDAY #1840

If I didn't drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2am?

My whole life is a lie...

When you don't understand the rules...

Don't drink and drive. Take acid and teleport.

Fascinating...

Give this one a minute...

Ignorance might be bliss for the ignorant, but for the rest of us it's a fucking pain in the ass.

Selfies: A ridiculous practice of narcissism...

"Oh, what a cute ladybug."
"Let's see if it burns!"
Guess which kid I was.

More than ever, voting just doesn't matter...

If somebody with Obama's track record could fuck us, then the battle is over and you and I, my friends, are not victorious.

I bought a penis enlarger on line. The bastards sent me a magnifying glass.
The only instructions said, "DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT."

Think about it...

OOMVO...

Plateaus...the highest form of flattery.
(read that again)

OOMVO...

Have you noticed how every white person in the country looks both ways before telling a racist joke?
So, you think I'm a racist for telling racist jokes? Fuck you! I will stop telling racist jokes when every other race stops telling racist jokes.

Bummer...

Boiling water thrown at -41 degrees...

I remember the exact day I stopped biting my nails to improve my nose picking.

CELEBRATE ORIGINALITY.
Yes, I think it that important.

Moms...they're like dads only smarter.

 But there's more...

Homemade just means that somebody licked the spoon and kept using it.

You ought to shoot a large caliber revolver in the dark at least once...

Got this email from a woman I know:
"Sometimes when I'm bored I bounce my boobs on the skdbsksndbdudndkjsk."

???????

Watched this clip of a plane trying to land (but aborted), and it looks like the wheels are pointed down the runway even as the plane is askew. Anybody know anything about that?

Have you ever planted a tree?

Why the fuck not?

I want to believe. I want to believe so badly...

The only exercise I get is beer runs?

Thank you, Captain Obvious...

The 5 second rule for food dropped on the flood doesn't work if you have a 2 second dog.

It's so weird being my own role model.

THIS IS A LIPOGRAM. CAN YOU THINK OF WHY?

If not, then look it up.

Korean artist JeeYoung Lee constructs elaborate, dream-like worlds that serve as sets for her imaginative self-portrait photos. Lee builds the environments in a 10-by-20-foot studio in a process that can take months.... 

 You can tell by the space I gave her work that I like it very much.

Here is a painting I also like...

Medieval Russian schoolchildren’s birch-bark doodles...

Oldie but goodie...

And not a single fuck was given...

 Living in a college town, I have seen hundreds of students walk across the middle of a block without so much as a glance at traffic.

That physical pain when you see someone type "http://www." into the url.

They are discussing whether clevage is distracting...

Yes. Yes it is.

THERE WILL BE A POST TOMORROW DEDICATED TO GRAFFITI ART IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.