TUESDAY #1858

This place will host the winter Olympics in just a few weeks...

 Who the fuck thought that would be a good idea?

Social engineering at its finest...

I've been organizing my campaign "Motorboating For Breast Cancer" and there seems to be a lot of enthusiasm. The way I got it figured, half the population didn't need much encouragement and the other half can be convinced with either blind folds so the guy don't know who is being motorboarded or bags over her head so the motorboarder doesn't know who he is motorboarding.
I figure we ought to have it during the entire month of March, to coincide with St. Patrick's Day where most of the inhibitions will fade quickly.

I like science gags like this T-shirt....

I know a lot of scientists and that lot deserves all the gags they can get.

Is it just me, or does this look sort of fragilely Chinese-made...

I found this impressive. I think it's the first time I've seen a rover roving...

 But showing their flag on OUR moon is unforgivable...

My wife ask if her new jeans made her ass look big. I said, “It looks like you were poured into them.....and forgot to say ‘when’.”

If they ever figure out how to transplant brains, I want mine in a great white shark….for obvious reasons.

SYDSE...

(shit you don't see everyday)

Whoever snuck the S in “fast food” is a clever bastard.

I live in a constant fear of an outbreak of yodeling.

SYDSE #2...

My wife keeps her anal beads in the oven she hasn't used in years. 

I never asked why.

Maybe vagina jokes are funny and 

you’re just ovary-acting.

These strange mounds have been a mystery for...oh...ever...

 Now it has been determined that they were caused by.............Gophers.

This is my excellent friend, Lawrence. My wife is sporting the hat he gave her for Christmas and using her new mug...

He is a most honorable neighbor and friend. We are thankful to have him in our lives.

OOMVO...

All of my wife’s sexual fantasies involve me vacuuming the living room rug.

There's an anal probe joke in here someplace...

“How come you never want to spend time with my friends during our conjugal visits?”

Brand name loyalty fascinates me. I've read studies about such things and there are a whole bunch of people who will only buy Ford's, etc...

I'm a Cheeto man, myself and will pass on all other alternatives if they are out of them. They have found that the #1 brand loyalty is to one's cigarettes. Go figure.

I don’t need more friends. I need more abettors.

Watched this movie and backed it up to catch this subtitle...

I love subtitles, but I hate stupidity in characters who one would hope should be normal human beings. In the same movie as above, numerous people have been dismembered and the last two survivors hear something. This was the dialogue...

Unless it breaks, we can fold it.

You guys may think I'm really down on America...

If you think that you have been paying attention. 
The way I have it figured is that there is a huge bucket of money that is called the US Economy. Everybody has to share out of the same bucket, because...well, that all the fucking money there is. So we have reached a point were the top ten percent of the people are taking (stealing) way more than greed...far beyond obscene and approaching the point were rioting turns to revolution.

Sure, money may be imaginary, but at least

it’s got everybody imagining it.

This is worth another look...

Really small things that go really fast are a lot like slightly bigger things that go slightly slower, but the smaller things can go faster than the big ones, unless the big ones also rotate. It turns out the big ones LOVE to rotate!

I don't like to judge...

BULLSHIT! I LOVE TO FUCKING JUDGE!
Anyway, shit like this on TV is America's version of the Gladiators in ancient Rome. They distract the masses from their plight of being fucked.

It's in their fucking genes...

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves…for they never cease to be amused.

Can you imagine anybody thinking this was a good idea?

Fuck it not actually falling over...the whole tower could have landed on the son of a bitch.

When I play footsie, I play to win, by god.

Architectural award winner...everyone can see the water...

Have I ever told you how much I detest the phrase "And you know what". You say that to me and I will demand you let me take a few guesses, then when you get irritated and say, "It's just a thing people say", I say, "You know what? It's just a thing stupid people say."

This I like...

It almost makes me puke when I see the same old round blob snowmen just like we drew in kindergarten. This whole snowman thing says a lot about Americans' originality....WE....HAVE....NONE.....except for the guy above...he has some.

The tyranny of habit.

I have a friend who makes a living...a good living...making stained glass windows. I find this one wonderful...

New relavation about how the NSA works in foreign countries:

Tap communications; find out when they order a new computer; intercept that computer (steal off truck); load spyware on it; put computer back on truck.

Fucking brilliant!!!