FRIDAY #1868

My principal was once sent an email that accused him of being a racist. He sued and was awarded $100k, which he quickly gave to charity.

The brouhaha started with the fact that he suspended 9 black boys to every 1 white boy. On the surface, one could come to the conclusion, but they would be wrong. The district has a zero-tolerance policy whereby if there is a fight, both boys are instantly suspended; their parents are called to come get them; then all students and parents gather for a meeting the next day.

But the truth of the matter is, black boys fight much more often than white boys, thus exonerating my principal.

Now I hear that Obama is beginning a federal investigation to find out why more black boys are suspended than white boys.

He could have just asked me and saved a whole bunch of money.

Their is a reason people can't find work...

They don't know how to do anything that someone will pay to be done. I know it's more complicated - like having a skill that is glutted with other people with the same skill; living in a place that is declining instead of growing; and being stupid. But I'm pretty sure throwing money at this problem won't really matter until we start making stuff again - so that low skill workers can put shit together for the rest of us.

Sun sport size that should bring northern lights to lower 48 tonight...

A few headlines:

1. Dennis Rodman on CNN rant: "I had been drinking"

2. Chicago Zoo Moves Polar Bears Indoors To Escape The Cold

 3. Humans Try To Make Cats Look Less Spiteful And Cruel

When you think you're having a rough day...

Many years ago I decided to make a list of things I had stuck my dick into, but three and a half legal pads I realized that it would be easier to make a list of things I had yet to stick my dick into. 

  Now I just check items off the list as I stick my dick in and now I'm down to three items. If I have not stuck my dick between the soles of your bare feet, then it just might be you.

Well, that's awkward...

Teenage boy's gift from his mother...

 It was a log and a note telling him he's smoking too much dope.

Do you think it can eat that?

Your mom made you out of food.

That reminds me of the time I took both my daughters to cut a Christmas tree. When we went back to the car there was a large mud puddle next to the rear door, so I leaned over and opened the door, then lifted my youngest daughter and tried to get her in the back seat by placing my food on the bottom of the door opening. Instead I slammed her head on the top of the door opening. Then when I lifted her out to seek ice for her lump, I placed my older daughter on the backseat and as I slammed the door I noticed her fingers were about to get smashed. Now we had two screaming kids and people thought I was a child abuser.

Not sure if life is getting better or the amounts of fucks I give is decreasing.

Didn't that look like it was just a little bit on purpose?

Architecture porn...

I drink to calm myself. Honest.
Last night I got so calm I couldn't find my car keys....or my car......and pooped in my pants.

I can only assume that the bar rotates so the walls of the hole will all be vertical...

The result of your stool sample is back....

 Delicious.

Pretty girls with ugly laughs: one way nature preserves the balance.

We call that all conspiracy theory tinfoil hat delusional.

OOMVO...

Will I go to hell for that?

Most powerful air force in the world? US Air Force.
Second most powerful air force in the world? US Navy.

Twenty-five (25) of these stealthy bastards in formation to celebrate their 25th aniversary...

Their first flight was 1981.

What do you think is going through the mind of each of these men...

Who knew these fuckers were this clever...

Did you notice how carefully she examines the lower latch to make sure she had it right?

Fourth Wave feminism will occur in digital hyperspaces, amalgamating theory and activism into a new heterotopic praxis in which all previous feminist waves are subsumed (see also Gossip Girl xxoo).

Walk you though the creation of an art pot...

You can only say "WTF" so many times a day until you just say fuck it and start drinking.

My wife told me that covering one eye does not count as "watching less porn".

Here are some examples of a test that determines where you are from:

Do I pronounce “caught” and “cot” the same? Do I think it’s acceptable to say something like, “I write exclusively about science anymore”? Do I call carbonated beverages “soda”, “pop”, or “coke”?

Well, I once met a man who said he could do the same thing just by asking you pronounce these four words: All, oil, owl, awl.

Now I know!!!

 They put a camera in the water behind a bait boat and watched as the sword fish bludgeoned the bait with his "sword". Yes! He comes up behind it and beats the holy shit out of it with lightning quick head shakes.

The sad truth is that the truth is sad.

Rover suspension...

I always sleep naked. It's just more comfortable. That loudmouth lady can fuck off and I don't care that there are children on the plane.

SYDSE...

 He was demonstrating how lightweight pumice is.

I hate it when I think I'm buying ORGANIC vegetables, but when I get home I discover they're just REGULAR donuts.

Raising a child is like taking care of someone who is on way too many mushrooms, while you yourself are on a moderate amount of mushrooms. You are not confident in your decisions, but you somehow know nobody should be eating a mousepad.

AN OLDIE POST TOMORROW.