MONDAY #2059

People killing each other in Gaza, The Ukraine, and Chicago. It's so hot here my air conditioner won't cool my studio and I got art to make. I almost fell and it scared the holy shit out of me. And now I look out and I have a flat tire on my truck.
I've fucking had it. Thank goodness for a fridge full of Bud Light.
Now let's get on with the diversions...

And yet we do nothing. We do worst than nothing...we elect the same people over and over and over. The system is fixed to favor the rich and we feel powerless to change it I guess.

(by the way, I don't think that cartoon is American)

Or...

Self-worth is so vital to your happiness. If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s hard to feel good about anything you steal from Walmart.

This is how you draw an elipse...

 Getting it the exact right size is very difficult. I once had to make a perfect elipse that was exactly 4'x8' and I had to change the position of the pins at least a dozen times and shorten or lengthen the string the same.

I have sex with my wife the old fashion way.

On the hood of my truck...

And if it's too hot, we just do it in the cab of the truck like our momma's use to do...

That all reminds me that I'm working up another Being Southern: A Tutorial. 

(by the way, I think that first photo was of a policeman taking the traffic fine out in...."trade")

Don’t ever give your wife a bathroom plunger for her birthday. Just don’t do it.

 Said to be Banksy's...

 This is my all-time favorite...

My wife got angry at me because I made the sink wet.

Then and now...

It’s impossible to give a fuck while eating an apple.

 I seldom even bother to comment on such....idiots, but this man is beyond contempt...

So, how was your day at work, Daddy...

Have you ever feared that your spouse may be swapping sex for pizza?

This is an actual photograph...

There ought to be an international over/under bet on whether after discovering alien life we try to eat it or fuck it first.

I've had to do this just about every time I finished a mural...

 It's called "dry brushing" where there is no paint on the bristles. He, of course, isn't even making a mark on his drawing.

Shit you don't see every day...

Disposable cameras are such a waste, since you never get to see your pictures.

The three stages of male orgasm...

Have you ever been so poor that you went to Walgreen’s, put on deodorant and left?

 These fonts are, of course, flat...

I lived in a snowy place one time...Labrador. If I ever have to move to Illinois with my daughter, I will surely buy one of these rigs...

I always thought forgetting to carry the 1 would be a much greater problem in my life than it has been.

Where Will You Be When The Acid Kicks In?

 I'm thinking he has a severe bout of diarrhea or nausea.

I throw many beer parties. That’s where I throw a party and only invite beer.

I think this is a good idea... 

Why are cereal bags not Ziploc yet?

Two Of My Very Own...

I start conversations with “As a vegan” when I no longer wish to be friends with someone.

I’m convinced that adults who tell people “you’ll hear from my lawyer” are the same kids that used to say “I’m going to tell my Mommie what you did.”

 Oh, the fools we suffer...

Can you spot the gay person?

Lose weight with this one simple trick: Join the army.

How so wonderful...

By the way, you people who have been long time viewers will notice that I repost often. That is for my newer viewers of which there are many. Thank you. 

French Toast is one of my favorite foods...

 ...and if you don't put cinnamon on it, you don't know what you're missing.

Photography...

People should seriously stop expecting normal from me...we all know it's never going to happen.

Last year in South Carolina there were 5,000 of these nests...

If I got a comment for every post that people liked I’d make more of an effort.

 A Star Trek turbulance scene with the camera stablized...

I find that very funny.

I like what I see in the mirror, then I’m brought back to reality by photographs.

Pay attention...a rock slide in China...

I contend that the NSA has so much data that the data is meaningless. They missed the Boston bombers, they missed Snowden. 

AND THEN THERE'S THESE...

THIS YEAR'S DARWIN AWARD WINNER: John Pernicky and his friend, Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington , decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot fence and sneak into the show.

They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for Mr.Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late) Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree.

Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and now, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To make matters worse, upon landing his pocket knife penetrated his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence, landing on his friend and killing him.

Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal injuries upon moving the truck, they found John deceased under it half-naked, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.