MONDAY #2108

NEWSY BITS...

This young man is facing two years in prison for pretending to stick his dick in Jesus' mouth...

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Headline...

 I can understand everything about that.

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 Another headline...
Ebola Hinders African Tourism

You think?!?

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What does the most interesting man in the world do in his spare time? When he’s not drinking Dos Equis, Jonathan Goldsmith works with MAG, or Mines Advisory Group. He’s raising money to fund the clearing of land mines in Cambodia. To make a donation and enter the raffle to spend a day with Goldsmith, go here. He doesn’t always blow things up, but when he does, it’s to save lives.

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I have personally been in contact with these beasts in Alaska...

And they will indeed bite you through your clothing.
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The people of Scotland are holding a simple vote on exactly the same thing the people of Northern Ireland have spent 45 years killing each other over.

 It has a wireless hand control...

Found this online...

Now remember that my bartender HATES that word, so I sent the image to her with these words:

"I had no idea this was so widespread."

She emailed me this...

"It's a CONDITION! And it ought to be recognized,  dammit! When I'm forced to enroll in Obamacare next month,  if they happen to have a feedback questionnaire I'm going to mention it."

Water Polo - one of the few sports that cold be improved with the addition of just one shark.

That we can travel the world with wind power still amazes me...

That awkward moment when your wife starts sounding like your other...
- put a jacket on it's cold out
- get your feet off the table
- get your finger out of my ass you freak

Some are born with penises.
Others have penises thrust upon them.

Because of the tiny gravity of an astroid...

They may not be solid at all, but a loosely form collection of small stones and dust that you could, literally, scoop a handful right from the surface like river rocks along a river.

This man's wonderful house is older than our whole country...

I just want to make enough money to never have to think twice about adding guacamole.

I used stop-action like this to make movies with my students...

I really hate feeling like I have to talk to the person cutting my hair.

Have you ever watched one movie while listening to a different movie?

You must learn from the mistakes of others, for you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

I would have liked to have met this man.

Norwegian Army's new tank...

 I think that's a mine clearing model.

 Ever wonder how they get all those photographs of that primitive tribe in the Amazon?

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive. 

I think this is a very funny man...

Only idiots get bored when we've all got handheld devices containing infinite knowledge at our fingertips.

Russia's state-run Channel One network has been accused of trying to pass off a 2009 computer game poster as a piece of World War I-era U.S. propaganda during a recent documentary.

My professor's reaction when he asked "How did slaves get from Africa to America?" and a girl answers: The Underground Railroad.

How.....unusual...

Poor people eat so much fast food, you'd think their time is valuable.

"Do what you love" is great advice for making $12K a year.

One Of My Very Own...

College: Because sleep, sobriety and sanity are for pussies.

People lie less in emails because there words are recorded and can come back to haunt them....

Posted our galaxy cluster the other day. Forgot to tell you that its name is Laniakea.

 I am very careful never to use this argument...

Young people today faces difficulties that I never dreamed of. We all need to cut them some slack. 

I've found that the loudest person in the room is the weakest person in the room.

I wonder what a crayon would consider an emergency.

I found this very funny...

If the camera really does add 10 pounds, do those African kids even exist?

Eruption of Mount Tavurvur caught on tape...

In the future, someone will say "caught on tape" and someone else will say "why do they call it that?" and someone will have to Google it.

This is a house...

I don't have to be so sarcastic, but the world has given me so much material to work with and I wouldn't want to waste it.

A little pocket thing that makes perfect cheese sandwich in a toaster...

A friend in need is a friend I will let go straight to voicemail.

My bartender hates it when I shorten his name to Dick, especially since his name is Jason.

What kind of thing is this to say to a guy?

"Okay, so I'm naked in bed, you want me to take my platform high-heels off?"

 "Nah. Leave them on."

Guess what these panels are made of...

 Closer view....

 Closest view...

How delightful.

You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.

How to steal a cow.
Step one - back up driveway...

The tragedy is that if Oscar Pistorius had no arms, this would never have happened.

I know several people who hunt for mushrooms in the wild...

The are, of course, trying to get high and as I understand it, it is a wonderful thing.

Earth to scale...

And another view...

The government of today has no right telling me how to live my life because the government of 200 years ago already did.

Mapping suicide rates...

"Step on a crack, break your mother's back"?
Are there any reported cases of this happening? 

The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease.
Sometimes it just gets replaced.

I would be this guy...

Let's start a new fashion fad...shall we...

When the magic spell wore off Cinderella at midnight, why didn't her glass slipper turn back into a grubby boot?

People who sit on a bar stool with perfect posture drives me up the wall. 

Amish...