SATURDAY'S THINGS GOING TO SHIT #2085

I nominate Guantanamo Bay for the Ice Bucket Challenge.

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Hamas-led gunmen in Gaza executed 18 Palestinians accused of collaborating with Israel, a day after Israel tracked down and killed three top Hamas commanders, the highest-ranking militants to be killed in the six-week war.

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She's all the rage...

When asked how she felt about all the interview requests, she simply said, "I can always say no." 

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The Russian press agency ITAR-TASS is reporting something so surprising that I'm having a hard time believing it: Cosmonauts have found microorganisms on the exterior of the International Space Station. Russian scientists are shocked by this discovery and can't really explain how it is possible.

(probably Earth-based contamination) 

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A femur on Mars?

Stupid twits.

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Twitter, YouTube try to stamp out images of journalist's beheading under a pre-existing policy of removing images of the deceased when requested by a family member.

Please remember that it behooves the government to keep you afraid...

"The sophistication, wealth and military might of Islamic State militants represent a major threat to the United States that may surpass that once posed by al Qaeda," U.S. military leaders said.

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Ferguson victim in another light?

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What a great idea...

At my favorite bar this evening, someone said that they had been challenged to dump ice water over their head. I said that after all this time, you have to realize (after star athletes, politicians, movie stars, etc, etc, etc) just how far down the pecking order that you are by just now being challenged. They thought about that a moment and most nodded. Then I complimented the marketing guy who thought up the whole ice bucket thing and (while I had their attention) announced, "I would like to start my own Stick Your Dick In A Toaster Challenge to raise money for Erectile Dysfunction.".....(laughter)....."And there would be a 50/50 chance that it was plugged in!"...(much more laughter)..."Well, it's a bigger problem for some of us than others"........."Of course I would need one of those wide bagel sized ones."
A good time was had by all.

Some of you people who don't know me that well, may think that the previous account is fictional. The people who really know me, know that I would never lie about such a thing. Thank you for your understanding.

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On weekends I take a little time off, but managed to pull some things "going to shit" together for your amusement...

I don't care how many times you've seen it. I like it, so....

I would have just walked off the field.

Woman on cellphone caused accident...

 Did you notice that he actually stopped the fight?

So, how was your day at the drag strip?

Pretty easy to see this one coming...

This man is followed by a police car WHILE he is towing the safe from a robbery...

Couch racing at its best...

TRUE: Hundreds of times while I was walking an elementary class back from the artroom, I would see a door open in such a way that it stuck out into the hallway. After timing my steps very carefully, I would look back at the class and say something to get eye contact, then I would turn around, kick the door with the toe of my shoe and react EXACTLY like that woman above. I got very, very good at that. Afterwards I would hold my nose and stagger a bit just to reinforce the "damage".

All those years of practice...

I could watch this a thousand times...

It was stated that he lived with minor damage.

CARTOONS THAT ALMOST DIDN'T 

MAKE THE CUT

I found that hilarious.

FRIDAY #2084

NEWSY BITS

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I have some people in my life who are contemplating major changes in their lives. I'm as nervous as they are.

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Police in the Liberian capital fired live rounds and tear gas on Wednesday to disperse a stone-throwing crowd trying to break an Ebola quarantine imposed on their neighborhood.

I wonder what would happen in America if we tried to quarantine a city.

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Videoing police violence is the new "See something, say something." It's practically a civic duty

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 By the way, that breaks down right along political party lines, with, of course, liberals wanting to everyone a trophy. I find that interesting.

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Community Health Systems, which operates 206 hospitals across the United States, announced on Monday that hackers recently broke into its computers and stole data on 4.5 million patients. Hackers have gained access to their names, Social Security numbers, physical addresses, birthdays and telephone numbers.

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Recent research suggests that tuberculosis spread by seals may have been responsible for the deaths of millions of Native Americans in pre-contact America. Tuberculosis is likely to have spread from humans in Africa to seals and sea lions, who then carried the disease to South America and transmitted it to Native populations long before Europeans landed on the continent.

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Over and under for the total number of points scored in next Thursday’s South Carolina/Texas A&M is 57. If you would like to make some quick money, bet on under. These two teams – on the first game of the season – ain’t never gonna score 57 points.

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Antarctica, the coldest place on Earth, teems with microscopic life. Tiny organisms dwell on the ice and live inside glaciers, and now, researchers confirm, a rich microbial ecosystem persists underneath the thick ice sheet, where no sunlight has been felt for millions of years.
Kind of sounds like Europa don't it.

I like captions. The more absurd the better...

“Evacuate Earth” – a movie about a doomed Earth having to find another place to live. But who goes on a space ship that can only carry several hundreds of thousands? Would you? Certainly not me. I am too old. But, specifically, what have you done or could do that would warrant your inclusion? Interesting question.

Plus – if your family history is long living. You are fertile. And you have good genes.

Con – if your family tree contains multiple mental disorders or health maladies.

The perfect candidate…Inuits.

The perfect food…insects…and alga.

Is it okay to pee in the ocean? Yes.
A new study actually proved that...look it up.

 At 4.4 Trillion (yes, trillion) Frames Per Second, The World's Fastest Camera Can Capture Chemical Reactions in Progress

The fall of the wall...what a wonderful thing to witness...

Do you remember the sheer joy of the Berliners with the sledge hammers? I was in awe.

I think the reason I found this so earth-shaking is that I assumed that the collapse of the Soviet Union would make this a safer world. The actual result was the birth of my cynicism.

This is the crap that happens when you give everyone free healthcare...

But on the upside, there is hope for this poor fellow...

This looks shopped....

 ...but it's not...

The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dictionary out of order.

I understand exactly how this pistol reloads the next round...

 But I have no idea how this pistol reloads the next round...

(after giving that further thought, I think I have it figured out)

You think they practice this in front of a mirror?

Probably.

Today I heard someone say, "Native American Indians."

My friend, a world record holder in the Highland Games...

She has to squeeze the tapering end to hold it up.
At the gym where she and her husband, House, work out, they have some of the old fashion devices....like a very heavy stone. 
This is NOT my friend...

Thank god.

There are toxic people that maybe you are the only one allergic to. To be happy, you have to separate yourself from these people.

Did you ever notice that the word “FAT” just looks like somebody took a bite out of the word “EAT”?

A crab sandwich....

Shellfish...who doesn't like shellfish?
Oh, that's right, the bible.

 Did NASA Capture An Alien And Its Shadow On The Moon?

Speaking of...

There is no better feeling than being adored for being exactly who you are. I know this feeling and it's a good thing.

Even as a child I noticed the illogic of this...

And by the way, he missed Superman's head by four feet....at that range.

Now this is a tattoo....

Raise your hand if you have had quite enough unsolicited advice about what you should do when life gives you lemons.

There are people who actually consider salad a food.

Read a fucking book occasionally.

We are all so disturbingly average.

Two Of My Very Owns about relationships...

Who eats tacos like this, Daquan?.....Seriously....

I’m a fan of anything you can smoke or drink at 2am.

I would like to meet the guy who wrote that.

Yes, he did just do that....

No heaven for you, old buddy...that's like rule number one...according to your parents.

 I love everything about this painting except for the face...

90% is so fresh, quick, daring and clean, then you come to the modeled face. It's like changing genres in the middle of the stream...as it were. 

Speaking of art...

I look at my dog and want to be as happy as he is when I come home.

Photography...

If I could take back 90% of the things I've said, I think people would like me more.

Flowers...

The trick is to stay alive long enough to cash out.

How to watch the game unmolested...

People make mistakes. It’s part of growing up. 
And we never stop growing up.

"22 year old woman was on her way home when she was mugged. In the following fight she was stabbed in the neck with a kitchen knife and the mugger ran away with her bag. What’s more amazing is that due to the adrenaline she did not feel a thing until she got home and her mother flipped out and rushed her to the emergency room."

(her mother "flipped out"....you fucking think?!)

Speaking of mothers...

I judge. That’s my hobby. Some people do arts and craft, I judge.