TUESDAY #2329

One Of My Very Own...

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A young friend wrote a program for a computer game. It has to do with each player rolling three dice. If any of the dice are a one, then you get no score for that round. If you don't get a one, then you add up each dice and that is your score. You may opt to roll again, but if you get a one on the second roll you get a zero score for the entire round. The scores of each round where you actually made points are added together and the first one to 100 wins. Further, if you roll TWO ones, your collective score goes to zero and you start all over again. If you roll THREE ones, you are out of the game.
So, I am a gambler. I looked at the odds as best I could and deduced a strategy and won the first three games against first two, then three players. My strategy was to always take a second roll if the first roll was 10 or less, but never take a second roll if my score was over 10.
Then we decided to put it to the test. We (the inventor and I) named three hypothetical players: Never, Always, and Over Ten, and played as their name implies. Never, never took a second roll. Always, always did, and Over Ten only took a second roll if his score was less than ten. Over Ten won every single game. 
There wasn't enough time for more tests, but the last score was 109 for Over Ten and zero for both the other players.
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I read about a potential space weapon that consist of an orbiting platform that holds dozens of telephone pole sized high-density metal darts that can be released over any target on earth and cause damage with kinetic energy only. No warhead, no rocket motor, no nothing except the great speed it will have when it strikes the target.

Stop smoking campaign on TV lately and ex-smokers with every illness known to man seem to blame the cigarettes. I think it lost it's effectiveness when that woman's bladder cancer was blamed on tobacco, but she never said it. It said she was a smoker and got cancer.

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 Does this headline read oddly to you?

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There are those who think Hubble is a huge laser weapon and all those images are just computer generated.

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Photography...

That is one amazing photograph. Maybe, just maybe, the best I've ever seen.

This player was being heckled...

If you don’t know anyone on meth; if you don’t have a relative in jail; or if you do not live within walking distance of a Walmart, then chances are you’re not from Alabama. Seriously.

To relieve stress my wife does yoga.

Just kidding. She gets high in yoga pants.

Of course! So obvious! I wouldn’t attribute this perversion to an archaic, patriarchal Abrahamic religion in any way, ever. 

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In 1986, deep inside the huge cave system of Mount Owen, New Zealand, archaeologists came across this well-preserved and terrifying claw. Once they got the claw out of the cave and into the lab, they determined that it belonged to a giant prehistoric bird known as an upland moa. Looking at the claw now, I’m very glad they are extinct.

This dog sensed the earthquake several long seconds before it hit...

Called the “Hardy Tree," this gravestone-encircled tree is located in the churchyard of London's St Pancras Old Church, and named because of the involvement of novelist Thomas Hardy (Tess of the D’Urbervilles, Far From the Madding Crowd and The Mayor of Casterbridge) in its creation.

Somebody told me something recently...

Have you ever noticed that African Americans have a habit of stopping several car lengths behind the car in front of them at a red light? Somebody told me it was to forestall the car in front of them putting it in reverse, backing into them, then reporting being rear-ended. Anybody know if that's true?

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Heavy handed police make me sick...

 But can't we all agree that running from a police officer is a very, very bad idea.

Guy once told me he was drinking to forget. I made him pay in advance.

Some war some place...

And if you asked them, most adults would say they are fighting so their children will have a better future. 

My wife and I have this great game. She begins to speak and I say, “Before you go any further, I don’t care,” then she says, “Don’t be a dick,” and we both laugh because it happens so frequently as to have become trite.

Australia...

Many people send me fucked up tattoos like this one...

But I like them a little more...edgy...

85% of baseball’s appeal is good weather and plenty of alcohol.

In his small pond, this man is a big fish...

He has a Guinness world's record...

 For the biggest tongue...in...the...world...

 And by all indication, his wife is tickled pink...

This is a touchpad that fits on the thumbnail...

 You use it just like any other touchpad...

 Oops.

And this next event was not even an accident...

To artsy folk, showing your drama class a film that includes you violating yourself with a “plastic Bambi figurine” is fair play, because it is art. It’s also one hell of a way for Queen Mary University of London drama teacher, Lauren Barri-Holstein, to break the ice on her first day of class.

Now you know why I became a teacher.

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It’s called mixing metaphors and it’s a good thing…

 That's fucking huge...

The design of that thing is amazing. When it hits the ocean floor, the little tabs at the bottom push the big blades horizontal so that when dragged they dig in. Wow. 

This woman has said some very intelligent things...

But I don't trust her any more or less than I trust the other power-hungry assholes. 

And...

I'm not a one issue voter....but...

Anybody that stupid shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the White House.

Actually I'm surprised that this doesn't happen more often...

All it takes is one little bump to the front wheel.

It was stated that this is a US vehicle we gave the Afghans... 

Poor fucking bastards.

I taught myself to stop using filler words like "um". Chance of rain today is 40%. Better grab my brella.

 That is an excellent example of my kind of humor.

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Test your schadenfreude

"A young bull elephant killed professional hunter Ian Gibson early on Wednesday as he tracked a lion for an American client in a rugged part of north-east Zimbabwe.

Mr Gibson, 55, one of Zimbabwe's best known big game hunters, died scouting for prey in the Zambezi Valley after a young bull elephant charged, then knelt on him and crushed him to death.

"We don't yet know the full details of how 'Gibbo' as we called him, died, as the American client and the trackers are still too traumatized to give us full details," said Paul Smith, managing director of Chifuti Safaris' which employed Mr Gibson for the hunt.

The American hunter was on his first trip to Zimbabwe, and only has one leg, but was "fit and strong" and had already shot a leopard. Mr Gibson was scouting for lions when he encountered the elephant."

It's not reported whether the elephant kept the hunter's teeth as trophies.

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Wimsod...