SATURDAY #3460

One Of My Very Own

EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

NEWSY BITS

THEY HAVE DONE IT!!!

I'm not saying that nobody falls down, but they don't writhe on the ground anymore in those once too frequent displays of sissiness. 

A referee once denied the team medical staff on the field to attend a writher; brought in the FIFA medical crew; and hauled the offending player to the sideline and made him wait until a stoppage before he was allowed back on the field.

That was my suggestion for years...decades. Finally!

The Portugal/Spain game was a work of art. After watching lesser teams all day, it was a real pleasure to watch two teams who both know how to play the game. I referred to it as the difference between two teams playing Whack-A-Mole and two teams playing chess.

Prettyboy Ranoldo scored a hat trick, which put a bad taste in my mouth. I want my man Messi to win Most Valuable Player and his competition just jumped out into a huge lead.

LANGUAGE TO AMUSE

Don't get that? It has to do with a common internet gag around no one expecting the Spanish Inquisition.

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 Swarming gnats, but instead of annoying you, they provide compliments. "You look pretty." "Dinner was delicious." "Way to handle that difficult coworker, Ralph. We hate her."

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INFORMATION OF WHICH YOU MAY BE UNAWARE

Why would that be a good idea?

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Did you know that you have to ride a horse regularly or have to break it again?

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It's like the whole outdoors is the dolphin's zoo.

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I had no idea this was a commercial product, much less that it came in a kit.

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Just learned recently about laze...the steam that lava produces that contain glass particles that are very bad for humans. So how is that photographer that near? Upwind?

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All things Ralph...

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I would have guessed that it would veer off, like a piece of paper following a zig-zag path.

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That is beautiful.

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Mendocino Motor

I was hoping there was a little hamster inside running its ass off.

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Practice for parenthood by approaching a pack of rabid wolves and saying “Time to brush teeth! Who wants to go first?” Do that twice a day.

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LOOKS LIKE FOOD BUT ISN'T

Microwaved soap

Not cheesesteak sandwich but mummy in MRI.

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As a kid, I asked my teacher if 'duct tape' was short for 'abduction tape' and that's how my twice-weekly counseling sessions began.

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MYTH BUSTERS MAYBE CONCLUSIONS

They once "proved" that increasing your speed on a washboard dirt road would NOT yield a smoother ride.

Well, being a son of the South I KNOW for a fact that it does smooth out the ride.

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Just so you know,  the job fair has fewer giant turkey legs and sword fights than I would have thought.

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ON A PERSONAL NOTE

You may have noticed that I've gotten really sick of all the stupid people who don't do their research, then profess to know all the facts.

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Said to be a highway after a sandstorm in Dubai.

But I also was told it was photoshopped. I understand faking something that will win over a woman or make you some money or even just to make people laugh, but faking stupid shit for no reason is just wasting your time.

And also, all that bullshit leaves me doubting everything I see online.

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In my opinion, there is no difference between that and organized religion. I mean, telepathically communicating with an invisible man in the sky is actually believed to be a worthwhile endeavor.

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Somehow I never experimented with hard drugs and I find that extraordinary.

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I really like things like this.

I take it to mean we are the extinction event we have been waiting on.

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I will bet on anything. Literally. I have never found anything I wouldn't place a bet.

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That cartoon reminded me of one of my favorite stories.

My artist friend, Carl, once realized he had worked seven days a week for over a year and he decided to take a vacation. So he walked into a travel agent's office; told her he wanted to take a vacation; she asked where he would like to go, and he looked around the office and pointed to the first poster that caught his eye. It was in someplace like Zambia or some shit and it involved an international group to man canoes down a river through the jungle. None of the vacationers spoke the same language.

Anyway, when he got home he invited all of his friends over to his place to look at all the wonderful slides he had taken. Here is an example:

Here is another.

At each of the almost identical images, he would say something like:

"I think this is the one with the monkeys in the trees."

"I think those bubbles are hippos."

"There is an elephant behind that tree...I think."

This went on for an hour until I couldn't take it anymore.

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Call me old fashioned but I believe marriage should be between one person who wants to watch TV and another person who wants to watch something different on TV.

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CORNER CABINET SOLUTIONS

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For Fran:

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Whatever you say, snowflake.

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[ SUPER CONDUCTOR ]

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