SATURDAY #3611

One Of My Very Own

Hahahahahahahaha!

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EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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271

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ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR

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These make sense to millions of people...

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Two kinds of Medieval drunks.

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Doctors say, "Don't worry, this x-ray is perfectly safe," then he goes to Egypt to press the button.

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SCIENCE AND NATURE

The normal life cycle of a salmon is to swim upriver and spawn right before they die. That leaves a lot of dead salmon in popular spawning areas. In the late 1980s, university students began studying the salmon population at Hansen Creek in Alaska. They counted and measured the dead salmon, and then by protocol, they flung the carcasses up onto the north-facing bank of the stream, in order to prevent the same fish from being counted again. The reason the protocol is to throw all the fish to one side of the stream and not the other was a long-term experiment in forest growth. Now the results are in. 

Over the past 20 years, researchers across the Northwest have shown that salmon play an essential role in forests: Trees next to salmon-bearing streams appear to grow better than their salmon-deprived counterparts, and the nutrients salmon bring from the ocean make their way into the needles and wood of trees. But this experiment proves a basic fact: More salmon means faster-growing trees.

We learned in grade school that Native Americans taught the Pilgrims to plant corn with a dead fish for fertilizer. That method still works today, even better than fertilizers that contain the same plant nutrients.

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I'm thinking this was intentionally made this filthy to better demonstrate the cleaning device.

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Species preservation is one of the strongest mandates in every animal.

I think about that a lot.

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In the 13th century, Marco Polo described present-day Azerbaijan as a "land of fire" - and for good reason: there are burning mountainsides with fires that didn't stop burning for thousands of years.

Caused by natural gas venting.

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The passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was quietly knifing its way through the waters of the mid-Pacific on its way from Vancouver to Australia. The navigator had just finished working out a star fix and brought Captain John DS. Phillips, the result. The Warrimoo's position was LAT 0º 31' N and LONG 179 30' W. The date was 31 December 1899. "Know what this means?" First Mate Payton broke in, "We're only a few miles from the intersection of the Equator and the International Date Line". Captain Phillips was prankish enough to take full advantage of the opportunity for achieving the navigational freak of a lifetime. He called his navigators to the bridge to check & double check the ship's position. He changed course slightly so as to bear directly on his mark. Then he adjusted the engine speed. The calm weather & clear night worked in his favor. At midnight, the SS Warrimoo lay on the Equator at exactly the point where it crossed the International Date Line! The consequences of this bizarre position were many:

The forward part (bow) of the ship was in the Southern Hemisphere & in the middle of summer.

The rear (stern) was in the Northern Hemisphere & in the middle of winter.

The date in the aft part of the ship was 31 December 1899.

In the bow, it was 1 January 1900.

This ship was therefore not only in:

Two different days,

Two different months,

Two different years,

Two different seasons

But in two different centuries - all at the same time!

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Moose Crash Test Dummy

This one uses a 790-pound moose surrogate made from a stack of 114 rubber discs, which mimic the density of a moose and are strung together with steel parts and wire. When struck by a Volvo traveling between 43 and 56 mph, this pseudo-moose will hit the windshield first, then roll up and over the roof in a fraction of a second, annihilating everything it touches along the way.

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Oysters cleaning the water...

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Brad Goldpaint won the Astronomy Photographer of the Year 2018 with this amazing photo above. Titled "Transport the Soul," Goldpaint captured the Andromeda Galaxy, the Milky Way and the canyons of the Moab, Utah all in one shot.

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If life were fair there would be an NFL linebacker named Wolf Blitzer.

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PEOPLE DOING THINGS I 

CAN'T OR WON'T DO

Craft skills are a good thing.

A young server at my bar sits at the bar and knits when she gets off work. I think that is wonderful.

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I'm all in favor of building or modifying things with your hands.

This is extraordinary.

It's scale 1.648:1 is painted on the bumper.

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Same actor that played Michael Myers in the original Halloween from 1978 playing him again 40 years later in 2018.

There's something to put on your resume.

(Is it put "on" or put "in"?)

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Good god, child.

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I wish I could still do that...

Run, that is.

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There is celebrating, then there is celebrating...

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Personal Trainer Got Man Banned From Local Restaurants to Help Him Lose Weight.

Is that even legal?

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I'm not sure if I could even get a stream going standing in public like that.

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Restaurant Math

The easy way to see how fucked up that is is to look at the prices of 4 and 40.

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How much practice must this require?

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Would it matter to you if this man was a Democrat or a Republican?

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Fuck kings and queens AND their fucking swans.

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You think being gay is hard? Try telling people you are only attracted to clowns.

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EVIDENCE OF CREATIVITY

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Reese's candy converter

I'm assuming that is a marketing ploy.

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During our roadtrips, the wife and I were stopped by several of these for far away road repair.

We would look down the road for miles and see nothing, then a long line of cars would come by, then our light would change to gree and we could progress.

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How original.

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The blue screen of death.

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If I found out I had six months to live, I would get fat enough to stop up the water slide.

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LANGUAGE

Turn on closed captioning and it will print out all of Kenny's muffled lines.

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Why didn't he just drive the car, or do you suppose he was shitfaced also?

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Have you watched the series Bodyguard? 

Well, I had to look Kompromatt up.

In Russian culture, kompromat, short for "compromising material" is damaging information about a politician, a businessman, or another public figure, used to create negative publicity, as well as for blackmail and extortion.

(RH: I guess we get "compromising" from it.)

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I have a lifelong quest to teach everyone on the planet the rule with serifs.

Hell, I like serifs - those little feet or headers added to letters - as much as anyone else. But if you use them, you have to use them on ALL of the letters. Now check out the first I. So pretty and well-formed, then he just stops using the serifs. It really stands out when juxtaposed to the second "i" in "miss".

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You heard it here first, kid.

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Dad told them the turkey was pregnant.

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