About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

WEDNESDAY #3681

One Of My Very Own
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EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com
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NEWSY BITS

Many times I get comments that look like this:
For whatever reason, there are multiple comments in a group, but notice that there is but one "publish" button. When I hit the publish button only the top comment is posted. I don't know how to get the other comments to publish.
So, if you sent me a comment and it didn't show up, blame whatever glitch puts them in a group. Sorry.

NOTE: I took one more look at the email concerning comments and found three little dots at the bottom.

When you click those dots a menu drops down.
Problem solved by my owndamnself.
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Note site source.
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How many days before she 'throws herself' out of her high rise, with a piano following soon after?
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More on the wife and I's Erin Burnette Part gambling obsession:
We have decided that a "dogleg" (to borrow a golf term) part does not count as crooked.
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The last visual pun.
Answer this question: What does that cartoon lack?
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 EXTRAORDINARY EVENTS CAUGHT ON FILM

A windstorm hit Washington State, knocking out power to thousands.
^^1^^

Speaking of...
That isn't supposed to happen.
^^2^^

Meanwhile, during a rescue in the French Alps...
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One of my worst "irrational" fears realized.
That thing could have sliced right through the roof!
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Do you think the beast meant to do that?
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The fuzzy dice are a nice touch.
^^7^^

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Overheard a woman say very angrily on the phone “I married a stale ham sandwich of a human” and calling someone a stale ham sandwich is probably my new favorite insult.

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Hahahabannanaha!
I found that very funny.
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TOPICS I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS

Usually, I would agree, but not my wife.  She uses it as a community tool. You need a wheelchair for a sick aunt? Message my wife and she will have one delivered by another friend. A neighbor's house burned down and they need baby clothes? You will have stacks of them by nightfall. 
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This is called a 4in1 Tool.
It scrapes paint and pries can's open, but also it has that circular cutout that removes excess paint from a used roller head.

I would always clean my roller heads. You can only do that if you buy quality products to start with.
I wouldn't do it in a bucket like that; I would reach around the bucket and spray the shit out of it. You can get them spinning very fast...so fast that when you turn the hose off the spinning will throw out all the excess water and leave it almost dry.
 ^^9^^

Yeah, sometimes I think that's me. But this country has divided itself and I don't think that is advisable. 
 You love democracy (or representative republic if you like) yet feel betrayed when the majority of your countrymen voted for the other guy. You need to give that a rest.
^^10^^

A Series of Unfortunate Events has a new season out on Netflix. They teach some very interesting words.
Flaneur - a person who observes their surroundings carefully, like a spy.
I consider myself a bit of a flaneur.
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It's been ten years since the people of Juneau, Alaska succumbed to conspiracy theories and voted to ruin their kids' teeth by removing fluoride from the drinking water, and it shows.
Okay, people lie to you all the time. On TV, the internet, in magazines - but they do that to make money. Doctors DO NOT fall into that camp. They have, after all, sworn an oath.
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She finally got to hold her very first published book!
NOW I NEED YOUR HELP
I've been mulling something over for a while and I thought I would run it by you fine people before I implemented it.
Folio Olio 2 is a real sure enough website and I think it has the ability for me to put my books and short stories on it. I'm wondering if it will be worth my effort. Would any of you care to read some of my novels and short stories? Let me know and be honest, please. Email or comment.
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My 3yo kid once jumped on my back and it cracked so loud, the insurance company heard it and billed me for an out of network chiropractor visit.

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ABOUT WOMEN, BECAUSE GALDARNIT I LIKE WOMEN

Don't you just love it when a waitress does that?
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"You're hired." 
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Oh, my.
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US President Gerald Ford plays a traditional Japanese game with a geisha during a visit, Kyoto, Japan, November 21, 1974.
Now imagine Margaret Thatcher doing that with a young man.
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This is old but kind of cute... 
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My daughter once yelled, “COME TO ME, COOKIES!” And then sat on the couch with her mouth open for a good while. I guess it was worth a try.

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 DARN GOOD IDEAS

 
I like people who at least try to solve their own problems.
^^20^^

Citroën has launched the world’s first glasses that stop motion sickness in adults and children over the age of ten.
The concept is amazingly simple. People look so goddamned ridiculous in those glasses that they refuse to leave the house = no motion sickness. (Just kidding.)
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“How strong is your foreplay game?”
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 An accident-proof garbage disposal switch.
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My wife once asked a gay couple what kind of birth control they used.

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 INFORMATION OF WHICH YOU MAY BE UNAWARE

The vapor-liquid equilibrium inside the “hand boiler” allows body heat to "boil" the liquid inside.
^^24^^

Meanwhile, in Mother Russia...
Turns out that human technology hasn't been able to create a rubber that can withstand forbiddingly cold temps for those '... in the lands of ice and snow'. So, it becomes a matter of maintenance to warm the tires from time to time, when out of doors, to prevent them from bursting.
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If two gay guys are eating out, which one the waitress puts the check in front of is the one she thinks is the top.

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 FUN WITH LAMGUAGE

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The internet has commandeered the name Karen.

Here are a couple of the hundreds of examples:

 ^^34^^

Speaking of books, I ran across this and it made me smile.
 Goddamn, I love duck. And now my wife has found a partially cooked half duck at the grocery store that is delicious.
^^35^^

Rather extreme don't you think? 
^^36^^

That was childish and not even funny.
You're welcome.
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 Women have been bamboozled again.
 The power of advertising sickens me sometimes.
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5 comments:

Crashsq said...

Would like to read your novels and short stories.

Anonymous said...

I would love to read your stories

Scott James said...

Visual Pun - It's missing the punch line.

Also, I think it is a great idea to put your stories out there for the world to share.

JimReed said...

Fluoride...
For what ever reason, my kids have never had a drink out of the water hose when it's hot outside.
My kids drink only bottled water (because my wife buys it)
We tried cutting back and forced them to drink filtered water from the fridge.
That didn't last long.
We have fluoride in the county water.
My kids don't drink county water.

My three kids, after their last dental check up, had 32 combined cavities!

Combine that with the cost of bottled water, minus the cost of almost free county water....

I clearly am a bad father...and stupid

Ralph Henry said...

You are far, far from a bad father...stupid is still up for debate.

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