Let's start off with a very short clip that I thought hilarious...

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In a few years an astroid will come so close to the earth that it will be inside the satellites that bring you your TV signal.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

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I predict that in the future will will just have a communication devices embedded in our bodies...I'm sorry I will miss it. ________________________________________________

I don't get in elevators but about once ever decade. Would someone test this out and let me know if it really works. ________________________________________________

Did you hear about the guy who pick pocketed a dwarf? I can't believe he stooped that low.

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When buying a used car, punch each button on the radio. If all of the buttons are set to rock and roll stations, there's a good chance the transmission is shot.

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I once had a girlfriend who was a cancer, which made the way she died rather ironic.

She was eaten by a giant crab.

_________________________________________________ Oh, that sounds like a messy divorce...

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The instructions were simple...Use photoshop to make her smile bigger.

Waaaaaaay too much enthusiasm. ________________________________________________

Money can't buy you happiness, but it let's you shop for it in a better neighborhood.

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Punctuation: The difference between "Help your Uncle Jack, off his horse"

and "Help your uncle jack off his horse".

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One of the many problems with Craig's List... ________________________________________________

An egosystem is a community where many varying personalities share and interact in the same environment....when they're not hungry.

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In Moscow, high school graduation traditions include a dip in the fountain... ...and then drinking yourself into a stupor... It beats renting mortar board and robe.

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This guy will never ever go away... You are as old as the women you feel.

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Have I mentioned lately that I don't own a tie? ________________________________________________

STRATEGIC PLAN: It's called doing things.

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If a gay guy has sex with a lesbian, is it still gay?

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Taking the "the" out of psychotherapist.

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Who the hell would want to live to be 90 years old?

Ask someone who's 89.

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One of my very own...

Creationism: 6000 years ago God made the earth exactly as it is now; flat and in the center of the solar system.

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I would appreciate it if you would leave a comment from time to time. Also keep the funnies coming my way so I can share. Thanks.

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