___________________________________________

What's the difference between France and a tea bag? A tea bag stays in the cup longer.

___________________________________________ __________________________________________

IT'S AWFUL BEING OLD. EVERY TIME MY MICROWAVE BEEPS, I MAKE MY WAY OUT OF THE ROOM WITH GREAT TANTIVY, THINKING IT'S A TRUCK BACKING UP.

__________________________________________

Do you remember those LSD test they performed on our soldiers? __________________________________________

Muslims will be specifically exempted from the government mandate to purchase insurance, and also from the penalty tax for being uninsured. Islam considers insurance to be "gambling", "risk-taking" and "usury" and is thus banned.

But all you young non-Muslim people will have IRS liens placed against all of your assets and will face hard prison time if you refuse to buy insurance or pay the penalty tax. How....convenient.

_______________________________________________

Who would have ever thought that Meatloaf would end up aging well? __________________________________________

My wife told me that one night when she was a teenager she woke up in such pain (appendicitis) that she could hardly breathe, much less yell or get out of bed, so her only recourse was to rap on the wall to summons her father. But every time she rapped, he got up and let out the dog.

__________________________________________

__________________________________________

I just read the term "illegal migrant", instead of the usual immigrant. I like it. One means temporary and the other means permanent.

__________________________________________________

Randall Cunningham, who played for the Eagles, Vikings, Ravens and Cowboys, is now "The Cupbearer" of Remnant Ministries and performs baptisms in the hot tub at his home.

__________________________________________

A real full-sized house... __________________________________________

One of my very own... ___________________________________________