I admire lawyers. Here's why. Let's suppose modern life is one big board game. Well, the lawyers are the only ones who have read and understand all the rules. The rest of us just roll the dice and take our chances. When you and I are dealt the Go To Jail card, we pay lawyers to find a rule to keep us out. We may not like it that the rules are so complicated that we couldn't possibly understand them without years of training; and that some (many?) make no sense at all (I can fuck my next door neighbor every day without punishment, but if I pay her we could both go to jail); but...BUT THE LAWYERS WRITE THE RULES TO THE GAME AND KEEP ADDING NEW RULES EVERY DAY!!! Fucking brilliant.

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I grew up in a neighborhood that was soooo poor...

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This is called the Progress Light and shows you how long you have before the light changes... ****

Turns out, even if people live nowhere near a clean source of water, as long as they have plastic bottles they can CREATE clean water. Basically, you peel the label off any plastic water bottle and fill it with standing water, as long as the water isn’t completely brown. Then place the bottle on top of a metal surface (for better heat conductivity) and leave it alone. Within six hours, the UVA radiation will kill parasites, bacteria and other harmful elements in the water, maki

ng it safe to drink.

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This is my kind of surfing... Where's the motor?

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Another Lego repair...I think these things are great! ****

I use Google as a spellcheck.

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Puking just puts you back to your first drink.

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I taught my neighbor's German Shepherd how to bark in Russian.

**** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

**** If god didn't want us to eat pigs, then why did he make them out of bacon?

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My personality is so magnetic that I am unable to carry credit cards.

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LONDON -- Fans hoping to bring the distinctive drone of the vuvuzela back to England from the World Cup face disappointment after they were banned from stadiums.

(Maybe there is a god!!!)

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This is one of the changes Jefferson made to the Declaration of Independence.

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In 1961, a twelve man Soviet crew was building a new base in the Antarctic. Mindful that being trapped in sub-zero temperatures for months on end required a medical professional to be on hand, one doctor had been assigned to the team. So what happens when the only man capable of performing surgery comes down with a severe case of appendicitis? He does what any reasonably minded person would do. Performs an appendectomy…on himself.

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One of my very own... ________________________________________________